Need.Help-12th.step.work-active.wet.alcoholics

[NewMe11109]

Hi SR - I am really happy to be the New Me -- and a grateful member of AA.

I need some advice from those of you who are a lot more experienced than I, specifically with 12th step work with active / wet alcoholics.

For the past three months I have been really ramping up my 12th step work - starting with attending AA meetings at homeless shelters, then being the speaker at a 90 day treatment program, and then being the speaker at a hospital AA meeting.

Last night, I began the next phase of my 12th step work. My sponsor and I spent last night taking one of his sponsees to two meetings and making a call to an active wet alcoholic who needs help. (e.g. now my 12th step work is changing to work one on one with alcoholics)

I will be going to meet with the active and likely drunk alcoholic next Monday, and I must admit that I am a little nervous.

As I've always tried to learn a new skill 110% (I know, you can't completely take the alcoholic thinking out of me), I am interested in hearing some good tips, tricks, advice, stickies, etc. from you about how you were most effective in helping active wet alcoholics.

My sponsor has been great and really encouraging me to do this -- and while I know that you can't help or reach everyone, I still want to do my research so I can be better.

I would appreciate your guidance. Thanks.

[jimhere]

I could write a big long post about how to work with alcoholics, but it is all spelled out and stacked up in Chapter 7. Might want to go over that chapter.

Thanks for doing this work. To me this is the real work of Alcoholics Anonymous, the work the book means when it speaks "Doing the work." The work that not a lot of AA members want to do anymore. Mostly, we sit in our comfy little meetings and wait for them to come to us and then we hand them a meeting schedule with a bunch of phone numbers on it and think we have done 12th-Step work.

So, God bless you for being willing to do this work.
Jim

[McGowdog]

I've been asked to meet with a new drunk at a place like the IHOP or Dennys. We like to go with at least two... but that's not a rule.

I just tell the guy how I drank and let him share how he drinks. If we're convinced he may be a drunk, we try to put a meeting and especially another meeting with us in his path... maybe mention the book.

[tomvlll]

If you go a little ways down the page, you can see a 12 step guide.

Part 2: Chris Raymer, AA Big Book, CA speaker, talk about carrying the message to the addict that still suffers

My own experience. Prepare to be frustrated. Talking with somebody, knowing they aren't getting it and knowing their life is going to get a whole lot worse.

[Tommyh]

I would say it ain`t all spelled out in the big book or by chris r.

but it is all spelled out in other AA literature-as long as you refer to it,you will do good.
I suggest you visit this site,and you can click on the menu on the left and read over various AA literatures like PI,TF,CPC,and CF an more.Carrying the message to wet drunks is good,and we can see by the literature ( AA`s combined experience of many AA 12 steppers )we can do it more effectively thru various committee efforts.

Alcoholics Anonymous : How AA members Cooperate with ProfessionalsAlcoholics Anonymous : How AA members Cooperate with Professionals


here is another example of how we can help get the message to wet drunks
the PI workbook
Alcoholics Anonymous : P.I. Workbook

good job on your involvement,keep on carrying the message!

as far as helping wet drunks,they gotta want it first,then we can get somewhere.The best teacher is my experience,as yours will be.

[jimhere]

"...as far as helping wet drunks,they gotta want it first,then we can get somewhere.The best teacher is my experience,as yours will be."

Well said. I've made every mistake that there is to make, from carrying the alcoholic instead of the message to force-feeding it to a guy who doesn't want it.

My experience is that you can't really screw them up any worse than they already are.

I would still contend that it is spelled out in the book though. That is what the whole book is about.
Jim

[lizw]

If he is ready, there is nothing you can say that will change his mind.
And if he is not ready there is nothing you can do that will change his mind.

I've always thought half the battle is won by just going to see them, especially so if they are on the real down and out. I.e. family left, fired from their job etc....

I'm pretty sure in Chapter 7 it says something like 'Even if your prospect doesn't want soberity, you will have made a friend.' But of course then you'll have to give him one of those little pink cards titled 'What AA does not do' so he doesn't start to think you'll be the banker, the employer or his mommy. I think it is also in chapter 7 that says, 'Remember they (the prospects) are very sick!'

[McGowdog]

Originally Posted by tomvlll

My own experience. Prepare to be frustrated. Talking with somebody, knowing they aren't getting it and knowing their life is going to get a whole lot worse.

My experience; I get fired up and energized. Whether or not he gets and stays sober is none of my bidness. Very few get ahold of this deal and keep showing up, but the ones that do, I take note of. The ones who get it and go back out bums me out a bit, but just last Thursday I saw two people come back in and who had been back out for a couple of years. Where does this tie into the recovery rate, IDK.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by me11109

... I am interested in hearing some good tips, tricks, advice, stickies, etc. from you about how you were most effective in helping active wet alcoholics.

I admire your courage but question your wisdom. I have tried a few times to work with wet alcoholics and not one of them ever called me back (except those trying to borrow money). I know of no one personally who has had much success and I have had dozens of old-timers tell me it is a waste of time.

The only open talk-speaker that I have heard that had good results with active alcoholics is Clarence Snyder who founded the Cleveland Group.

Biography: Clarence S., "Home Brewmeister"

[NewMe11109]

Thanks Everybody -

Great info and perspective.

I'm not expecting a good succes rate, but hopefully it is about keeping me sober and making a small difference in someone's life.

I am not doing this alone, but will be the wing-man of my sponsor who is very experienced with this (very experienced H&I guy). So, I will be learning from a good mentor, but find the SR inputs really great (and it allows me to look a little less green with my sponsor).

I called the wet drunk today and told him that I would be taking him to a meeting shortly. He was crying on the phone to me and told me that he really wants the help.

I will keep you all updated on how it goes.

Thanks. NewMe

[Music]

Only one suggestion. Don't go alone. I know it's not written but it is talked about and suggested. You and your partner can fill in holes for each other.

REMEMBER: You aren't going on the 12 step call to sober anyone up. You're there to share and in doing so, you'll stay sober. Any chance you have to talk to a wet drunk, take it. You'll never get a better reminder of what it used to be like, than when you're sitting across from yourself.

[johnstacey45]

You can't change anybody's mind, it is their prerogative whether or not they chose to stop drinking. That is why an AA meeting may prove futile for me, since I make my own decisions about that. For me, the reason I'm trying to stop is because I won't be able to keep a damn job in the future.

[McGowdog]

When I came to A.A. 12-Step-Support-Meeting, I was asked if I thought I might have a problem with alcohol. I said "Yes."

Then I was asked if I wanted to do something about it/quit for good and all. I said, "Yes" and ended aka tore up my prerogative "ticket" right then and there.

Oh... and sobriety was the result.

[NewMe11109]

All- The 12th step work with the active alcoholics went well last night. It was a good beginning.

Thanks for all your advice and suggestions.