sponsorship - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Charmie · 09-19-2009, 03:16 AM

i got back to AA at the begining of the year (i went briefly 4 yrs ago,it wasnt to be).after going to lots of meetings and using the phone as was suggested to me i still picked up again after a month.i knew things had to change,i was powerless over alcohol and using the phone and going to meetings was not going to keep me sober.i prayed that i may find a sponsor,at this point i was prayinf for anything and everything and probably getting it wrong half the time,but i was desperate.one day a lady from 50 miles away was visiting my regular thursday lunchtime meeting,they asked her to chair.i identified with her story all the way through,from violence,to rape,to drugs,unwanted pregnancy and she used the word chaos.thats my story i thought.she looked nice,she was confident and she was happy with a sparkle in her eyes.that was in march.i spoke to her and she gave me her number as there was a convention coming up that she and i were both attending in the april.i got home on the sunday and made my descision,i wanted her to be my sponsor.i called her on the monday and she said yes.that was in april.we got to work straight away.she passed on to me what she had been taught straight out of the Big Book.she didnt mince her words.in 7 and a half months my life has changed beyond recognition.i have a connection with God i never thought possible and my whole outlook on life has changed.i went to this usual thurs lunchtime meeting this week,i wasnt going to go,but i did.there was a lady there that has been going a few weeks.it struck me i hadnt given her much of my time.i spoke to her in the break.i had shared just before (its a free for all here,everyone shares ) she asked me if i practise what i preach ($*!"£,,figuretivly speaking of course ) and i said i spoke the truth,and yes i try to in all my affairs.she said but your so happy,i hate myself,did you? i said with a passion.she was confused,lost and bewildered.i gave her my number and she called me the next day.she said she had been thinking about me the night before as she had recognised me,and then it had come to her,,,,she works in ER and she recognised me for 4 yrs ago.this was when i was in and out of hospital every other day,overdoses,i had slashed my arms and legs to ribbons,i had shaved my hair off,i had a stint in the locked phsyc ward.my daughter had gone to live with my sister.she saw all this,she saw me at my absolute rock bottom.i was in the pits of hell at this time in my life.and then she saw me on thurs.she said i was a miracle! she couldnt believe the change,,she asked me how it had happened,i told her she could have it too if she wanted,i could help her if she would like? she said oh yes please.so there it is.my first chance at giving it away to keep it.i thank God from the bottom of my heart for this chance.

tricky164 · 09-19-2009, 03:57 AM

sponcership is fantastic, it works when all else fails, i was told to only ever give my experience and not my opinion or advice. for me this is about crossing a bridge to normal living, then going back across the bridge to bring someone else back. " this is an experience you must not miss, we know(not we think) you will not want to miss it, frequent contact with newcomers and with eachothers is the bright spots of our lives".p,89 big book.
i sponcer lots of men and i do it for the reasons laid out in doctor bobs nightmare. p175,b,book. because of sponcering others i live a life thats happy, joyous and free from the pain and misery of active addiction and alcoholism. i am so grateful for what my sponcees have given me. one of thier daughters whos only 10yrs old gave me a cd recently and said " thankyou for giving me my daddy back" i had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, thats the buzz ive been looking for for 30yrs, and it is still with me some 18 months later. peace and fellowship to you. god bless

Charmie · 09-19-2009, 04:28 AM

tricky,what a wonderful story,i too have a lump in my throat! i know what you mean about the buzz,even without sponsoring anyone yet,,i have that buzz every day,it is amazing to be free from the bondage of self,,,

tricky164 · 09-19-2009, 05:30 AM

a man who is 47 yrs sober told me when i told him that story "you have only scratched the sufface of what"s on offer here, theres so much more" wow !! i want what he"s got.

Charmie · 09-19-2009, 06:08 AM

yeh,i was telling and old timer yesterday the stuff that has been going on around me the last few days (you couldnt make it up) and he said you best day is yet to come!

ananda · 09-19-2009, 06:14 PM

one of my fav speakers...talks about a woman telling her "hon you talk like the best has already happened..the best is yet to come"

endzoner · 09-20-2009, 03:42 PM

aweee.. sista what a wonderful share there , dang it .. thats twice you got me to cry ...im in AWE , literly ! massively big hugs congrats and " who'da thunk aye ! "
your USA Sista .. Endzy

Sugah · 09-20-2009, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charmian

so there it is.my first chance at giving it away to keep it.i thank God from the bottom of my heart for this chance.

It's what makes de boat float....

Peace & Love,
Sugah

AlwaysGrowing · 09-20-2009, 07:56 PM

For me the gift of AA comes/came from action. While people handed me numbers it was up to ME to do the work.

What is that saying... Faith without works is dead...

soberat23 · 09-21-2009, 01:53 PM

I have almost 18 months of sobriety and i can say that i have felt the best in the last two months of my sobriety due to the fact that i started sharing and talking to newer people than me and picked up 3 sponcees.at first it was a little scary, cause of course my sick head told me that i didnt have anything t offer these guys, and that i might screw them up. then my sponsor pointed out the fact that 1, i have been sober for this long and have completly changed my life around, and 2, that i couldnt screw them up anymore than there were! lol. it has been such a great experience for me and i think that possibly i get more out of our sit dows than they do. i got sober at a treatment center and now almost 18 months later, i still go back there and now my 56 year old mom is in that same treatment center and doing very well. i have not only been able to help these young guys out, but with the gift of sobriety, i have been able to be an example of the program for my mom. she will be picking up a 60 dsy chip. the same night that i will be getting my 18 month chip in 2 weeks! amazing!!!!!

Charmie · 09-21-2009, 01:59 PM

thats a great story soberat23!

Boleo · 09-21-2009, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soberat23

I have almost 18 months of sobriety and i can say that i have felt the best in the last two months of my sobriety due to the fact that i started sharing and talking to newer people than me and picked up 3 sponcees...

"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill.
Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."

(page 89) All Big Book quotes from Alcoholics Anonymous 4th Edition.

Music · 09-22-2009, 06:07 AM

It blows my mind when I hear or read about peoples experiences like this one and then some AAs gripe and yell about getting a sponsor and how useless sponsors are. There's nothing quite like sharing things with another human being that I wouldn't/couldn't talk to anyone else about and having that person nod his head because he's done the same thing and felt the same way. Then, to be able to sit and listen to another man share himself with me because he's asked me to be his sponsor. What a privilege.

barb dwyer · 09-22-2009, 07:37 PM

char -

I'm so happy for you! thanks for the post - I needed to hear something positive.

Music · 09-23-2009, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

char -

I'm so happy for you! thanks for the post - I needed to hear something positive.

Me too Barb. Bashing sponsors, or the idea of getting a sponsor is starting to bore me. Some folks have the idea that they can pick and choose what they like and don't like about the AA program and how the program works. Then they wonder why their lives are still miserable and the obsession to drink keeps rearing it's ugly head. Go figure!!

Charmie · 09-24-2009, 09:11 AM

well,she came to the meeting today and we were going to spend some time together afterwards,i had a Big Book for her,daily reflections,12x12.after the meeting,we walked off together and she stopped and said "oh,is that the time?,i didnt realise! can we do this another time? " i said yeh,no problem.if you want to do the steps you know how to find me.i have rang her couple times since sunday,she drank on sunday night.she is beating herself up about it.she has asked me to meet her tommorow instead,so we will see.

keithj · 09-24-2009, 09:14 AM

Charmi,

"We will see" is a good phrase to keep in mind when sponsoring.

Music · 09-24-2009, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keithj

Charmi,
"We will see" is a good phrase to keep in mind when sponsoring.

I agree! Another thing to remember is that it's a rule of thumb around AA that men sponsor men and women sponsor women. Couple reasons for that is that 1)Sponsoring the opposite sex sometimes leads to the necessity of doing more fourth and fifth steps, and b)Men/Women tend to fall for the BS of the opposite sex and are incapable of being objective which renders he/she unable to call a spade a spade. So, be careful and don't be afraid to suggest that "she" may be better off asking a woman for help.

Charmie · 09-24-2009, 10:34 AM

music,thank you for your concern,but i am a woman,are you reading my name as CHAIRMAN???? read again.

Ago · 09-24-2009, 10:44 AM

He didn't think to check UNDER that Kilt you are wearing

(avatar)

I'm dying here

Well I have heard it said somewhere that alcoholics shouldn't give advice about anything, this illustrates beautifully how true that is

Char, I remember going on twelve step calls with my sponsor, talking to newcomers with him, sponsoring others etc. and finally I asked him what success rate he thought we had.

100% he replied

100%??? but so and so drank, this guy is in jail, that guy smoked some herbUH, how is it we are 100% successful?

"We are still sober" he replied

We learn so much from sponsoring, how to detach, how to give real unconditional love, how to share our experience, strength and hope rather then opinion or advice, how to give love that doesn't have strings, the list is endless and I learn from every sponsee whether they drink or not

Aint life beautiful?

Charmie · 09-24-2009, 10:50 AM

Amen to that ago! i just let her go,,she has to come when shes ready,we will see what happens tommorow.now i know just a couple of months ago i would not have let it go,either with her or mentally.i would have been trying to "fix" her.not today,today has been great. lifes grand

Music · 09-24-2009, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by charmian

music,thank you for your concern,but i am a woman,are you reading my name as CHAIRMAN???? read again.

Oooops!! My mistake. Sooorrrryyy!! In that case....carry on smartly. I did exactly that. Read your name as Chairman. I've been thinking about new glasses. Maybe it's time.

Charmie · 09-24-2009, 10:53 AM

i would say so music! lol,,,,,your not the first and wont be the last!,,,and by the way,i have been called many worse things in my time! lol,,,,

tricky164 · 09-25-2009, 04:45 AM

like what ?

Ago · 09-25-2009, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tricky164

like what ?

just never you mind

/makes a shooing motion like a southern mother with a porch full of kids

09-19-2009, 03:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 714	sponsorship i got back to AA at the begining of the year (i went briefly 4 yrs ago,it wasnt to be).after going to lots of meetings and using the phone as was suggested to me i still picked up again after a month.i knew things had to change,i was powerless over alcohol and using the phone and going to meetings was not going to keep me sober.i prayed that i may find a sponsor,at this point i was prayinf for anything and everything and probably getting it wrong half the time,but i was desperate.one day a lady from 50 miles away was visiting my regular thursday lunchtime meeting,they asked her to chair.i identified with her story all the way through,from violence,to rape,to drugs,unwanted pregnancy and she used the word chaos.thats my story i thought.she looked nice,she was confident and she was happy with a sparkle in her eyes.that was in march.i spoke to her and she gave me her number as there was a convention coming up that she and i were both attending in the april.i got home on the sunday and made my descision,i wanted her to be my sponsor.i called her on the monday and she said yes.that was in april.we got to work straight away.she passed on to me what she had been taught straight out of the Big Book.she didnt mince her words.in 7 and a half months my life has changed beyond recognition.i have a connection with God i never thought possible and my whole outlook on life has changed.i went to this usual thurs lunchtime meeting this week,i wasnt going to go,but i did.there was a lady there that has been going a few weeks.it struck me i hadnt given her much of my time.i spoke to her in the break.i had shared just before (its a free for all here,everyone shares ) she asked me if i practise what i preach ($*!"£,,figuretivly speaking of course ) and i said i spoke the truth,and yes i try to in all my affairs.she said but your so happy,i hate myself,did you? i said with a passion.she was confused,lost and bewildered.i gave her my number and she called me the next day.she said she had been thinking about me the night before as she had recognised me,and then it had come to her,,,,she works in ER and she recognised me for 4 yrs ago.this was when i was in and out of hospital every other day,overdoses,i had slashed my arms and legs to ribbons,i had shaved my hair off,i had a stint in the locked phsyc ward.my daughter had gone to live with my sister.she saw all this,she saw me at my absolute rock bottom.i was in the pits of hell at this time in my life.and then she saw me on thurs.she said i was a miracle! she couldnt believe the change,,she asked me how it had happened,i told her she could have it too if she wanted,i could help her if she would like? she said oh yes please.so there it is.my first chance at giving it away to keep it.i thank God from the bottom of my heart for this chance.

09-19-2009, 06:14 PM	#6 (permalink)
ananda Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 10,122	one of my fav speakers...talks about a woman telling her "hon you talk like the best has already happened..the best is yet to come" __________________

09-20-2009, 03:42 PM	#7 (permalink)
endzoner Being Me for the first time Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Wishek, North Dakota Posts: 619 Blog Entries: 12	aweee.. sista what a wonderful share there , dang it .. thats twice you got me to cry ...im in AWE , literly ! massively big hugs congrats and " who'da thunk aye ! " your USA Sista .. Endzy __________________ Dying is easy , Its living that scares me to death ( Annie Lennoox)

09-22-2009, 06:07 AM	#13 (permalink)
Music Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Zion, Illinois Posts: 1,867	It blows my mind when I hear or read about peoples experiences like this one and then some AAs gripe and yell about getting a sponsor and how useless sponsors are. There's nothing quite like sharing things with another human being that I wouldn't/couldn't talk to anyone else about and having that person nod his head because he's done the same thing and felt the same way. Then, to be able to sit and listen to another man share himself with me because he's asked me to be his sponsor. What a privilege. __________________

09-22-2009, 07:37 PM	#14 (permalink)
barb dwyer same planet...different world Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: butte mt Posts: 7,959 Blog Entries: 3	char - I'm so happy for you! thanks for the post - I needed to hear something positive. __________________ Menopause ~ puberty with experience.

09-19-2009, 03:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
tricky164 Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: london, england Posts: 194	sponcership is fantastic, it works when all else fails, i was told to only ever give my experience and not my opinion or advice. for me this is about crossing a bridge to normal living, then going back across the bridge to bring someone else back. " this is an experience you must not miss, we know(not we think) you will not want to miss it, frequent contact with newcomers and with eachothers is the bright spots of our lives".p,89 big book. i sponcer lots of men and i do it for the reasons laid out in doctor bobs nightmare. p175,b,book. because of sponcering others i live a life thats happy, joyous and free from the pain and misery of active addiction and alcoholism. i am so grateful for what my sponcees have given me. one of thier daughters whos only 10yrs old gave me a cd recently and said " thankyou for giving me my daddy back" i had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, thats the buzz ive been looking for for 30yrs, and it is still with me some 18 months later. peace and fellowship to you. god bless

09-19-2009, 04:28 AM	#3 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 714	tricky,what a wonderful story,i too have a lump in my throat! i know what you mean about the buzz,even without sponsoring anyone yet,,i have that buzz every day,it is amazing to be free from the bondage of self,,,

09-19-2009, 05:30 AM	#4 (permalink)
tricky164 Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: london, england Posts: 194	a man who is 47 yrs sober told me when i told him that story "you have only scratched the sufface of what"s on offer here, theres so much more" wow !! i want what he"s got.

09-19-2009, 06:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 714	yeh,i was telling and old timer yesterday the stuff that has been going on around me the last few days (you couldnt make it up) and he said you best day is yet to come!

09-20-2009, 07:56 PM	#9 (permalink)
AlwaysGrowing Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Alabama Posts: 56	For me the gift of AA comes/came from action. While people handed me numbers it was up to ME to do the work. What is that saying... Faith without works is dead...

09-21-2009, 01:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
soberat23 Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: anaheim ca Posts: 78	I have almost 18 months of sobriety and i can say that i have felt the best in the last two months of my sobriety due to the fact that i started sharing and talking to newer people than me and picked up 3 sponcees.at first it was a little scary, cause of course my sick head told me that i didnt have anything t offer these guys, and that i might screw them up. then my sponsor pointed out the fact that 1, i have been sober for this long and have completly changed my life around, and 2, that i couldnt screw them up anymore than there were! lol. it has been such a great experience for me and i think that possibly i get more out of our sit dows than they do. i got sober at a treatment center and now almost 18 months later, i still go back there and now my 56 year old mom is in that same treatment center and doing very well. i have not only been able to help these young guys out, but with the gift of sobriety, i have been able to be an example of the program for my mom. she will be picking up a 60 dsy chip. the same night that i will be getting my 18 month chip in 2 weeks! amazing!!!!!

09-21-2009, 01:59 PM	#11 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 714	thats a great story soberat23!

09-24-2009, 09:11 AM	#16 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 714	well,she came to the meeting today and we were going to spend some time together afterwards,i had a Big Book for her,daily reflections,12x12.after the meeting,we walked off together and she stopped and said "oh,is that the time?,i didnt realise! can we do this another time? " i said yeh,no problem.if you want to do the steps you know how to find me.i have rang her couple times since sunday,she drank on sunday night.she is beating herself up about it.she has asked me to meet her tommorow instead,so we will see.

09-24-2009, 09:14 AM	#17 (permalink)
keithj Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 973	Charmi, "We will see" is a good phrase to keep in mind when sponsoring.

09-24-2009, 10:34 AM	#19 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 714	music,thank you for your concern,but i am a woman,are you reading my name as CHAIRMAN???? read again.

09-24-2009, 10:44 AM	#20 (permalink)
Ago Rawr!!!!!! Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Marin County Posts: 2,025	He didn't think to check UNDER that Kilt you are wearing (avatar) I'm dying here Well I have heard it said somewhere that alcoholics shouldn't give advice about anything, this illustrates beautifully how true that is Char, I remember going on twelve step calls with my sponsor, talking to newcomers with him, sponsoring others etc. and finally I asked him what success rate he thought we had. 100% he replied 100%??? but so and so drank, this guy is in jail, that guy smoked some herbUH, how is it we are 100% successful? "We are still sober" he replied We learn so much from sponsoring, how to detach, how to give real unconditional love, how to share our experience, strength and hope rather then opinion or advice, how to give love that doesn't have strings, the list is endless and I learn from every sponsee whether they drink or not Aint life beautiful? __________________ If you go back to drinking and you haven’t written a Fourth Step inventory, don’t say that you tried A.A. and it failed, because you never tried A.A.

09-24-2009, 10:50 AM	#21 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 714	Amen to that ago! i just let her go,,she has to come when shes ready,we will see what happens tommorow.now i know just a couple of months ago i would not have let it go,either with her or mentally.i would have been trying to "fix" her.not today,today has been great. lifes grand

09-24-2009, 10:53 AM	#23 (permalink)
Charmie Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 714	i would say so music! lol,,,,,your not the first and wont be the last!,,,and by the way,i have been called many worse things in my time! lol,,,,

09-25-2009, 04:45 AM	#24 (permalink)
tricky164 Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: london, england Posts: 194	like what ? __________________ "ENLIGHTENMENT IS JUST A RECOGNITION NOT A CHANGE AT ALL"

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