How much to chase sponsor?

[odaat]

Just looking for a bit of objective advice, as I might not be willing to 'chase' for bad reasons, I can't tell!

I've been estranged from my sponsor for six months. We didn't part on that bad terms, I was just in a bad place emotionally, and then being ill in pregnancy and having a new baby, it was just something I kept putting off.

I've been trying to get back in touch. I've rang a few times on the weekend, and had no answer, and answerphone message has been turned off. I've phoned twice in the evening when I thought she'd be back from work, but she hasn't been and I asked for a message to be passed on.

I haven't recieved any contact from her, I'm wondering if I should just get the hint and not keep trying?

I have her mobile number and could text, but she once said 'she doesn't do sponsorship via text'.

Any advice? I really don't want to phone and have her 'reject me', so I don't want to push it.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by odaat

J
I've been trying to get back in touch. I've rang a few times on the weekend, and had no answer, and answerphone message has been turned off. I've phoned twice in the evening when I thought she'd be back from work, but she hasn't been and I asked for a message to be passed on.

Would you even want a sponsor that does not answer the phone? I suggest you look for someone more reliable.

[odaat]

Originally Posted by Boleo

Would you even want a sponsor that does not answer the phone? I suggest you look for someone more reliable.

I do think that when I get back to meetings that I should find a sponsor who I am more comfortable with, but I want to talk it over with her first, to make sure my motives are right. I've been away from meetings for quite a while and really want to talk to someone before I go back.

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by Boleo

Would you even want a sponsor that does not answer the phone? I suggest you look for someone more reliable.

That's kind of presumptuous, don't you think? Yesterday was a prime example of my mom not even being able to get ahold of me till almost 10 at night.

I worked in the morning, was over to watch the kids in the afternoon that my daughter babysits so she could go take care of some business, and then in and out till 7 pm, and then to AA when our birthday night meeting started.

I don't think it's fair to assume the woman is deliberately choosing not to answer the phone.

I don't know about anyone else, but I really have to watch that ego and think everything is about me.

"Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our problems."
Alcoholics Anonymous 1st Edition

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

That's kind of presumptuous, don't you think?

[/I]

I counted "few times on the weekend" + "twice in the evening" + "I asked for a message to be passed on".

Thats pretty good evidence of a poor response. A sponsor that is that hard to get a hold of is not very reliable IMO.

[bballdad]

I would ask where God is in this situation?How about praying for guidance and see what happens?

[odaat]

She called me back, and didn't sound pleased to hear from me. She is no longer active in AA so can no longer be my sponsor. Feel a little hurt and rejected, and don't want to go to a meeting, not sure why.

[tomvlll]

Originally Posted by odaat

J

I haven't recieved any contact from her, I'm wondering if I should just get the hint and not keep trying?



.

See! The promises of AA DO come true.

"You will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us..."

You figured it out .


And you worked in a little 5th Step lesson as well. That's the idea behind 5th step. Sometimes another person can see things so much clearly and obviously. And it's completely obvious to me you figured out the correct approach here.

[McGowdog]

Agreed. After I take that 3rd Step, my sobriety is MY responsibility. If I'm not pushed to get my 4th Step inventory and 9th Step amends all done, I'm being short-changed. But who's at fault? The group or the sponsor? Or me.

If I take a 5th Step and feel like it's flat, it's my responsibility to recognize it and take it again with someone else.

There's Power here. If you're not gettin' it you're missing it. Go out and get it. If you're hungry, get in the center of this deal.

I've heard of people who found out their sponsor was drinking so they drink. I've also heard of people who's sponsor drank so they dragged them out of the bar and got them back to a meeting. I've never had a sponsor drink on me; but if they did, I'd leave them be. Oh that's right. I don't believe in sponsors. I believe in a strong group.

[Charmie]

odaat,i noticed in your last post that you said she is not active in AA anymore and the you are a little hurt and rejected,,,turn this around,i think we should all be a little concerned about where this lady is at to be honest.if she is no longer active in AA then i take this to mean in all aspects,including steps and sponsorship.this lady may be real sick.if you need a meeting and need a sponsor then go get one.what is going on in this ladies life is of no concern to you and your sobriety.except that you should maybe be praying for her!,sorry if this sounds a bit tough but your sober and know what you need to do.this other lady sounds a little lost to me.

[concolor1]

The old adage is "Stick with winners," and I recall it was Clancy I. who noted that "Last year's winners aren't necessarily this year's winners."

It's painful, I know, and I had pretty awful experiences with sponsors early on; even now the guy who's still technically my sponsor lives in another state, and we don't talk a lot, but I'm still reasonably connected with other AA folks (and I had a ten year relationship with a particularly talented therapist who'd also been my sponsor's therapist). I just looked where my Rolodex was opened to, and it's the number of a guy I really respect (with a couple of Master's degrees), and I wouldn't hesitate to call him if things got a little unsettled...

I found it best to "spread myself around," and sometimes those with the best insights weren't necessarily the most charismatic and visible . . . You're looking to connect with people and grow, and relationships that offer that quality are probably what you're seeking. It's okay to be dependent on your sponsor early on, but you'll also want to try your wings at some point, and the relationship should permit that . . .

I remember one guy I sponsored, a true "gem," who "moved on" from me after a couple of years . . . I might've got bent, because he hooked up with a real old timer, but I kept my cool. Turns out the old-timer had called him because my guy was a cancer survivor, and the old boy had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer and needed somebody to relate to . . .

So far I haven't been "blessed" with acquiring much expertise on the subject of cancer (beyond quitting smoking, fortunately, something I heartily recommend), and that situation doesn't trouble me in the least . . .

[suki44883]

Sounds to me like you should seek out a new sponsor. Obviously, this woman doesn't do that anymore. You can do better.

[Firehazard]

Yes, New Sponsor but this old one might need your help. Sounds like he/she is

not in a good spot.

[Music]

Originally Posted by odaat

I haven't recieved any contact from her, I'm wondering if I should just get the hint and not keep trying?

I have her mobile number and could text, but she once said 'she doesn't do sponsorship via text'.

Any advice? I really don't want to phone and have her 'reject me', so I don't want to push it.

I had this same experience with about a month sober. My sponsor had some problems and couldn't/wouldn't give me the attention I needed at that crucial juncture. Every time I called, he said he'd get back to me; he never did. I finally decided that if he could sponsor, he would. He needed space to fix things. So, I gave it to him and got someone else.

The difference here is that you're coming here instead of getting in touch with her. It's not honest and not fair to her. At least make contact and see what happens from there. Coming here does nothing but confuse the issue. You're going to get more and more opinions, based on your side of the story. We haven't heard from her yet. At least take a risk and call/text. Maybe you will be "rejected" as you say, which is simply silly because there'll be someone else to take up the baton, if you're still interested in having a sponsor. I've had a sponsor from day one, and still have a sponsor. We're more like brothers but I know he's there. Sponsors are like meetings. Sometimes you just have to keep looking until you find one that works for you.