Living the AA lifestyle or living YOUR life?

[WakeUp]

I've been thinking about this for awhile.
I'm a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous. While I'm not the biggest meeting goer, much to the chagrin of my sponsor, (that still feels wierd to say!) AA will always be a part of my life. I respect the Fellowship and the history of those who came before us.

Now, having said that, I want to live my life. I want to live among the world, doing my own interests. I don't want to live in an AA bubble like I've heard of people doing. All friends are AA, all social activities are AA, vacations are centered around the AA conference.

I value the relationships I've made with people in AA, I cherish my sponsor, (wow, there I go again!), and someday I will have to carry on the message that has been given to me.

I guess I want AA to give me my life back, not BE my life.

Does any of this make sense?

[CarolD]

My life is balanced.
I do all sorts of things not directly AA related.

However....without God and AA....
none of these would be happening.

Do I take God and AA into my daily life?
Absolutely!

[susanlauren]

WakeUp,
There is a word for you want. It is called "balance". I am grateful for AA and all that it has given me. AA is not my entire world. I am involved in my church and in my community. I have friends in a variety of settings. I keep sobriety my priority, and I go to 3-4 meetings each week. We were given our lives back so that we can be of maximum service to God, to our fellows, to our families, to our communities.
SusanLauren

[Mark75]

Yea, I get what you are saying. I think about that less, lately. I remember having the same anxiety towards the end of my first year in the program. I have a life, friends, activities that are not AA. I am a boy scout leader, father, husband, cyclist, guitarist (well, trying to be, since like 12 years old...) and they are all healthy sober non AA activities...

I know lots of people in my home group that say the same thing...

Yea, it's balance... And what's neat is that you can step up your meetings if needed... make more calls, whatever... But keep going to your home group, without fail, just do it... I have 3 meetings a week... I go no matter what, unless I'm out of town... It's all good

Mark

[BadCompany]

Pretty normal transition point that many of us go through. Some of us have a life outside of AA when we get here that we can be a part of when we first got sober. Alcoholics like me came here and nothing from my old life was compatible with sobriety so they were all left behind. After a few years I came to the same point that you are at now and I began "branching out" so to speak. I practice these principles in all my affairs, but AA is not my only affair.

[intention]

Recovery is my life. God is my life and I let God give me the life he wants for me. It just happens to work out much better than when I pick and choose what I think I want to do.

Someone recently shared with me that they were not happy that their relationship had become all about recovery and AA (both are AA) and little time for "other interests". The yearning for something else in his voice, concerned me. Within 2 weeks, he had relapsed.

[Rusty Zipper]

for me,

im running with the balance bit

[SizzleChest]

I understand your point well. My biggest hurdle has been trying to reconcile AA with the rest of life, as well. For me, i feel that if i follow one thing completely, that i am not my own person anymore. I can say that i have never really had much more than just over three months sober, and i was using AA as sincerely as i ever had at that time. Im just starting over again, and have not been sober for very long, but i do have the same fears and concerns as you expressed......whats better: a life following a strict theory/dogma that is with a clear head, or having total freedom to choose, listening to your own impulses and processing it all with only your own senses, but struggling with hangovers, etc? I dont know, and i also dont know if those are the only two alternatives.....but, so far for me, the latter seems to have been the case, freedom to choose, but lots and lots of lost days................anyway, im trying to figure it out too.....Good luck!

[yeahgr8]

My sponsor told me that AA is a bridge to normal living...so that's what it is:-)

[navysteve]

I have been sober for quite a while (20 years) Where I live now I socialize with more people outside of AA than inside AA. I have pursued my interests to the fullest of my ability (finances has been the main thing to keep me from doing everything). I agree that many folks hide in AA meetings and live in the "bubble". I suppose it is better than living the drunken life, and I have a responsibility to be there for the next person who comes in the rooms, but I also have a responsibility to have something to transmit. Find your interests, but remember why you can pursue them. Don't hide- Live! If your sponsor does not understand guess what? They make a new sponsor everyday

[keithj]

I don't live an 'AA lifestyle'. I try my best to live the life that the God of my understanding wants me to live. Try to be who he would have me be.

[shaun00]

let it be said that some that live an AA lifestyle or appear to "hide in AA".
Do so because they having nothing left after a lifetime of bridge burning.
it maybe the only human contact they have left.

Along with sobriety came responsiblitys........work......bills......married life and all that goes with that...

i got this life back because an old timer took the time to show me how.....its also a responsibilty of mine to mirror that service and reach out to a suffering alcoholic....whenever and wherever possible.

ive never lived in the "fellowship" and never will.........the answers for me always lay/laid in the book and with god..

[ananda]

This has been on my mind.

My sponsor and another lady friend of mine....thier lives, their marriages, everything about them is 100% AA related 100% of the time...They always drop EVRYTHNG outside of AA to do AA activities....and they are on the run 24/7.

I really don't want that...It not only doesn't appeal to me..it strikes me as someone said..hiding in the program and taking life way too dmn seriously...

I want the centered message these women give me, and am glad for thier decision to live their lives as they are. However, I have seen non-AA activities where I can give to the stream of life outside of the rooms and program activities...I feel very strongly called to these pursuits.

Right now...I do a LOT of AA, a LOT of time with recovery people....but I also pursue applying my talents outside the rooms.

I think I may have some hard decisions to make in a week or two as i am starting a job (finally) and time will be harder to come by.

[Music]

Originally Posted by WakeUp

I guess I want AA to give me my life back, not BE my life.

I believe if I've worked the steps to the best of my ability, at some point(different for all individuals)I grow into a way of life including AA to some degree which is explained in Bill's Story when he talks about the "Fourth Dimension." I realize this fourth dimension in which AA is included. People who after 8 or 10 years in AA, still find it necessary to go to six or eight meetings a week, need to re-evaluate what they've done in AA up to that point. Something's missing!!

[Mark75]

Originally Posted by ananda

I want the centered message these women give me, and am glad for thier decision to live their lives as they are. However, I have seen non-AA activities where I can give to the stream of life outside of the rooms and program activities...I feel very strongly called to these pursuits.

That's kind of a seeming paradox that I see too...

hmm, I don't know if this is a fair analogy, or not... In the catholic church there are so many lay people involved, Eucharistic ministers, etc.... and then there are the nuns who give their entire life to service, and the KofC, ... As a member of the church, I benefit enormously from their total immersion and dedication to that singular lifestyle, and I try to give back where I can... But have not chosen (or perhaps, better to say "called") to live my life in that bubble, or the AA bubble.... but that doesn't mean that I am not part of AA... or the church .... I can give back when I can, and as trucker mentioned, perhaps I will get the honor to mirror what others have done for me....

We all benefit from each other. We all have our place and our own role in the great fellowship of AA.

[Tommyh]

I try to live AA as a way of life, out in the world,starting in my home with my family and going out from there

I have a meaningful life now thanks to AA and God,as I understand Him.

For me,it all started in my AA home group

[Music]

My sponsor Patrick told me once that I needed to strive for a daily balance of AA, work, love and play. I did that for a long time until I joined my church. Now it's AA/church, work, love and play. I try to not get involved too much in any one thing 'cause I learned early in AA that when I spend more time in meetings than I do with my family, I may not drink but my family doesn't get the proper amount of attention. Not much of a problem now because I'm basically retired and don't work much but I still try to get that balance. When I give too much outside of me the inside of me gets jealous and I develope a resentment, so I need time to do something for my inside. Make sense??

[WakeUp]

I recently met a woman with over 20 years sobriety adn still goes to at least 5 meetings a week. Every activity she does is with AA people. Goes to the AA conference every year no matter where it's held. That's great for her. She's lived a wonderful sober life and she's happy.

I need that balance. AA is a part of my life, but just one part. When I'm in a fit spiritual condition, I can be out there in the world. There's plenty of suffering alcoholics out there that maybe a spark could be lit by watching my example. I dunno.

And if I go to activities where there is drinking, guess what, I'm not the Drinking Police. As long as they're legal age adn not driving, I don't care if anyone drinks around me.

Yes, balance, one of the most important things for us in recovery.

[nocoincidence56]

Amen, to that!

[north]

Originally Posted by WakeUp

I've been thinking about this for awhile.
I'm a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous. While I'm not the biggest meeting goer, much to the chagrin of my sponsor, (that still feels wierd to say!) AA will always be a part of my life. I respect the Fellowship and the history of those who came before us.

Now, having said that, I want to live my life. I want to live among the world, doing my own interests. I don't want to live in an AA bubble like I've heard of people doing. All friends are AA, all social activities are AA, vacations are centered around the AA conference.

I value the relationships I've made with people in AA, I cherish my sponsor, (wow, there I go again!), and someday I will have to carry on the message that has been given to me.

I guess I want AA to give me my life back, not BE my life.

Does any of this make sense?

Almost everything you indicated rang true with me. I don't attend very many meetings and certainly AA is not central to my life as it is for many people I have met. However, I also understand that for them, the alternative would very possibly be relapsing back into a drinking life - so, more power to them. And, I really do appreciate the help, support and good people they provided when I first decided to quit the booze.

My friend and AA sponsor was quite adamant that one needed to attend at least three meetings a week and complete the steps - or, according to him, I would absolutely surely 100% relapse. He was sincerely concerned for my welfare. However, I know he was wrong and after a while I think he also understood my situation. He even surmised that I may have not been a 'true' alcoholic after all - I wasn't compelled to drink every day, and when I did drink, 75 to 80% of the time, it was in relative moderation without any troubles, blackouts or regrettable episodes. I don't agree with theories that posit it would have simply been a matter of time before I would be drinking everyday -- in fact, if anything, my drinking frequency dropped (while the 'regrettable episodes' stayed at an annoying constant percentage).

With both parents having PhDs and occupations in counselling psychology, I was always aware of people/patients for whom the therapy seemed to be for a lifetime. My understanding was that at some point, the goal was for the patient to become independent not dependent on therapy. I saw AA in a similar vein for me ... the group is very helpful and has lots of great people. However, my goal and inspiration for quitting the booze has been to use sobriety in order to spend other parts of life more productively - family especially. For me, it's the strongest positive reinforcement force in my life.