I am having a really difficult time
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
One of the hardest things for me to grasp when I felt hurt by someone's actions was that their actions are about them and rarely were they specifically intended to hurt me. Felt like they were, but they weren't. I've hurt plenty of people, and sure, sometimes, my actions were vindictive, but most of the time, they weren't.
Detaching is tricky. It can seem like we're detaching when what we're really doing is stuffing a bunch of pain. I have to acknowledge the pain (which you are), and then I have to start walking through it. Along the way, and in prayer and reliance on the strength of my HP, I usually find myself in a place of compassion for the one whose actions hurt -- and it's about the time that it clicks: it's not me. I just happened to be there. Very often, my role in the situation is thinking that I'm the target (ego).
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Detaching is tricky. It can seem like we're detaching when what we're really doing is stuffing a bunch of pain. I have to acknowledge the pain (which you are), and then I have to start walking through it. Along the way, and in prayer and reliance on the strength of my HP, I usually find myself in a place of compassion for the one whose actions hurt -- and it's about the time that it clicks: it's not me. I just happened to be there. Very often, my role in the situation is thinking that I'm the target (ego).
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Sugah 
Very often, my role in the situation is thinking that I'm the target (ego).
The truth is, I'm probably not even crossing their minds as they go about their day. The truth is, I could drop off the face of the earth tomorrow, and with the exception of a handful of people close to me, the earth would not even notice I'm gone.
To me, this is not a statement of low self-esteem. It's just being right-sized. My proper place in the world is very small. One person amongst billions, fully flawed and human, trying to live life with a sense of purpose in spite of my relative insignificance.
The miracle is that we do have some small sphere of significance. The tricky part is realizing just how small it is.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Music
Yes they do Mike. The problem is that as time goes by, some newcomers seem to think the oldtimers are stuck in the past ans should move forward to get in the day. Then they wonder why sobriety eludes them. They seem forget that there's only one way to become an oldtimer. Do what's told/sugested to them.
Originally Posted by keithj
The truth is, I'm probably not even crossing their minds as they go about their day. The truth is, I could drop off the face of the earth tomorrow, and with the exception of a handful of people close to me, the earth would not even notice I'm gone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by DayTrader
And I love em for sticking to their guns / your guns. I LOVE it when one of the old/long - timers hits me with a statement or a question that rocks my world. One, it shows me I'm still kinda teachable.......sometimes - lol. And.....it shows me how much more there is to sobriety that I just don't know that I don't know.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Music
and C, those old farts just might love you enough to be honest with you at the risk of upsetting you.
Love those guys for doing exactly what they said.....telling me what I needed to hear.....and taking my guff with a smile.......and loving me enough to keep doing it. That's a skill I don't yet fully possess but aspire to have some day.
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