Daily Reflections- Oct 15

[MootPoint]

MY CHECKLIST, NOT YOURS
Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness .

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 67

Sometimes I don't realize that I gossiped about someone until the end of the day, when I take an inventory of the day's activities, and then, my gossiping appears like a blemish in my beautiful day. How could I have said something like that? Gossip shows its ugly head during a coffee break or lunch with business associates, or I may gossip during the evening, when I am tired of the day's activities, and feel justified in bolstering my ego at the expense of someone else.

Character defects like gossip sneak into my life when I am not making a constant effort to work the Twelve Steps of recovery. I need to remind myself that my uniqueness is the blessing of my being, and that applies equally to everyone who crosses my path in life's journey. Today the only inventory I need to take is my own. I'll leave judgment of others to the Final Judge—Divine Providence.

[Digits101010]

I used to think that when *I* gossiped about someone it was okay because *I* knew what I was talking about. *I* really *was* better than so and so. [Truth: I never felt good enough, and so by extension neither were you. So if I could put *you* down I may *look* good enough to the person who was allowing me to gossip with them/to them.]

When I first started applying the principles of this program into my life I thought that when people downed gossip they were just being *two-faced*...Much like how I thought the entire "proper & good" world, at night, when they shut their doors to retire were like me....and would then get drunk, wasted, and nasty too.We judge others to the extent we judge ourselves. But that was all I knew..."Walking Contradictions."

Tonight I was sharing with a fellow...Well, suffice it to say, that [here's another miracle in my life]...God has precisely and efficiently extricated that character defect from me. I hadn't noticed it until tonight. I mean...I hadn't been cognizant of it until tonight. I had listed that as a character defect and worked the 7th step on it...[7th step prayer, and prayed for the awareness] and for about two weeks, maybe three I can't remember the date I listed it....But I haven't felt the slightest need to engage in gossip OR character assasination [sp?] of any kind.

It's amazing how good I feel about myself. I mean "me." EVEN when I would go to my sponsor and crap talk about someone offending or hurting me...taking their inventory...I felt "not quite okay." Today I WILL take someone's inventory after all, I can only aspire to humanness even WITH a God conciousness but it's not wholly necessary to go over my perceived character defects of them with anyone. Plus, just because I may not agree with their __________ [fill in the blank] doesn't mean I have to play God today and maybe they are exactly where God has intended them to be for whatever reason.

I don't mean to come off sounding like the elder statesman here, because what I am really trying to convey is that when I keep the inventory checklist OFF of other people I simply feel okay in my own skin. Kinda like another notch of wellness, like when I woke up this morning, had a good day and didn't feel it necessary for me to have a drink or drug.

Miracles up all over THIS place!!
Diggin' it,
Digits