Do I have to go to 90 meetings in 90 days?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I'm late to this thread, so I didn't read all the responses... wanted to give my opinion and thoughts though.
Staying away from alcohol for a week, month, year, or even 5 years is a tough thing to do... but many succeed. Staying sober for life is a whole nuther story, in my experience and opinion, anyhow. I've seen lots and lots of people, who after getting it together either forget, or just feel healthy enough to have another go at, and they do. And 99.9% of the time the results are disastrous. One of my first good friends in AA went out after 5 years of sobriety, and 6 months later jumped off a roof to her death.
I don't know your drinking story, so I can't advise, but I can tell you mine and how I felt in early recovery. When I first put the bottle down, it was a very clear matter of life or death. There were no maybes. I had to either stop drinking and see where that brought me, or die. Because of the desperation I had, I was willing to treat sobriety as such and make it my absolute #1 priority. For me that meant meetings everyday, and if a day came where I couldn't do that, it meant I'd make it up. There were many times I went to 2 or 3 meetings in a single day. Back then we called it having meetings in the bank.
Just got unexpectedly called into work... gotta run, but have a bit more to say... maybe later....
It's worth the early investment. There'll be lots of time for everything else in the many years to come. I would drop everything to drink. I dropped everything to make sure my butt was in a meeting. For at least the first 90 days.
Staying away from alcohol for a week, month, year, or even 5 years is a tough thing to do... but many succeed. Staying sober for life is a whole nuther story, in my experience and opinion, anyhow. I've seen lots and lots of people, who after getting it together either forget, or just feel healthy enough to have another go at, and they do. And 99.9% of the time the results are disastrous. One of my first good friends in AA went out after 5 years of sobriety, and 6 months later jumped off a roof to her death.
I don't know your drinking story, so I can't advise, but I can tell you mine and how I felt in early recovery. When I first put the bottle down, it was a very clear matter of life or death. There were no maybes. I had to either stop drinking and see where that brought me, or die. Because of the desperation I had, I was willing to treat sobriety as such and make it my absolute #1 priority. For me that meant meetings everyday, and if a day came where I couldn't do that, it meant I'd make it up. There were many times I went to 2 or 3 meetings in a single day. Back then we called it having meetings in the bank.
Just got unexpectedly called into work... gotta run, but have a bit more to say... maybe later....
It's worth the early investment. There'll be lots of time for everything else in the many years to come. I would drop everything to drink. I dropped everything to make sure my butt was in a meeting. For at least the first 90 days.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
For myself and many others “reading or following directions is admitting defeat.”
With that in my craw I needed 90 in 90. It was sort of a new memory transformation as mine was obviously messed up from a lot of drinking. I also had what used to be called terminal uniqueness which was too close to mess with.
For too long I was in denial and did too much comparing.
Then came the day I saw I could not drink in safety at all and started on the path to being sober. By going to lots, at least one a day for years, I learned how to live sober and be comfortable in my own skin most of the time. This process takes time, work and change which was not always easy but doable.
Years later as the expression goes “I would not trade my worst day sober for my best day drinking.”
And yes there are and will be bumps and curves on our path but we don’t have to drink because of any of them. EVER.
BE WELL
For myself and many others “reading or following directions is admitting defeat.”
With that in my craw I needed 90 in 90. It was sort of a new memory transformation as mine was obviously messed up from a lot of drinking. I also had what used to be called terminal uniqueness which was too close to mess with.
For too long I was in denial and did too much comparing.
Then came the day I saw I could not drink in safety at all and started on the path to being sober. By going to lots, at least one a day for years, I learned how to live sober and be comfortable in my own skin most of the time. This process takes time, work and change which was not always easy but doable.
Years later as the expression goes “I would not trade my worst day sober for my best day drinking.”
And yes there are and will be bumps and curves on our path but we don’t have to drink because of any of them. EVER.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
What I didn't have time to say in my last post is that I think it's incredibly important to create a strong foundation. Best way I know of doing that is by making 90 meetings in 90 days.
How badly do you want to stay sober? Are you willing to go to any lengths to stay sober? These were important questions that were asked of me in early sobriety. I really believe we get out of this what we put into it. I gave it my all, especially in the beginning, and I think that has everything to do with the fact that I just entered my 31st year sober.
How badly do you want to stay sober? Are you willing to go to any lengths to stay sober? These were important questions that were asked of me in early sobriety. I really believe we get out of this what we put into it. I gave it my all, especially in the beginning, and I think that has everything to do with the fact that I just entered my 31st year sober.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
I think the OP is doing what's right for her recovery.
Keep up the good work, Maryjan.
When I was a newcomer I was a househusband with two small children.
My wife often worked late and was away some nights.
I could get to 3 - 4 meetings a week.
I regularly went on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.
That way my wife could try and be home on time for me to get to Monday and Wednesday meetings.
I started working through the steps with my sponsor at 3 months.
Now, ten years on, I am at work 35 hours a week.
I am still the househusband.
I go to 1 or 2 meetings a week.
I'd like to do more, but the wife still works late.
I have a life beyond my wildest dreams, thanks to AA and God.
I had to strike a balance.
During my sober journey, I admired my fellow alkies that could spend most of their time on their recovery in AA; wished I could do 90 in 90.
No doubt some of them would have preferred not to have lost their family life to this wretched illness.
We are all different.
And yet, none of us can do more than one day at a time.
At the end of the day, there is no one right way to recover in AA.
Keep up the good work, Maryjan.
When I was a newcomer I was a househusband with two small children.
My wife often worked late and was away some nights.
I could get to 3 - 4 meetings a week.
I regularly went on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.
That way my wife could try and be home on time for me to get to Monday and Wednesday meetings.
I started working through the steps with my sponsor at 3 months.
Now, ten years on, I am at work 35 hours a week.
I am still the househusband.
I go to 1 or 2 meetings a week.
I'd like to do more, but the wife still works late.
I have a life beyond my wildest dreams, thanks to AA and God.
I had to strike a balance.
During my sober journey, I admired my fellow alkies that could spend most of their time on their recovery in AA; wished I could do 90 in 90.
No doubt some of them would have preferred not to have lost their family life to this wretched illness.
We are all different.
And yet, none of us can do more than one day at a time.
At the end of the day, there is no one right way to recover in AA.
My brain is trying to kill me
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Palo Alto, ca
Posts: 401
I must agree with Boleo; it's a principle thing. For me MY PROGRAM keeps ME Sober, not rules, and 90/90 is not a rule but a principle; from what I understand, for some that builds the foundation for a strong program, after all we'll be doing this "recovery thing" for the rest of our lives.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by LetsGoJets 
I would suggest you dont take away from your responsibilities (work, kids, etc) in order to go to a meeting. the Big Book doesnt say make 90 in 90, so if you miss dont beat yourself up. When i have a sponsee in a similar position to you, my suggestion would be to make as many meetings as you can but more importantly, meet me on a regular basis so we can begin the recovery process.
i know people here will ID with this-- how many times does a new comer come in, get gung ho in the fellowship, they eventually hit a wall and drink again then say AA doesnt work for them when all they did was come to the fellowship?
I would also recommend making more than 2 in 23 though. that is a very low ratio for a newcomer..
God bless you
i know people here will ID with this-- how many times does a new comer come in, get gung ho in the fellowship, they eventually hit a wall and drink again then say AA doesnt work for them when all they did was come to the fellowship?
I would also recommend making more than 2 in 23 though. that is a very low ratio for a newcomer..
God bless you
the meetings are the only thing that kept me sober for the first 2 years, i had somewhere to go that was safe for me
i went a lot further down than many who simply picked up a big book and changed there lives around, and i had lost everything in life, so i had nothing and no one at home
my kids had been removed from my care because of my drinking and i was deeply hurt and ashamed of all that side of things
so the people and the meetings meant the whole world to me and still do in a way that many others will never understand as they didnt need the fellowship the way i needed it
anyway i got my kids back after being around aa for 12 months, aa washed over me and i learned a way of life that i never knew existed or was ever possible
its up to you if you want to do 90 in 90 i would say yes go for it as it can not hurt you
tell you what does hurt is the day they came to take my kids away because i couldnt get off the drink
but the happyiest day was when i got them back again because i finaly gave in and just followed a few simple suggestions aa memebers made to me and so far its never let me down
good luck to you
My brain is trying to kill me
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Palo Alto, ca
Posts: 401
I want to add one more thing. I ended up doing 180 in 160 or something like that, it was what I needed. I'd encourage anybody to use the 90/90 to get, and stay sober; build that foundation. I also learned by doing so many meetings so much more about recovery that I would not have found elsewhere; just as I find things here on sr.com I'll not find elsewhere, or what I find in spirituality, etc...
Recovery is an individual thing yet one that requires, for me anyway, a great deal of fellowship, and that's what I receive from goingto AA meetings & service.
Recovery is an individual thing yet one that requires, for me anyway, a great deal of fellowship, and that's what I receive from goingto AA meetings & service.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
Originally Posted by WakeUp
I heard that "90 in 90" came from the judicial system. The judge said either 90 days in jail or 90 days of AA meetings as a DUI sentence.
Any truth to this?
Any truth to this?
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
The first time I came to AA I was told to do 90 in 90 and I did so with a few extras thrown in for good measure. I stayed sober on meetings for a good while but I wish someone would have told me to work 12 steps in 90 days instead. This time around I didn't do 90 in 90 (I don't think, I didn't keep track), but I did go to a lot of meetings -- probably closer to 60 in 90. But I did do 12 steps in 120 days and I would recommend that to anybody.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Mcribb
Meeting Makers Make It
ya they do...... if they do a helluva lot more than make it to meetings - like actually work the program of alcoholics anonymous (the very program which paradoxically tells us a much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs). It's easy for me to practice the program and/or sound good at a meeting......it's a helluva lot different to practice those same principles in ALL of my affairs and at ALL times.
......but I get where you're coming from.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
No you absolutely do not.
If you are in a group that believes in the steps and they meet once or twice a week, then to get in 90 meetings in 90 days.... Very likely you are going to go to quite a few meetings where you will get told things like "just don't drink and go to meetings " or other stuff like that which is completely contradictory to what's in the book.
I stood my ground on this one with my sponsor, the only time I ever have and I did that for the above reasons and for family reasons too.
It's not in the book, it's just an opinion of someones that has gained almost universal acceptance through out AA.
I did 90 in 90 first time round in AA back in 2008.
Life got even more unmanageable, basically I had widowed my wife and orphaned my kids to AA.
It was crap advice for me then and I reckon it's crap advice for anyone with a family in place.
Anyone single or with no family in place.... Knock themselves out. Do 900 in 900 if you like.
If you are in a group that believes in the steps and they meet once or twice a week, then to get in 90 meetings in 90 days.... Very likely you are going to go to quite a few meetings where you will get told things like "just don't drink and go to meetings " or other stuff like that which is completely contradictory to what's in the book.
I stood my ground on this one with my sponsor, the only time I ever have and I did that for the above reasons and for family reasons too.
It's not in the book, it's just an opinion of someones that has gained almost universal acceptance through out AA.
I did 90 in 90 first time round in AA back in 2008.
Life got even more unmanageable, basically I had widowed my wife and orphaned my kids to AA.
It was crap advice for me then and I reckon it's crap advice for anyone with a family in place.
Anyone single or with no family in place.... Knock themselves out. Do 900 in 900 if you like.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Originally Posted by Grungehead
The first time I came to AA I was told to do 90 in 90 and I did so with a few extras thrown in for good measure. I stayed sober on meetings for a good while but I wish someone would have told me to work 12 steps in 90 days instead. This time around I didn't do 90 in 90 (I don't think, I didn't keep track), but I did go to a lot of meetings -- probably closer to 60 in 90. But I did do 12 steps in 120 days and I would recommend that to anybody.
The last year of just meetings was horrible.
It was like putting "We will NOT " in front of the promises.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I think we have to construct our own sobriety lifestyle, with an awareness of where our empty & damaged places are. I see it as a creative construction, subject to adjustment, fluid through different stages & needs.
After my relapse this year, in deciding to return to the program, I committed to 90 in 90, and am well on track (a couple ahead). I have a more than full time job, but am single with grown children. I don't attend meetings daily, because some days I work long hours & other days I listen to myself & choose to rest or exercise after work, but I go to multiples on weekend days, & they all add up.
I was in the program for a fair bit of time previously, & worked the steps multiple times over the years - thoroughly & earnestly. While -for me- the steps built my relationship with God & helped me understand myself, my ultimate distancing from meetings is the absent piece that led me to drinking.
I need fellowship. There is a strong emphasis in the BB on the joyous nature of the fellowship in the early days; I love that part of the book. I am an introvert, & the only other fellowship I've felt in my life has been with the use of alcohol, so that part of AA is precious to me.
I live in a different state than I did in my prior sobriety. I'm taking on the 90 in 90 to build relationship, fellowship, friendship. A supportive & loving community. I tried to just attend a couple of times a week last year, and there was no depth of connection for me. It was just "an activity", like going to a night class or joining a church group. The 90/90 provides an immersion which is transforming my whole relational universe. The old friends are gone, there is no time for much other connection outside work.
For me, this is very important.
I don't "count" my many hours on SR, or social time with AA folks - getting coffee, going out to eat. I DO "count" official meetings with my sponsor for step work in that 90/90. It helped me, as a "returner," to humble myself back to newcomer & I needed that too.
So, for folks without a sober friendship network or family support, it has my vote as a fruitful commitment. I do not have any intention of continuing this pace after my 90 days; there are other aspects of my life & recovery I'd like to focus my energies on. But I will have established the friendships, & will likely drop to 3 or 4 meetings weekly.
I truly think that one of the best thongs about sobriety is learning to listen to yourself regarding what you most need (as opposed to want or find convenient). I imagine that 90/90 works for just some, for many it would be a negative in their life, especially if they have family obligations.
After my relapse this year, in deciding to return to the program, I committed to 90 in 90, and am well on track (a couple ahead). I have a more than full time job, but am single with grown children. I don't attend meetings daily, because some days I work long hours & other days I listen to myself & choose to rest or exercise after work, but I go to multiples on weekend days, & they all add up.
I was in the program for a fair bit of time previously, & worked the steps multiple times over the years - thoroughly & earnestly. While -for me- the steps built my relationship with God & helped me understand myself, my ultimate distancing from meetings is the absent piece that led me to drinking.
I need fellowship. There is a strong emphasis in the BB on the joyous nature of the fellowship in the early days; I love that part of the book. I am an introvert, & the only other fellowship I've felt in my life has been with the use of alcohol, so that part of AA is precious to me.
I live in a different state than I did in my prior sobriety. I'm taking on the 90 in 90 to build relationship, fellowship, friendship. A supportive & loving community. I tried to just attend a couple of times a week last year, and there was no depth of connection for me. It was just "an activity", like going to a night class or joining a church group. The 90/90 provides an immersion which is transforming my whole relational universe. The old friends are gone, there is no time for much other connection outside work.
For me, this is very important.
I don't "count" my many hours on SR, or social time with AA folks - getting coffee, going out to eat. I DO "count" official meetings with my sponsor for step work in that 90/90. It helped me, as a "returner," to humble myself back to newcomer & I needed that too.
So, for folks without a sober friendship network or family support, it has my vote as a fruitful commitment. I do not have any intention of continuing this pace after my 90 days; there are other aspects of my life & recovery I'd like to focus my energies on. But I will have established the friendships, & will likely drop to 3 or 4 meetings weekly.
I truly think that one of the best thongs about sobriety is learning to listen to yourself regarding what you most need (as opposed to want or find convenient). I imagine that 90/90 works for just some, for many it would be a negative in their life, especially if they have family obligations.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by heartcore
...I was in the program for a fair bit of time previously, & worked the steps multiple times over the years - thoroughly & earnestly. While -for me- the steps built my relationship with God & helped me understand myself, my ultimate distancing from meetings is the absent piece that led me to drinking.
While nothing is certain in AA what I have heard time and time again over the years by those who went out (and returned) is they inevitably stopped going to meetings.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
A few years back I had the privilege of sponsoring a man with two young sons for whom he had sole care plus he had a full time job. Initially I was a bit worried that he could not make more than two or three meetings a week, but my concerns proved groundless.
We worked through the steps together and his life changed. He was unable to go to lots of meetings, but he was very willing to adopt the AA way of life. Today it is a joy to watch him, two lovely sons, popular at his work, and a much loved member of our local community.
So yes it is possible to recover without abandoning all your responsibilities in favour of AA meetings.
We worked through the steps together and his life changed. He was unable to go to lots of meetings, but he was very willing to adopt the AA way of life. Today it is a joy to watch him, two lovely sons, popular at his work, and a much loved member of our local community.
So yes it is possible to recover without abandoning all your responsibilities in favour of AA meetings.
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