Sharing - planned or spontaneous?

[intention]

Assuming you are working the 12 Steps and there are newcomers or those still suffering in the meeting and there is no particular topic, how do you decide what you are going to share?

Is is a spontaneous reaction to what you hear in the room?... .or do you plan it before?

I find if I plan it, even for a few minutes, 'self' kicks in. My ego wants it to be word perfect and make sure I give the needed message of the day and before I know it I am so wrapped up in my share, that I am not listening to someone elses.

So I let go of this and just listen to others and ask God to show me when to talk and what to say. It works and I end up saying what people need to hear (they tell me after)....and it feels right too, rather than if I plan those minutes ahead.

[ananda]

a little of both I love paradoxes

I think we are suppose to develop some intuition that allows us to be helpful to the still suffering alchoholic automatically, but...

I do listen to each person and think as they speak about similar instances I have experienced as it says to look at how we can be effective in working with others....so thats a kinda planning.....

course i don't get all this stuff yet ...so grain of salt, grain of salt

[CarolD]

I don't recall a meeting I've ever been to
without a specified topic.

Anyway....I open mouth and speak. No planning
even when I am the designated member at
a Speakers Meeting.

I do make a point to talk with newcomers...
make sure they have a meeting list-BB-phone numbers.
That's why I usually sit by the door....

[Taking5]

I try real hard to listen to everyone to see if they are newcomers or if they seem to be struggling. If they are new/struggling I try to share in a way my ES&H can help them. If they are not new/struggling, I try to listen real hard to see if their ESH can help me.

[WakeUp]

I just speak from the heart at meetings. I tell stories, parables, quote Robert Frost, they love it!

[nandm]

What I have found is that when I have been thinking of what I might say if called on then I miss what others are saying. When I do that then I am letting my ego tell me what I have to say is more important than the person speaking while I am thinking up what I might say.

So early in my sobriety I learned from my sponsor that the best thing I can do is listen and if called on say a quick prayer, "let me hear what I need to hear and say what you would have me say". By doing this I only have to pause for a brief second to say the prayer and then what is said comes from my heart. Sometimes I feel like it comes out foolish or makes no sense but when I have done as I was taught I know that I am more likely to have done my HP will rather than my own and that is what is important to me.

[barb dwyer]

I say what I'm compelled to say.
Sometimes, I don't want to say anything
but either Spirit hits me upside the head
to way whatever it is
or the meeting flips around

and I get chosen to speak.

I've learned just to go with it.

[freya]

No planning...I just speak when I feel moved to speak and then say what I feel moved to say.

If I am the speaker, I usually "plan" to the extent that I have in mind a topic or principle around which I'm going to loosely organize what I say...but, even then, sometimes it changes in the middle. I always pray beforehand that HP give me the words that others present need to hear.

freya

[spryte]

I don't plan. When I organize my thoughts ahead of time, I sound like a phony. Part of quitting drinking for me is letting my honest thoughts come through. I have no problem organizing thoughts and presenting them effectively and saying 'the right things'. What I have a problem with is honesty, and I find I'm most honest when the thoughts just bubble to the surface.

[navysteve]

I have a simple rule:

If I am sitting in a meeting thinking about what I am going to share while you are speaking, I say nothing.

When I feel moved- I share. My heart does not work off of a script.

One of the reasons I do not like hour long speaker meetings is because we miss the energy from people sharing their experience. Listening to one person speak is like sitting through a lecture ( Zzzzzz....)

[Ceres]

Here's the little AAism that bugs me:

Comment: It wasn't a very good meeting tonite

Answer: If it wasn't a good meeting, did you do contribute anything to make it better?
(please note it wasn't even a question)

Sometime's it's just a crappy meeting and that's it!

At my regular meetings we tend pick on one another so there's not a lot of waiting for someone to volunteer. I still hate that awkward silence. Almost EVERYTIME I raise my hand and volunteer - I trip over my words and lose my train of thought. Weird. When I get picked on I do better. Maybe because it just flows out. Either way, I'm not a strong speaker. I type much better than I talk (which probably isn't saying much). On the otherhand, my sponsor is a great speaker. But doesn't type or spell too well.

Which poses an interesting question. I wonder how many of the frequent posters, are not very comfortable speakers?

<raising hand>

[Stereosteveo]

If there are new people I usually talk about step 1 and 2. I never have to try to think of anything to share. I just quote the book and try to help the new people understand what it is saying. But that can be dangerous too, because it's my interpretation of course. So sometimes I just spend my 5 minutes reading straight from it. I think if they wanted me to add something to it they would have made that clear at some point in the last 75 years.

[tomvlll]

Originally Posted by intention

Assuming you are working the 12 Steps and there are newcomers or those still suffering in the meeting and there is no particular topic, how do you decide what you are going to share?

.

You answered the question for me.

I used to share my brilliiant philosophies at meetings.
I mean EVERYbody just had to hear my inimitable and brilliant take on alcoholism.

But , I eventually leanrned what the AA program of recovery really was.

< best kept secret in AA--it's read in almost every meeting , it starts with " rarely have we seen...">

Now I try to talk directly to those still suffering alcoholics and let them know they can recover and how they can recover.

[yeahgr8]

Never really thought about it too much? If it is an extended silence sure i will say something to get the ball rolling, generally works. I like it when you said assuming you are working the 12 steps, IMO if you are not then keep your quiet and hopefully you will hear why you should be...

I do love meetings though, always feel better than when i walked in even if it hasn't been that great, content wise:-)

[BP44]

I have found that my best sharing is before or after a meeting. In any given meeting I am partially listening. Even at the ones that I have planned on not sharing. Even then, I'm still partially thinking about what I am going to say if I'm called on. I wish it weren't true, but it is true. That is one reason I actually love speaker meetings. I'm able to devote 100% to listening. And there are some things I listen for in a story. I listen to the qualification. Are they describing the real alcoholic? I listen for surrender. And I listen for transformation. I can identify with all of it. In a discussion meeting, quite frankly, I like to sit in the silence when it happens cause I know that God uses what's at hand and He's on the job.

[navysteve]

Sometime's it's just a crappy meeting and that's it!

Amen! And acknowledging that is not a black eye to the fellowship or program of AA. We are not infallible!

At my regular meetings we tend pick on one another so there's not a lot of waiting for someone to volunteer.

Not a fan of meetings where they only pick on people to speak. Not very welcoming to transplants/ visitors or newcomers. Tend to be clicky!

I am the reverse of you in this respect. if I get called on I tend to not say much of substance or I go with something rehearsed. ( rehearsed sharing= bad meeting!)

I actually prefer meetings where folks share at will as opposed to being picked. Having gotten sober with Baltimore AA I was taught that if you volunteer to share it is ego. When I moved from Baltimore I took that with me, and as a result I never volunteered to share in a meeting. And coincidentally, people never got to know me.

I do better sharing when moved to do so...

As far as posting on here, it is a love/frustration thing. I do enjoy writing more because of the internet and sites like this, but the PC ( political correctness) of the site gets old. Some good folks get banned because they don't fit into the schema...

[Mark75]

I don't rehearse anything. I want to be "moved" by the spirit of the meeting. I try to stay on topic and within my own experience.

Mark

[findingout]

Originally Posted by navysteve

I actually prefer meetings where folks share at will as opposed to being picked. Having gotten sober with Baltimore AA I was taught that if you volunteer to share it is ego. When I moved from Baltimore I took that with me, and as a result I never volunteered to share in a meeting. And coincidentally, people never got to know me.
.

Interesting. The majority of meetings in the Detroit area are small tables of 8 to 12 people, a large meeting just has more tables. As a result, everyone has an opportunity to share at every meeting without the pressure (real or imagined) of having to say something deeply profound in front of the entire meeting. It is true that this format requires us to listen to newcomers who have no real experience talking about things that they don't understand yet but it also provides an opportunity for experienced members to share their understanding in a more intimate, less "this is the word delivered from on high" manner. It also goes a ways towards eliminating the cliquey behavior as far as sharing goes. I do sometimes see the same people sitting together at the same table week after week and wonder if they ever get tired of hearing each other talk.

If I am asked to lead a table, especially at a progressive step meeting, I do my best to stick to my understanding and experience with the particular step to get things started. I think sometimes this does come out sounding a little prepared. I much prefer not leading the table and listening to what others have to say as that's when I learn the most. The old chestnut about taking the cotton out of your ears and putting it in your mouth seems to apply to me just as much these days as it did when I started this journey.

[intention]

Thanks for all replies. I am thinking out loud here. Apologies if it is rambling and incoherant.


I haven't been to meetings for a long time so it is taking some time to get used to it again. At the meetings I go to, there are no topics, just a short intro and reading, on with sharing for 1 hour 20 minutes. Anyone can share and people just jump in when they want to.

The meeting's restless. Everyone is up and down, in and out, door open, door shut, people off to make a tea, out for a fag. Someone is mid-share and shouts out "That F**KING door!". It's distracting. Someones finishes sharing and it's all change, like being on the underground train and the doors open, people go out, people go in.

I've chosen a table without biscuits and cakes on it because I am a recovering compulsive overeater. Half way through sharing, someone gets up walks across the room and hands me a pack of Jammie Dodgers. What do I do with these ?? - I don't want to eat them. I look to the table next to me, and there's another compulsive overeater, so I can't pass them over there. I'll just have to leave them in front of me.

I know I have problems with my ego when it come to sharing . I know that when I think about sharing and plan it, it's my ego telling me I have to say the right thing, be perfect because inside I am so frightened of getting it wrong. Alizerin, I am told I am good at talking in meetings. That's does wonders for my ego

So all the time I am praying & meditating "Please God help me to listen so I can be of help others"

The distractions start to amuse me rather than annoy. Maybe it's God's way of reminding me that I still have to think of others despite all the background noise. A test to see if I can still let go of self-will in this chaos.....or a reminder to show I can let go of self-will.

I'm listening to the shares. There's a lot of people still in trouble but they are sober. There are people who say they are in recovery because of the fellowship of AA. AA keeps you sober, I hear. I do hear someone talk about the 12 steps but just one person. I feel a responsibility to share something on the solution of working the steps. It's down to me to save the World and all the suffering alcoholics in it......I feel ego creeping back in again as I mentally prepare a share.....then I let go of it again. More prayer.

Suddenly I get the sense it is my time to share after hearing a woman in trouble. I have a message for her. So I begin, "I'm J, I am an alcoholic". She leaves the room. But that's OK, I tell myself, it is meant to be. As I finish sharing, she walks back in the room. Perfect timing, it was obviously meant to be.

I am amused by this. I have learned another lesson. Even though God tells me the message to give, it is not my decision on who gets to hear it. I am definitely not running the show any more. It's humbling.......but I feel at peace.

I am starting to enjoy the company of the older alkies in the room. They are warm and friendly, genuine interested in people. A few weeks ago I was thinking "where are all the good looking blokes here?". I'm making progress....

It should all be so simple - after all, its just sharing at a meeting! The replies in this thread make it sound simple. For some reason my ego wants to go and complicate it all. I am not perfect yet - if I was I would be God. Still, there is much room for spiritual growth and I welcome it. I have a meeting tomorrow. I am actually looking forward to it.

[hughs dad]

Wow, intention - great post. I find myself thinking of what I'll say, trying to sound profound, or not wanting to dominate the group, etc... instead of just letting it come. Great post my freind! I learned a lot from it.