Lack of strict direction

[crisco]

Hello,

I am a person with seven months clean, and I feel something is wrong. I am on step seven, call my sponsor every single day, and go to three meetings a week.

I feel that my programs lacks somebody providing strict direction. The sponsor makes all of the decision instead of me. My sponsor and I spend a lot of talking about feelings, emotions, and daily life issue. He provides a lot of advice but does not provide strict direction. He allows me to Burning Man events where there is a lot of alcohol being served. I have been to three camping events and did not have any temptation to drink.

The community has been very supportive in my recovery. They have provided a strong community of friends to help me cope with my social isolation. I did not have to remake my social network again. I do not go to events where alcohol is around when I am in bad mood. I had a woman that I call a lot so I can talk about my emotions and talk spiritual things. She does not drink and is part of the community.

A lot of sponsors who have barred me from spending time with those people. Yet, that community is huge part in making the first six months of soberity to very easy. It is funny that a community where people will drink a copious amount of alcohol at certain events will provide the support and provide the friendship that I need to cope with life. And yes, I do have two commiments and go to the same meetings week and after week.

For most alcoholics, this environment would be difficult to deal with. Yet, I feel serenity and no reason to drink ever again by spending time with those people. And my sponsor let me do what i ever please and I tell him that I am going to these event.

Is there something wrong with my program? Do I need get another sponsor who provides strict direction? I feel that I am doing the program right, but I could be wrong and I do need to take very strict direction

[Pinkcuda]

I don't see anything wrong with anything that's going on in your sobriety. You and your sponsor get a thumbs up from me if that helps.

[Cathy31]

how are you feeling?

Are you (happily) sober
Are you a better person now - i.e. are you happier with yourself, are you doing stuff for others/thinking more of others/doing service, etc
Do you have a connection with a HP?

If yes I say thank God (or your HP!) and keep doing what you doing. The sponsor is only one part of the of the 5 pillars - meetings/sponsor/stepwor/service/higher power.

Well done-each day sober is a miracle
Cathy31
x

[AW2486]

Originally Posted by crisco

Do I need get another sponsor who provides strict direction?

No. Your sponsor is giving your the dignity of having your own experience.

If any of my sponsees wanted me to make all their decisions, I don't think I could be their sponsor anymore.

[navysteve]

Ass kicking do it my way sponsors usually have control issues anyway. Your sponsor sounds like they are letting you be responsible for your sobriety.

[keithj]

Crisco,

That sponsor relationship is pretty wide open. I've seen all kinds of different styles and methods work for people. If you are on step 7, you may have some kind of meditation practice that may provide direction.

Originally Posted by crisco

I feel that my programs lacks somebody providing strict direction. The sponsor makes all of the decision instead of me. My sponsor and I spend a lot of talking about feelings, emotions, and daily life issue. He provides a lot of advice but does not provide strict direction.

I'm not sure I understand. You say your sponsor makes all the decisions instead of you, but you think it lacks strict direction? It seems like a contradiction.

I can just tell you how it works with guys I sponsor and with my own sponsor. I view my job as a sponsor as limited to walking shoulder to shoulder with a new guy through the 12 steps. That's it. We may become friends. We may talk about feelings. We may not. But the one thing we are going to do is know exactly what step we are on. And we are going to have some clear, definite directions for taking that step.

In my mind, a sponsor is not somebody you call before taking a drink, somebody you discuss life problems with, somebody who controls what you do and how you do it, or somebody that gives advice. A sponsor shows another alcoholic in the Big Book precisely what they did to recover.

Some of the other stuff may go on from time to time. I can make use of the experience of another alcoholic who has walked the same ground as me. But really, all a sponsor can (or should) do is to walk another through the steps.

[barb dwyer]

sounds to me like it may be time to get involved in some service work.

I don't necessarily mean setting up/taking down meetings.

I mean, volunteer someplace.
Dish out some soup.
Teach someone to read.
Read to someone in the hospital.

[tommyk]

If it works for you, then work it.

I owned a bar after I quit drinking. Smelling that place in the mornings fortified my decision to not drink. Watching people practically ruin their lives day after day night after night fortified my decision to not drink.

I don't recommend that for anyone else.

If you aren't having any problems as a result of your social activities then continue. Be aware and recognize the first signs of potential problems though.

[tomvlll]

The BB is pretty clear on the subject of avoiding alcohol. It's on pp 84-85.

we have ceased fighting anyone or anything-even alcohol.We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted we will recoil from it as from a hot flame.



Much like Keith ,I see the role of the sponsor as taking the sponsee through the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous so the sponsee can recover from alcoholism. My personal version of "singleness of purpose".

I see alot of sponsors who want to be the life coach and/or the therapist. If that works for you-stick with it.

[Rob B]

I'd find a sponsor who told you we get sober in AA not clean. That's just me though, I tend to be particularly rigid when it comes to language usage.

[AW2486]

Originally Posted by tommyk

I owned a bar after I quit drinking.

Tommy,

Currently helping somebody that owns a bar. He drinks a lot of O'dules all day while he tends bar. I know I could not do it.

Do you still own and work at it? or did you get out ?

[barb dwyer]

uh...heh.

I bet y'all think my comment is kinda stupid... *I* did when I went back and read it -
I left out the important part-

-
for ME -
being around that kind of environment is a slippery slope.
period.
I don't care if it's with the Pope, and a flock of Cardinals...
being around alcohol in that respect -
is a dangerous place for me.

the point of the volunteering thing is
Volunteering gave me a new set of friends
and enabled me to give back soemthing to the very community
who my drinking had harmed.
I was a bartender, you see.

And yes,there were many wonderful people who I regularly drank with.
Who are still out there and not destroying their lives.
But I have a drinking problem
I am not 'one of' them.
I am not one who can.

IMO, in early sobriety, it's a slippery slope.

*I* would not be able to manage it.

[tommyk]

Originally Posted by AW2486

Tommy,

Currently helping somebody that owns a bar. He drinks a lot of O'dules all day while he tends bar. I know I could not do it.

Do you still own and work at it? or did you get out ?

I got out, purely a financial decision.

But I couldn't stand the stench, watching people ruin their lives, and basicaly all of the other drama/bullshit that goes on in bars.

Definitely NOT recommended though. I was clean/sober for ten years before attending NA/AA. I did some crazy stuff to fortify my sobriety decision, lol.

[tommyk]

Originally Posted by AW2486

Tommy,

Currently helping somebody that owns a bar. He drinks a lot of O'dules all day while he tends bar. I know I could not do it.

Do you still own and work at it? or did you get out ?

I got out, purely a financial decision.

But I couldn't stand the stench, watching people ruin their lives, and basicaly all of the other insane drama/bullshit that goes on in bars.

Definitely NOT recommended. I was clean/sober for ten years before attending NA/AA. I did some crazy stuff to fortify my sobriety decision, lol. I viewed the bar scene as where I could wind up if I drank again.