Are alcoholics wired differently than normal people?

[gravity]

A message I’ve been getting from some AA members with long term sobriety is that alcoholics are wired differently than normal people and life is always going to be filled with challenges.

I am taking this to mean that I am always going to have a tendency to over-react (anger, fear, worry, frustration - character defects) to life’s challenges. This tendency will never go away but AA/spiritual principles will help me deal with things in a better way - not necessarily with serenity & grace - just better.

I’m not saying that life is one big mountain to climb or that it’s all pain & suffering. For the most part, it’s good. It’s just that I can take a normal life challenge, blow it out of proportion, and drive myself crazy thinking about it unless I use the tools of AA and practice spiritual principles to help lessen the impacts on my mental/emotional wellbeing.

Is this a contradiction to what I read in the Big Book? I was talking with my sponsor last night and, in a joking way, I was asking “where is my peaceful, serene sobriety?” “Where are those promises?” Does the Big Book set the bar too high (“promises” = perfection)?

I guess I am trying to get a better handle on what I am facing. Do I accept my character defects and work towards mitigating their impacts of my life or do I keep expecting to have them eliminated all-together (a frustrating, seemingly impossible process)?

I feel like I’m asking for the secret to life.

[Rad44]

Gravity. I think alcoholics are wired differently than other people in some respects and in others not. I think addiction is like learning to ride a bike. There is no way to un-learn it and turn back the clock to normal drinking days. Impossible. And God knows I've tried every conceivable way. My brain is permanently stuck at the last worst-case-scenario day I was drinking and couldn't stand it anymore. If I am sober for 30 years and choose to pick up a drink, it will put me right back to that day within 30 minutes. That's a hard wired brain condition that only addicted people have and non addicted people do not understand.

[Mark75]

I don't have long term sobriety, but I've been on the planet for a few years and I have an opinion...

We may be wired differently but I don't think we have more or less "character defects" than anyone else... We just can't afford them.... The Big Book talks about it in the 5th chapter, I think.... anger/resentment may be a dubious luxury for some, but for alcoholics it's deadly, or ... something to that effect...

No, I refuse to accept that we are no more or less deficient in any area of our lives than non-alcoholics, we just can't drink.

It’s just that I can take a normal life challenge, blow it out of proportion, and drive myself crazy thinking about it

I think anyone on the planet can relate to that statement at one time or another!!

Mark

[Dime]

Originally Posted by gravity

a message i’ve been getting from some aa members with long term sobriety is that alcoholics are wired differently than normal people and life is always going to be filled with challenges.

I am taking this to mean that i am always going to have a tendency to over-react (anger, fear, worry, frustration - character defects) to life’s challenges. This tendency will never go away but aa/spiritual principles will help me deal with things in a better way - not necessarily with serenity & grace - just better.

I hear the same thing said in meetings all the time. Everyone seems to have a great time with these type of comments. What the heck they are fun.

My own personal observations is that once we are sober our behavior and actions do not seem unlike the general population. Where there is a clear difference it that once we are alcoholic we remain as such for life and are at risk if we ever drink again. Anything that would potentially cause us to drink could lead to return to active alcoholism. So we need to make sure that our behavior and actions do not create guilt and shame because we may try to rid those feelings with alcohol. To an non-alcoholic those actions might only cause a hangover, to an alcoholic it can literally mean our demise.

[Freedom1990]

We're people who couldn't handle life on life's terms without alcohol.

Life can be challenging for anyone; we alcoholics don't have the market on that.

As I worked the program over the years, I've found I'm almost normal when it comes to handling what life throws my way!

[AW2486]

We are wired differently, I think from birth. I had a great upbringing. But still found that for what ever reason I could not stand being within my own skin. A non addictive substance - alcohol gave me the answer to that problem. The power to be OK with me. For whatever reason I am addicted to a non addictive substance. With the answer of alcohol removed, I am the same person I was before I drank, and now require to live using a program, that gives me a path to the power that provides the same answer alcohol did. All I need to do is stay in action.

normies just get up and live their lives. I have no concept of how they do that. And they have no concept of why I need to live the way I do. So yes, we are wired differently.

[24hrsAday]

gravity: good thread.. i had a very stressful childhood in my early years.. but.. i don't believe that was what made me become alcoholic. i was a heavy pot smoker before i really got started drinking heavily.. a drug is a drug and i will abuse any substance that gives me a high..

[tommyk]

I am wired differently.

As long as I attend meetings, study the 12 steps, and practice my spiritual principles...

... I find peace, serenity, and a great way of life.

(But, like with mountain climbing, if I let go of my program, I fall back down to the bottom.)

The promises in no way equal or suggest perfection... just FANTASTIC progress.

[nocoincidence56]

We are no doubt different from "earth people". We seem to have an aversion to negative feelings and a love of "good" feelings, but our love of feeling good inevitably leads to bad feelings and the cycle goes on.

“There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” C.G.J

We have to maintain the ability to have balance in our lives... Acceptance, among other things, is good for that. Taking daily inventory(ies) is one of our ways of monitoring that balance. It's all part of the program of recovery.....

[24hrsAday]

nc56: outstanding post! thank you for that!

[CarolD]

Well.....
this is only the 2nd time I have heard the term...hard wired.
Here is the first....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...riosities.html (another of my AA curiosities)

Perhaps not specific to your topic Gravity...
but interesting I think.

[FightingIrish]

Not the topic, but I'm not exactly sure why people say that alcohol is not addictive. It is.

Originally Posted by AW2486

We are wired differently, I think from birth. I had a great upbringing. But still found that for what ever reason I could not stand being within my own skin. A non addictive substance - alcohol gave me the answer to that problem. The power to be OK with me. For whatever reason I am addicted to a non addictive substance. With the answer of alcohol removed, I am the same person I was before I drank, and now require to live using a program, that gives me a path to the power that provides the same answer alcohol did. All I need to do is stay in action.

normies just get up and live their lives. I have no concept of how they do that. And they have no concept of why I need to live the way I do. So yes, we are wired differently.

[doorknob]

Originally Posted by FightingIrish

Not the topic, but I'm not exactly sure why people say that alcohol is not addictive. It is.

I'd say it's selectively addictive. Just a genetic roll of the dice that I ended up being one of those for whom alcohol is addictive.

I always thought of the term "hard wired" as an analogy used to describe the brain, nervous system and how it is programmed, so to speak.

[ananda]

i was just thinking about htis today!

i think the only difference between me and a non-alchoholic is that if i don't learn a new way to live my life that i can have some amount of comfort in I put my self in a position of taking a drink that lasts forever.

Non-alchoholics also drink for the ease and comfort the comeraderie (sorry on spelling guys). They can. I cant...so i cant let myself get in positions where i amm boxed into that corner where i need a drink to get through...

Thats not it exactly, but its something like that

[doorknob]

Originally Posted by ananda

i think the only difference between me and a non-alchoholic is that if i don't learn a new way to live my life that i can have some amount of comfort in I put my self in a position of taking a drink that lasts forever.

Can you be more specific as to what you mean by "comfort"?

[ananda]

yeah DK..i hesitated alot trying to find the right word and wasn't happy with the choice...

a certain sense of okness??? a feeling like i really am ok....

it's hard to put in words...

I know it isn't about being "happy" or getting what i want...

something else..cause i had it once when i was sober before.

[Gypsy Feet]

I am finding pieces of it I think ananda. Tonight I am in this totally heavy mindset, pretty unable to stop thinking about the future. Although it is not a happy place, I feel like its ok to be here, I know some days are just going to suck and that I will live through it. I also know that everyone else has their ups and downs, I am no more tragic or less magic than the next person.

5 months ago I would have been so terrified to think through these decisions/changes coming in my life I would have immediately numbed it all away. So I think I am finding that "okness" slowly but surely.

[Gypsy Feet]

Originally Posted by gravity

A message I’ve been getting from some AA members with long term sobriety is that alcoholics are wired differently than normal people and life is always going to be filled with challenges.

I am taking this to mean that I am always going to have a tendency to over-react (anger, fear, worry, frustration - character defects) to life’s challenges.

Sorry for the double post, but to answer the OP, I may or may not be an alcoholic so this may not count. I definitely used drugs and alcohol to avoid feelings my whole adult life. I have never been one to over react to most of life's challenges, I am a pretty mellow being both sober and using. Because I never learned how to celebrate/grieve/fear/love/be intimate/be brave etc etc without the help of drugs and alcohol, I have a whole mess of life skills to learn now.

[Eroica]

Of course people aren't wired differently. If that were the case, you could see brain differences or at least have some physical evidence that you're more likely to be addicted. But even if you're "wired" to engage in addictive behavior, if you never take a drink or never abuse alcohol, then there's no way you can become addicted.

I'm skeptical of studies that try to determine an underlying genetic disposition to "alcoholism" , because alcohol is a natural substance in only extremely small amounts in nature, its not something humans had to adapt to. Before 3,000 BC it probably wasn't consumed by humans at all. Its not like everyone is genetically destined to consume huge amounts of alcohol, with only the people with the right "genes" being able to "get away" with it. And why only with alcohol? Are some people not genetically predisposed to be able to responsibly use meth? No, meth is addictive to most people.

Anyone can become addicted to alcohol.. as i said, brain differences are only seen after the alcoholic has done years of damage to his brain, not before.

[gravity]

Thanks for the responses. There seems to be different schools of thought on this. To expand a bit more on my original post:

In this context, I define a normal person as someone who reacts to life’s challenges in a proper manner. Their thoughts, emotional responses, and actions (if required) are appropriate for a given situation. Sure, such a person will occasionally over-react but this is the exception rather than the rule. This is how normal people are “wired”.

This is not me. Too many times, I over-think, get all worked up and (sometimes) act in inappropriate ways. I can let a seemingly minor issue affect me for hours, even days. Go to bed - worried, wake up - worried.

Is this how I’m “wired”? Is this why I only have a daily reprieve and I have to work hard each day?

Or can I expect to become “normal” with hard work & patience? Heck, never mind normal – AA seems to promise better than normal!

For example, I read the 9th step promises and while I’ve made some progress, I can’t say that I’ve even come close to achieving this ideal. To me anyway, it seems impossible:

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

I’m trying to see the truth of what I am facing. I accept that I am an alcoholic, that I’m physically different, that I will never be able to drink like a normal person. Do I also accept as fact that I am mentally different and will always have a tougher time facing life’s challenges than other people?

I guess I’ll find my answer in time.

One valuable lesson I am learning is that getting close to the program in stressful times makes a huge difference; meetings, talking with my sponsor, practicing the steps exactly as they are written in the Big Book. When I do this, I am much better able to handle life on life’s terms.

Perhaps it’s simply a matter of having faith in the 12 steps and my Higher Power. Just keep praying, keep trying to improve my conscious contact, and keep trying to practice the principles in all my affairs. Having faith that everything will be just fine.

Oh, and by the way my life is so much better than it used to be. Sobriety and AA have given me a good life; replacing that mere, miserable existence. This post is more about spiritual growth and getting help from my fellow alcoholics (thanks). It's not about wanting more & more, expecting some type of perfect life. I am so very grateful for what I have been blessed with.


BB quote from the 1st ed. of the BB.

[24hrsAday]

gravity: i had a guy tell me in treatment back in 89' "life has got to be good enough.. because if it is not.. that is when the dark ugly thoughts begin to take hold again".. we must have some faith in our higher power (god) if we expect to survive and enjoy life.. just MHO!

[CarolD]

I find it pleases me to think of myself as
not different.....but .... thanks to God and AA...

a recovery miracle.

I've never been interested in normal
special was my goal....and now I am.

[navysteve]

I am not wired differently. That is AA rhetoric and BS in my opinion. We use alot of separatist lingo in the rooms ( both mainstream and underground AA meetings do this because they are two sides of the same spiritual sickness).

[sugErspun]

I have thought about this one a bit...

I don't know what a 'normal' response is to any situation. I do know I have an abnormal response to alcohol, when it's in my system, and I cannot rely on my thought processes to keep me away from taking the first drink...but as far as life problems go???

I don't know. I mean ~ Don, you put something about having a tougher time facing life's challenges than normal people. I am not sure how tough a time 'normal' people have with life problems. Problems are only how we see them, what is a problem to one person, is not a problem at all to another...and I don't know how hard people take things.

There are some experiences that people go through and it is like their world has come to an end...and I just smile and tell them they are being silly, overreacting. These people are not alcoholic, or "addicts" (this is alcoholism forum right?), but they still have hard times where they are confused, lost and NEED HELP.

I think there is some truth to the idea that we stop developing at some adolescent stage as alcoholics...and have to learn to go through life events for the first time, as we had a way of coping in the past which is not an option today. Maybe it seems tough, as essentially alcoholism is extreme self involvment with a sense of "no one feels things the way I feel things". All in all, I don't see alcoholism as any definitive casting mechanism for how one will react to life....and we all know we did enough avoiding in our time.

Some of the happiest people I know, most peaceful, most fulfilled ~ I have met because of our common bond of alcoholism and the miracle that has taken place with it's removal and progression in the spiritual.

Progress grav, progress.

[adore79]

I think alcoholism is akin to a personality disorder in that we are "hard wired" to do things certain ways and to change we have to change our personalities somewhat.