Sharing your story/lead

[McGowdog]

I was asked to speak tonight and I did not want to go. I called and tried to get out of it. Left messages. Finally, decided to go because I was asked. I'd shared my story 4 times now in the last few months. Besides that, I was just burned out, tired, sick most of the week, and just feel "off."



So I get there and I know a bunch of people there. It's a really strong group with some really good friends of mine and some people from Denver.



I start out and am doing well... then I go blank! Just totally blank and I don't want to continue. I think of telling my story to some of these people for the 3rd or 4th time and just don't want to do my drunkalog again. I'm nervous and feel bad for them. No one's getting up to leave, either. I literally wanted to get up, walk out and say "See ya." In my mind, I did. I gave up. Then I looked at them, said "I'm gonna just talk about a few of my last drunks because they demonstrate my inability to control the amount once I start and my inability to stay away from the first drink after I've been stopped for a bit.



Low and behold, I got out of my head, and delivered one of the most heart-felt gut-wrenching stories I ever gave. I did not take any credit for being a good speaker tonight. I was burned out. It was brutal and I felt what I was saying... the truth of the way I drank.



I damn near teared up and wept like a baby when I described how I felt when I came in after my last drunk over 5 years and 8 months ago. Two people from that group were there tonight.



I was told to really look at what it was that got me to leave a group after having sobriety in A.A... and go out and drink again. Was it because A.A. failed me... yet again? Hell no! There was something in me that sent me out. Something more subtle that I have been able to put my finger on. And no, it ain't just because I take a travelling job and got away from the "program" or the meetings. I got a resentment here, tried to shelter myself from booze over there...



Bottom line is, I had a 1st Step experience tonight. And I was told that a guy like me... a guy who fails A.A. and gets back in and gets another chance and gets sobriety is very rare. I might be helpful to some of these slippers indeed...if I can just convey this story and understand what happened in a way that they might be thoroughly convinced that it isn't always A.A. that fails. Sometimes, it's just me.



People said they enjoyed my share. I had dinner with them. I told them I felt sorry they had to sit through it. They saw past my struggle in the beginning. But I don't want to speak again until I'm done doing this set of steps. I'm in 4 now.



I got pulled over coming home tonight doing 65 in a 55. The trooper asked me where I was coming from. I said the Pantry. "Just got back from speaking at an A.A. meeting." I showed him my book. He said, "So, I guess I don't have to ask you what you were drinking tonight?" I grabbed my coffee mug and gave it a swig and him a smile. He gave me a warning.

[Charmie]

I failed AA 4 years ago.i had to go on practising.i got back at the begining of the year with the Gift Of Desperation and my how things are different.this is my chance and i intend to take it.thank you for your heartfelt post.

[trucker]

nice post.

sometimes when i talked at meetings......its almost like i reach in and touch that raw emotion..what it really felt like to be frighten and lost.

what it felt like to be cornered..after endless attempts to drink "like a man"
what it felt like to walk into aa one more time..stripped of ego..and bs.

the emotion involved in truly realizing that god could do for me what i couldnt do for myself....not saying it....feeling it...can at times make me weep.

im off to my fathers 70th birthday party tonight....should be a scream.

dad will get drunk.......mum will get cross........then he will turn to me and say.."you still not drinking lad"...
"i just dont get it...you were such a strong willed lad."............lol

have a good day dog.........shaun.

[tommyk]

The best leads, in my opinion, are 100% unplanned.

Allowing the higher power to use me as a messenger, knowing fear & anxiety about leading is 100% my own ego, and also - knowing that I do NOT need to fill any particular time requirement.

Keep coming back here, and keep sharing with others... carry the message!

[Bob23]

Originally Posted by McGowdog

Bottom line is, I had a 1st Step experience tonight.

No doubt others listening to you did too.
That's How It Works.

[Music]

Originally Posted by charmian

I failed AA 4 years ago.i had to go on practising.i got back at the begining of the year with the Gift Of Desperation and my how things are different.this is my chance and i intend to take it.thank you for your heartfelt post.

Chairman....you may have failed at AA or working the program but you hardly "failed AA."

McDog....See how God works? He did for you what you couldn't do for yourself. It's amazing what can happen when we run out of our own ideas, either by choice or are forced into it and Let God and Let God. You'll no doubt remember this one, probably more so than if you'd been in control.

[bballdad]

I went to a group to speak one night,and got pulled over speeding coming back.75 in a 60..the cop was a former cop from a small local town near where I live.He finally come back to the car and asked me what I thought the local home town cops would have done,i said,write me a ticket,no questions asked.he asked me where i had been,i said i had to go to an AA meeting and to talk.He handed me my license back and said "i ain`t like those guys and told me to slow it down...whew!

before i talk i always say the prayer Ed M. used to say
God,please use me to give the AA message you want me to give and keep me out of the way...it works for me

i`m going thur the steps again too,on 4 also

[Believe808]

I just told my story last night, thinking it was not that important to all those sitting there with many years of sobriey. I asked God to put the words in my mouth so that maybe I can help 1 person there. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the AA program and my sobriety today. I found myself sharing not too much about my drunk/drug alog, but on after having 15 years in program what happened when I went back out and the horrors of where I went then. How fortunate and blessed I am to be alive today when 1 year ago I tried to take my life and almost suceeded. Today I work the Steps with my sponsor (which I didn't do in those 15 years) I try to Live the Steps each day, I do whatever is suggested to me by those who have come before me and stayed. I will be celebrating 1 year in a week, God willing, and I wouldn't trade this 1 year for all those 15 years. That is the message I share when telling my story today.

[McGowdog]

Originally Posted by bballdad

I went to a group to speak one night,and got pulled over speeding coming back.75 in a 60..

He handed me my license back and said "i ain`t like those guys and told me to slow it down...whew!

God,please use me to give the AA message you want me to give and keep me out of the way...it works for me

i`m going thur the steps again too,on 4 also

Spooky.

You know, I did that. I prayed and meditated on the thing briefly before I left. I asked God to enable me to reveal the Truth that I was supposed to and to let those hear what they are supposed to hear. I went there and did my best to keep myself off of me and to not "rehearse" what I was gonna say... as best I could.

I could not ever be a circuit speaker. I don't see how they do it. I am just so burned out on speaker meetings now... my tank is full and I just want to chill for a bit. I'm glad I did it in the end. But now, it's somebody else's turn. Tag-team. I'm physically sick today. Sinus conjestion gave way to sore throat and runny nose, constipated, backpain from earlier in the week is starting to let up. I've been home alone all week as the wife was away at a conference. I just don't take good care of myself. I don't eat right... stay up too late everynight. Waa. I need to revisit "On Awakening". Good day kiddies.

[freya]

Beautiful story, dog -- thanks for sharing!

freya

[Sugah]

dog, you know, sometimes, I find you abrasive-- and immediately remember why we are such a colorful garden. It takes all kinds of us to reach the newcomers ears and hearts. I think I do okay in the tolerance department when it comes to a message with a different tonal quality than my own. In other words and from my perspective, we're cool.

Then you go and post something like the above. First step experience? Dear man, that's a spiritual experience, a little direct juice from the Great Spirit to the heart of the blessed. I wallow around in my own spiritual experiences, such that they are. Want to get it rubbed all over every inch of me. I hear you relate yours, and I realize -- we are all children of the same Universe. Enjoy it, cherish it, and make sure it reaches the newcomers' ears.

Peace & Love,
Sugah