Paraffinalien

Today I meet a guy who has asked me to take him through the steps. I pray to God that I will be guided in carrying the message with depth and weight.
The qualifications I have are simply 'Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps...'
The guy has been around AA for eight years and has had many sponsors but never completed the work. I have been around AA for 2.5 years.
I feel quite anxious but I understand I am merely an instrument.
This will be my first time as a sponsor.

yeahgr8

Good luck with that, my sponsor is taking another guy who has 9 years sober who has just decided to work the steps...i've seen this before and the change is amazing after they finish the work, then the shares change from someone who advocates meetings as the key to sobriety to working the steps and then meetings...its cool how it works!

I haven't been long enough around to say if this is a common trend but in the 2 instances i have seen this happen with people deciding to work the steps after a long period of abstinence there was a couple of weeks of "why the hell did no-one tell me to work the steps before?!" after finishing the step work:-)

newby1961

Yes, I think it is real natural to have some anticipation about being a sponsor. I try not to get caught up with the amount of time people have because, I have been around the rooms for a number of years and I have seen people with a year or two that have it so much more together than someone with 25 or 30. I believe God has a hand in who is brought into our lives. I went to a few workshops on sponsorship and I urge anyone who is a sponsor, or is thinking about being one, to attend one if at all possible? One of the things that I took away from the workshop was, remember everyone has a HP we are not it, and if we take resposibility for someones success we also have to take it for their failings, and none of that is our job. All we can do like you said is be a guide, and you can't give away what you haven't got. I feel like a walking slogan today lol. Keep the Faith

Jfanagle

He saw what you had and wanted that same thing. Tell him how you got it. These things always work out just the way they are supposed to.

I have always told those who have asked for my help, "no sweat, I have a book and I know all sorts of people who are smarter than I am, so if we get stuck we will use both resources."

I have never got anyone sober and I have never kept them that way. I just try and be there when they need help. You will do all the right things because you already understand what I have written, it is obvious fom your post.

Jon

freya

Sounds to me like your man made a good choice! If you keep in-touch with God and with what you've said here, both of you should have lots to look forward to through this relationship!

freya

Boleo

That is a good way to look at it. You are responsible for the effort... God is responsible for the results... Detach from the outcome.

If you yourself stay sober, you are 100% successful.

Lushwell

What is your own sponsor advising you to do?

Paraffinalien

Thankyou for the encouragement everyone.

Lushwell, my own sponsor made it perfectly clear when he took me through the steps that my reliance is upon God. He told me to pray to God for guidance and listen to what God tells me in my heart. There are several people i speak to in matters of spiritual guidance when I am unsure of something. I am not unsure about this. I do exactly what was done with me.

UniversesChild

Congrats on your decision to be a sponsor PA.

I have just over a year, so I never raise my hand at meetings when they ask "who is willing to be a sponsor", because I still feel I have so much to learn. But a couple of months ago, someone asked me anyway. After much thought and input from my own sponsor, I said yes.

Like others have said here, my sponsee had also been sober (in the past, for several years), but never worked the steps. So I felt unsure as to how I could help this woman.

I just have to say--It's amazing to watch her transformation. I have to constantly remind myself it's not about me, whether she succeeds, whether she doesn't--like you said, I'm just a vessel. I'm trying to act as a mirror for her to see herself more clearly, when she's too close to see what she might be missing. I tell her what my sponsor told me about the steps. I tell her what worked for me and how I got past the hard parts. And then I step out of the way and let her continue her process.

So far the hardest part of being a sponsor is just to shut up and listen. I see myself so much in my sponsee (we're amazingly alike--something I hadn't noticed before), it's hard sometimes to remember she might not respond the same way I would.

ArtDeco454

Good for you Paraffin. If you had a good sponsor yourself you will probably be a good one too if you follow what you learned. Stay one step ahead of the questions by being prepaired. Good luck.

cabledude

Hopefully being around AA for 2.5 years translates to being sober 2.5 years and isn't being used to inflate and distort your experience in order to secure approval from others here for what you want to do.

At a year and a half I started taking on sponsees and would tell you it was because I knew how hard it was to ask and these guys might not ask anyone else. Truth was I did it for my greater glory in AA and not for their benefit at all. I wanted to be like the big cheeses when I was a little cheese.

Soon I had a bunch, 'cause I can talk smoothly and con people. Four of them were named Jack and one was gay, so I referred to that set as my poker hand...4 Jacks and a Queen.

Sponsoring people is carrying a spiritual weight, one I could not carry effectively and was very relieved when they'd get drunk again...the weight was removed. None of that near hundred stayed sober and I did those men a disservice.

After I had more to give and a different attitude, and had done most of my amends at about 4 years, then my guys started staying sober for their lifetimes.

Do what you want, but try to put the needs of others first.

Paraffinalien

I understand and appreciate your concerns cabledude, thx for sharing your exp.
I have not been sober 2.5yrs, but you misunderstand why I posted that.
As for the other comments.
In my time around AA i have seen a huge difference between what the fellowship says members should be doing and what the BB of AA says what we need to do in order to be recovered. I stick to the book and ignore any of the BS that contradicts it.

Paraffinalien

....to clarify, helping others is what will grant us a fit spiritual condition. I have allways been honest around here about my length of sobriety. Sober for a year, found out to my cost that to not deal with resentments means to drink. Seven months sober since then.
If Bill and Bob had waited a year from their last drink before carrying the message there would be no AA.

cabledude

No clarification need, PA. All that was clear from the wording of your original post.

As a BB enthusiast, you'll know where to look up the various places where we are told to put the needs of others before our own.

If you're the best available to this guy, then terrific.

If you're not, and you take him on, then sidetracking him from getting better help from a more qualified member so you can feel better might be a selfish move on your part, worthy of further thought.

I note you are issuing simple notification, not asking for input. You are set on doing this. Sometime down the road you'll have some experience to share with a 7-month sober guy who notifies you he is bent on taking some poor guy through our steps.

But by then the guy you are doing this disservice to will be a distant, irretrievable memory.

Paraffinalien

Cabledude....man. This is not about me. I appreciate input, honestly. You will note that i mentioned the guy has been around eight years. He has had many sponsors who took him through the twelve and twelve....... This is common around these parts unfortunately. Would it not be a far greater disservice to allow this to be repeated?
I maybe misreading you but you seem be judging me by length of sobriety. I understand completely that you post from the point of view of concern for the sufferer.

Paraffinalien

I post on a mobile phone that allows only short posts, I often have to post twice to say what i would like to.....
My sponsee has already started the steps with me cabledude. We did steps 1,2 and 3 on saturday. He is currently doing step 4 and we will do 5,6 and 7 on saturday. EXACTLY as it says in the book. I/we are not relationship advisors/financial experts/therapists. All I have is twelve steps and a BB that gives me precise directions on following them.

Lushwell

I have problems with the interpretation and responsibilities of "Sponsorship" here. While the BB is our basic text, it does state on page 164 that "Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us."

More was disclosed, and five years after the publishing of the Big Book, AA's second publication came out. It was printed by the Cleveland Central Committee under the title: "A.A. Sponsorship... Its Opportunities and Its Responsibilities."

{excerpt}

PERSONAL GAINS OF BEING A SPONSOR

No one reaps full benefit from any fellowship he is connected with unless he whole-heartedly engages in its important activities. The expansion of Alcoholics Anonymous to wider fields of greater benefit to more people results directly from the addition of new, worth-while members or associates.

Any A.A. who has not experienced the joys and satisfaction of helping another alcoholic regain his place in life has not yet fully realized the complete benefits of this fellowship. On the other hand, it must be clearly kept in mind that the only possible reason for bringing an alcoholic into A.A. is for that person's gain. Sponsorship should never be undertaken to -

1. Increase the size of the group
2. For personal satisfaction and glory
3. Because the sponsor feels it his duty to re-make the world

1976 saw the publishing of the second pamphlet on sponsorship, "Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"

{excerpt}
What does a sponsor do?

A sponsor does everything possible, within the limits of personal experience and knowledge, to help the newcomer get sober and stay sober through the A.A. program:

• Shows by present example and drinking history what A.A. has meant in the sponsor's life.
• Encourages and helps the newcomer to attend a variety of A.A. meetings - to get a number of viewpoints and interpretations of the A.A. program.
• Suggests keeping an open mind about A.A. if the newcomer isn't sure at first whether he or she is an alcoholic.
• Never takes the newcomer's inventory except when asked.
• Introduces the newcomer to other members, particularly to those who may share the new person's occupational or social interests.
• Sees that the newcomer is aware of A.A. literature, in particular the Big Book, Twelve
Steps and Twelve Traditions, and Grapevine, As Bill Sees It, Living Sober, and suitable pamphlets.
• Is available to the newcomer when the latter has special problems.
• Goes over the meaning of the Twelve Steps, and emphasizes their importance.
• Never tries to impose personal views on the newcomer. A good sponsor who is an atheist does not try to persuade a religious newcomer to abandon faith, nor does a religious sponsor argue theological matters with an agnostic newcomer.
• Urges the newcomer to join in group activities as soon as possible.
• Impresses upon the newcomer the importance of all our Traditions.
• Does not pretend to know all the answers, and does not keep up a pretence of being
right all the time.
• Tries to give the newcomer some picture of the scope of A.A., beyond the group, and directs attention to A.A. literature about the history of the Fellowship, the Three Legacies, the service structure, and the worldwide availability of A.A. - wherever the newcomer may go.
• Explains the program to relatives of the alcoholic, if this appears to be useful, and tells them about Al-Anon Family Groups and Alateen.
• Does not hesitate to help the newcomer obtain professional help (such as medical, legal, vocational) if assistance outside the scope of A.A. is needed.
• Quickly admits, "I don't know" when that is the case, and helps the newcomer find a good source of information.
• Finally, the sponsor encourages the newcomer to work with other alcoholics as soon as possible, and sometimes begins by taking the newcomer along on Twelfth Step calls.

Sometimes what we believe to be the voice of God directing our actions, turns out to be intestinal gas. Bouncing our intentions and motives off of others helps sift the wheat from the chaff.

Paraffinalien

Thanks for the useful post Lushwell, I have never come across this pamphlet however and can only work with what i know. For sure I will take time to consider what it says.
Dont get me wrong, I view the 12 and 12 as a very useful resource in expanding my understanding of the steps after the basic work has been done, As Bill See's It is currently my daily meditation book.
My primary concern at the moment though is getting the sponsee through the steps in as simple and accurate way as possible.

cabledude

So P, some months have passed and I'm curious...how did the sponsorship of the new member go?