Advice needed, how to change sponsors

[Cubile75]

I have a sponsor, I thought he was a good fit... same general field of work, has 8 years sobriety, once, an obviously active member of my home group. Not as much lately... I asked him within a month of starting AA after rehab...

I am 6 months out of rehab... I still very much like my home group. There is a fellow there that I speak to alot in the "20/20" club. While very different, we mesh well and I have been able to discuss issues surrounding my sobriety, steps, etc... very easily. He asked me if I had a sponsor last week. He has, I think, 7 years sobriety.

I want to switch... my current sponsor, sort of, kind of, puts me off when I want to set up some 4th step work... If I were more assertive, maybe... I don't know.

Jeez, Am I worrying too much, I mean it's not like we are engaged or something. I guess I am just looking for a kick in the pants and start to make a change....

So, kick away!

Mark

[Rowan]

I've changed sponsors several times over the years as my own needs have changed. Each time, there were no hard feelings. If there were, I would have to wonder what their motives were in sponsoring me in the first place. Simply thank your sponsor for his time and effort (if you feel so inclined) and tell him that you have asked 'so-and-so' to walk with you through this part of your recovery.

I understand that it can be difficult to make decisions without worrying how it will affect the other person, but this is about YOUR recovery and YOUR needs.

Let us know how you make out.

BTW I sponsored a gal for her first couple of months and then she moved on to another sponsor - she called me first and let me know, and we are good friends today. There were no hard feelings whatsoever - I was just grateful to have had the opportunity to help another.

[freya]

Cubile: It seems to me like if you just briefly said what you've said in your OP, that would be fine. I mean, first of all, you have the right to change sponsors whenever you want and all you have to say is "This isn't working for me; I need to find another sponsor." If you want to go into the fact that you seem to be feeling more of a sense of urgency about your program, that's fine, but you don't have to explain or justify yourself.

It's not uncommon for people to go through a couple temporary sponsors before they find someone who really "clicks" with them. (Although, if one finds oneself in a pattern of finding fault with sponsor after sponsor, then that might be an indication that the true problem is with the common denominator in those situations!)

When you talk to your current sponsor, just be sure to keep the focus on yourself and what you need. If you do that, he has no reason to be hurt or offended and, if he chooses to be so, that is on him, not on you.

Good luck -- freya

[bballdad]

Mark,I never change sponsors unless they quit coming to AA or die
I am on my 3rd sponsor in 20 yrs,guess I am doing fairly well with sponsors.
I know a few guys like that,they jump on the first 3 steps and then go to sleep with their sponsee`s.

I would suggest a few options
1.prayer for a few days in case it turns out to be a emotional disturbance of some kind going on within
2.find other old timers who can/will talk/work with you while you pray
3.keep being involved in AA meetings

good luck on your problem!

[tommyk]

Honesty.

[Sugah]

If you express to him what you've expressed to us and do it in the spirit of love and respect, you'll be just fine. If your current sponsor has got something good going in his program, he'll want the best for you and wish you well. If he gets upset about it, then you've given him the gift of uncovering some work that needs to be done.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Pagekeeper]

Thank you for this post.

I am at the exact same place. It sort of feels like that Robert Frost poem where two roads diverged in the woods. I'm not on a "bad" path with my current sponsor, I just feel like this other person will challenge me a bit more and that is what I need right now. It's a little scary, though. In some ways I'm quite comfortable, and who wants growing pains?! The truth of the matter, however, is that I know it'll help me grow. Mostly I don't want to hurt feelings.

[trucker]

i think its important to focus on "what they do".......rather than the amount of sobriety.

i know guys with twenty years and i wouldnt want "what they have"...

sobriety is important......BUT........there are other factors that imo are vital.

My two pennys worth..................

[navysteve]

I want to switch... my current sponsor, sort of, kind of, puts me off when I want to set up some 4th step work... If I were more assertive, maybe... I don't know.

If indeed your sponsor is holding you up on working the steps then it is time to get a new one in my opinion. A question, how will the new sponsor work you in the steps?

And actually, you don't need a sponsor to work the steps with someone. If they have a solution, take all you can get from them. Sponsor is just a title anyway. If your doctor stopped answering your calls, would you resist getting a new doctor?

[Cubile75]

Good point Trucker... I want what my sponsor has ... I just don't know if that'll be enough. Like bballdad suggested, I am praying over it. I may talk f2f with my support group as well.

I think I should change, but I want to for the right reasons. I have a great deal of respect for the members of my home group, and all of you here. I am glad I posted, thanx everyone!

[Cubile75]

Navy... We posted over each other... I like what you said... There is a fellow there I may start doing step work with. Things will work out... It is great to be able to discuss this with all of you.... Thanx

Mark