Sponsee Frequency of Calls to Sponsor

[Dime]

I would appreciate knowing how often those that are actively Sponsoring have their Sponsees call in once they have completed the steps.

It varies greatly in my local area from everyday forever to on a need basis only.

I actively Sponsor and would appreciate knowing what makes sense and seems to work for you as a Sponsor.

Thanks

[24hrsAday]

i only sponsor 1 guy.. we play it by ear.. he calls if he wants to..

[laurie6781]

I don't "have" my sponsees do anything. However, usually by the time they are through the steps, they are so used to calling me that they continue to.

One of my earliest sponsees, now lives in Norway, has 25 years and still calls me at least once a month, and more often if she feels herself getting off path.

The only real reason I ask that they call me daily in the beginning is 1) to see how much 'willingness' there is at that time, and 2) to hopefully get them into the habit, so that when the road gets rough they can get over the fear of asking for help, it has become a 'habit' to call sponsor daily.

That's what works for me and those I sponsor.

Love and hugs,

[Tommyh]

most of the guys I have sponsored thru the steps call me once a week or so because it`s up to them..except one guy who calls me Monday - Friday mornings at 8 am cause he wants too
I usually see them at meetings once or twice a week...like Laurie,I don`t have them do anything,but if I or my home group needs help I will call and ask ....and they usually say yes...

[joedris]

I don't require that they call me daily while we're working the steps, but most do anyway. And after step 12 they're on their own. I encourage them to call whenever they want to, and they do. But I also see them at meetings every week, so the relationship never really ends. And it's kind of neat watching them talking to their sponsees....

[CarolD]

Once their formal Step work has been completed
I consider we have moved into an AA friendship
rather than the roles of sponsor/sponsee.

How often calls are made are then on a different plane.

Too many variables to give you a definite answer.

[Dime]

Thanks for the responses everyone they have been most helpful. I was expected to call daily past the first year and found myself very frustrated. You have made me much more comfortable trusting my experience rather than doing it like my Sponsor did it.

Have a great weekend folks!

[jimhere]

Early on, as part of developing structure and discipline, every day.

Later, with the exception of questions about amends, I don't expect them to call at all as I don't want them to be dependent on me. Our real dependence is is on God and besides that I don't have time to have a bunch of people calling me all the time.

[Music]

Originally Posted by Dime

I would appreciate knowing how often those that are actively Sponsoring have their Sponsees call in once they have completed the steps.

It varies greatly in my local area from everyday forever to on a need basis only.

I actively Sponsor and would appreciate knowing what makes sense and seems to work for you as a Sponsor.

Thanks

Seeing as nobody sponsors the same way, I'm wondering what makes sense to you as a sponsor. What is your answer to this question? You know your pigeon better than anyone else, you set the ground rules. Just pray first.

[DaveBB164]

I generally only call my sponsor if there is something going on with me I can't see for myself in inventory, the guys I sponsor do the same with me, its important we stand on our own two feet and like Jim says are not dependent on others but on God.

[nelco]

I, like others, suggest they check in every day at the very early stages, even just a text........(I am always amazed at how hard this is for alcoholics). After that, and like carol said when the formal Step work has been completed .....it usually relaxes into friendship for me too, where we both benefit

[Music]

Originally Posted by nelco

I, like others, suggest they check in every day at the very early stages, even just a text

Texting is much like coming here to SR. We can't see each other, it's not personal contact, nor can we hear each other. As the old saying goes, "the eyes are the windows to the mind." Listening to a voice can also reveal a lot and body language speaks volumes. There's nothing that takes the place of F2F meetings for coffee, or just sitting together, listening and watching. Coming here to SR and texting might be convenient time-savers but the question still looms. How much is sobriety worth? Is it a convenience? How rigorously honest am I willing to be? As has been mentioned, in the early stages of sobriety, a daily phone call is necessary....I think! I have pigeons with 20+ years who call me monthly but if I sence something's wrong, I call them to "check in."

[nelco]

As has been mentioned, in the early stages of sobriety, a daily phone call is necessary....I think!

I am glad you added ...I think Music. I don't find it necessary myself. I meet my sponsees each week , they also ring once or twice weekly or many times in one day depending whats going on for them.They also attend my home group so it all works out fine. Texting is perfect with me along with meetings, coffee etc. Although I understand why you would see just texting as a problem.......I would too.

[lizw]

Personally, I haven't told someone who I sponsor to ring me every day for 5/6years now. It never worked for me either as the sponsor or the sponsee, both created resentment. Instead what I have enjoyed is developing close relationships with people which is a natural part of working the steps so the phoning every day becomes a result of that, rather than the other way round.

I know of one woman here (in NZ) who sponsors half of our countries OA/AA double winners (ok I may be exadurating but it is quite a few) and she has them all call her before 8am each morning. I've always wondered how she manages to live in her own life in amongst all those morning calls.....

In my expereince it can be quite easy to swap alcohol dependency for co dependency.

[Dime]

Originally Posted by Music

Seeing as nobody sponsors the same way, I'm wondering what makes sense to you as a sponsor. What is your answer to this question? You know your pigeon better than anyone else, you set the ground rules. Just pray first.

Wow thanks everyone for sharing what has worked for you. I find it very helpful and it has made me more comfortable with the transition from calling very frequently.

I work with a lot of people straight out of a detox hospital. They tend to go out at the drop of a hat. I try to get them focused on sobriety very quickly. I suggest that they call daily early on. I ask them to leave a voice message if I am not available and to not text. By doing so I have more opportunity to talk to them directly and understand what is really going on with them and be more helpful. Some call drunk and try to hide it. Talking to them directly makes it easy to notice. I have had guys want to text me that were actively drinking so they could get drunk earlier. This has been my experience with this group of Sponsees.

A Sponsee just recently complete the steps and I wanted to get more comfortable with the transition from this point. My first Sponsor had me calling daily past one year even though I had completed the steps in the first few months. I wound up becoming angry and frustrated to the point where I just stopped calling him permanently.

After reading your posts I would like to transition to the mutual friend mode and calls on an as needed basis.

Thanks Everyone!!

[Music]

Although some may take offence to this I'm going to print it anyway. I'm making this statement about me personally but I believe it applies eually to alcoholics in general. I was so used to running my own life, making my own rules and decisions when I came to AA, I needed someone else to set some ground rules. Not to be nasty or controling, but to teach me to follow directions. After all, isn't that what working the steps is all about? There are specific directions in the Big Book, pertaining to the working of the 12 steps. Questioning those instructions seems to be the basic problem people have, causing them to waste time and energy trying to figure out who, what, when, where, why and how. My first sponsor had me call every day to share my agenda with him. He was in no way a controller. I had to learn to follow directions from him before I could continue working beyond step one. Newcomers seem to resent a person telling them what to do and that attitude has to change before any progress can be made. I had to recognize the fact that my best ideas pertaining to how to get things done, got me in the perdicament I was in. AA also stands for "Altered Attitude."

[keithj]

I think there is a real spiritual benefit to that structure and discipline in very early sobriety. Doing something that you don't want to do, or even think is stupid, but being willing to do it anyway is kind of required for surrender. Those daily phone calls make a lot of sense.

After taking all the steps, it all depends. After taking all the steps, guys I work with are pretty much on their own. I see them a couple times a week at meetings, talk on the phone as we see fit, and get together for work when needed. The calls aren't obligatory at that point. We call because we want to call.

[laurie6781]

Music I have to AGREE WITH YOU 200%.

When I got here I was SELF WILL RUN RIOT, and my way didn't work. My sponsor was not controlling. She 'asked' that I call her every day, then sat back and waited to see if I would. Oh, I questioned it, in my mind, 'who did she think she was?' 'why did I have to call EVERY day?' and on and on and on, but ..................................... I called, I was motivated by FEAR. I had been beaten so far down, and I KNEW this was my last resort.

AA also stands for "Altered Attitude."

Also stands for ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, and I needed a big one. I thank HP to this day for putting Bev and Hugh in my life. Yes, they were husband and wife and they 'team tagged' me. And, Hugh, told me several years later that he did not believe I would make it, and he was never so happy to be wrong as he was about me.

Love and hugs,

[sugErspun]

I was never instructed to call every day, nor would I request someone do so (I guess I just follow the path I was led down). I will say this: if the request was made to me, I was more than willing to do so.

It is made clear that the line is always open and to feel free to call anytime - night or day, and to have basic courtesy to call if one or the other is running late or needs to reschedule a meeting time (1 on 1 meeting). Willingness to follow through, to keep our word tends to be very apparent through our actions...be it calling every day, completing assignments on time, asking for help rather than sitting in confusion...you can get a pretty good sense of how engaged someone is.

Like a drowning man...

[Pinkcuda]

The question specfied "After the Steps". I'm one of those that believes that the leash should be cut somewhere after step five. I think the book backs that up too.

[McGowdog]

I hear ya Pink! I hear ya. After a while, there comes a time when I'm responsible for me. I'm responsible to do these steps and "let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined."

They outlined it for us; it's my book; those are my steps I can take.

Cut the leash, I like that. I'm a Dawg without a leash!

[geothinkah]

Great thread! Lot's of great experience. Great, great, great... I meet with my guys once a week, see them at meeting, and leave the door always open to phone calls. If I don't hear or see them around, I give them a call just to do a 'survival check'.