knowing but not doing

[tkdan]

I know resentments need to be dealt with but I find myself letting them pile up before I deal with them. I know I need to call my sponsor but I do not. I know I cannot do it on my own but I try. I know I should help others so I get out of myself but I let self-pity take over.
So much has happened lately leading me to so many resentments. Will not go into details. I want to let go and let God. I want to find peace and joy in life. I want to quit fighting against an unseen enemy.
Why can I not see the positive aspects of my life.

[AW2486]

If I have learned anything in AA.. having knowledge is wonderful. But if I don't apply that knowledge nothing happens. I'm just a smarter miserable person. When I stay in action I see the positive in everything.

I have the same problem. Getting or staying it action is my biggest difficulty.

[Music]

Well tkdan, you outlined the solutions to resentments. You know what to do so just do it. Like so many other things, hitting a bottom helps to get us into action. I guess it depends on your threshhold of pain.

[navysteve]

working the steps is the best way to work on your resentments. It is also the best amends you will ever make to yourself

[Sugah]

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional?

tkdan, if you're anything like me, you cringe at the idea of dealing with those resentments? It's going to be uncomfortable, it's going to be time-consuming, I might be misunderstood, or God forbid, not validated. My ego tells me all sorts of things, and I end up putting it off at the expense of a whole lot of serenity. I've been observing lately -- about two days with a resentment gestating and I feel like Sigourney Weaver in Alien.

You (we) know what to do. It's up to you (us) how long you (we) want to suffer.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[tkdan]

Thanks for the words of wisdom.

if you're anything like me, you cringe at the idea of dealing with those resentments?

I guess I am like you. Yes my ego fights dealing with resentments the way the book tells me to. Yes my pride does not want to admit I may be the problem. I need to be honest with myself.

[tricky164]

The book tells me that "we discuss them with someone immediately".
this doesnt always have to be my sponsor, sometimes i ring someone in the fellowship, who also works a good program and talk to them.

this is, as im sure you already know "a program of action NOT thinking ".
so why stop doing what worked in the beginning ?.

i dont stop doing this stuff everyday, because i never want to go back to that misery i came from.

thankyou for sharing this with us, because i need to hear what happens when i decide to stop doing the step 10.

peace and fellowship to you !!

god bless

[chrisinaustin]

To repeat the pithy phrase as my sponsor does: you don't get the strength to take the action -- you take the action to get the strength.

[Charmie]

i think that would be a resounding ACTION tkdan,,,,,,,,,you know what you have to do,so go do it!

[jimhere]

Someone once warned me not to take this path if I didn't want to wake up. Because once you wake up, you can never go back. The path gets narrower.

The longer I am on this path, the less I can tolerate psychic pain.
Jim

[warrens]

If your resentment is due to anger, remember that giving another that space in your head only serves to empower them.

Remembering that helps me immensely when I feel wronged. There are all kinds of resentments, but I limit the number of people who can hurt me to those I care for deeply.

Hope it helps. Don't drink the poison that is resentment.

warren

[Ago]

Originally Posted by tkdan

I know resentments need to be dealt with but I find myself letting them pile up before I deal with them. I know I need to call my sponsor but I do not. I know I cannot do it on my own but I try. I know I should help others so I get out of myself but I let self-pity take over.
So much has happened lately leading me to so many resentments. Will not go into details. I want to let go and let God. I want to find peace and joy in life. I want to quit fighting against an unseen enemy.
Why can I not see the positive aspects of my life.

welcome to being normal in sobriety

pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth

I love meetings about humility, and growth, and listening to people blather on about how humble and spiritual they are when the truth is every single one of them was bludgeoned into this by alcohol, stupidity, and recalcitrant stubborness and basically pain

Like Bill says paraphrased "sometimes this is a tedious process, we hope that you won't be as stupid and stubborn as some of us were"

that boy was speaking from personal experience there

when you are ready for this to stop you will take action

Ignorance Is Bliss
Someone once warned me not to take this path if I didn't want to wake up. Because once you wake up, you can never go back. The path gets narrower.

The longer I am on this path, the less I can tolerate psychic pain.
Jim

The only advice I ever "heard" in AA was "keep doing what you are doing" and the question "how's that working out for you then?"

you will be done when you are done

as time goes on, you get less tolerant of needless suffering

[caleb76]

It helps me to say that I forgive them, love them, but I can't let them hurt me anymore. It is a starting point.

[aasharon90]

It helps to talk about who or what resents you.

People places and things not being what
and who i want them to be is frustrating
to me. Why cant they be what i want or
whio i want them to be??????

Resentment flare up when im not in
control of them and i can keep hitting
a wall and nothing is gonna change
them or it.

ACCEPTANCE was alway stressed to
me in early recovery and today its
so ingrained in my mind that i auto-
matically let those things and people
go emmediately before a resentment
sets in.

I had to learn that i cant change people
places and things and to accept them
just as they r.

Talk about ur resentments. Ud be surprised
at how many of us have had the same or
similar resentments and learn how those
with quality sobriety avoid them to stay
sober one more day.

[trucker]

id talk about it all day long.....id still hate the b..t...h..

four things i need for resentments..

1..someone willing enough to pull me on my bs.

2. the book..

3...a piece of paper/pen

4...God.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by Ago

as time goes on, you get less tolerant of needless suffering

Too much of a good thing is bad - like drinking.

Too much of a bad thing is good - like suffering.

[barb dwyer]

soemtimes all I can do is Pray for the courage to change the things I can ...

and pray to be guided to the right thing to do.

which is not always what 'everybody says' is the thing to do.
I dont have to deal with things like Jesus would have -
I just have to deal with things.
It doesn't have to be a hallmark card....
it just has to 'be'.

good to see ya {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{dan!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[lizw]

Try reading the 12 steps and 12 traditions book. In either steps 4 or 5 it talks about how we (alcoholics) like to wallow in these 'messy bogs'. It's like we get some pervse form of pleasure out from it.

Excuse the language but sh*t is always warm, isn't it?

[tkdan]

Thanks all!!!

It's like we get some pervse form of pleasure out from it.

Yeah I heard an oldtimer that was getting his 39 yr chip share. The one thing he said that really stuck out was "alcoholics thrive on stress, and if we don't have any we will create it". I realized how true that is about me. Often when I honstly look at a situation I'm having difficulty with I see that much of it is a result of my actions or inactions. I can see that the time I choose to suffer has gotten shorter over time. I need to view that as progress. It is a slow progress but a progress al the same. Maybe if I weren't quite so hardheaded my progress would be quicker. But I'm too hardheaded to give up being hardheaded. Oh the mind of an alcoholic is a fascinating thing.

[CarolD]

Well.....
I'll take a pass on emotional pain/stress and chaos

:God Grant me......."