No one ever said it would be like this....

[introuble]

I have been sober since the 6th of April. I have been going to meetings, reading from three different books, have a sponsor, and feel like sh*t. Not physically but emotionally and spiritually. When I first started all of this, I was on cloud nine. I was ready to tackle all of these steps, so happy all the time, so damn positive. Then, slowly over the last week and a half or so, the reality sets in. This is really hard work, exhausting at times. Now, it's like the words in my books are foreign language at times. I read and reread items and really struggle to comprehend the words. So, last night after my meeting I started over (again) from the very beginning.

I was talking with a couple of gentlemen from my group after the meeting last night. Turns out that this is pretty normal progression of things that no one tells you about when you get started. It is pretty typical that you get that euphoric, "life is great and can't get any better" feeling in the beginning. Then, reality sets in that you are still living the same life. Only, now, you don't have your crutch to help you get through the day. You have to do it on your own. I am getting pretty good at living one day at a time. I have thought about alcohol, sometimes a lot but haven't had any real, true desires to buy it and consume it. And, I sure have dreamed about it a good bit.

Somewhere along the way, I keep hoping I will wake up one morning and feel that wonderful feeling again of feeling great. One day at a time, just one day.

[navysteve]

Somewhere along the way, I keep hoping I will wake up one morning and feel that wonderful feeling again of feeling great. One day at a time, just one day.

For me that wonderful feeling is contentment within my own skin. I do not have a constant euphoric state of mind, which is what I craved when I got here. I associated pleasure with happiness. Through practicing the AA program I have learned to be OK even when things around me aren't.

[tommyk]

Ups and downs... just like the weather, and equally unpredictable.

Dive into the 12 steps and see if that helps... it works for me.

[Music]

That feeling you experienced is commonly referred to as being on a pink cloud. Mine lasted considerably longer than a couple weeks because I jumped into AA with both feet and treated the program like a saving grace; a gift that I spent some time trying to figure out just how I was chosen. One day I mentioned to my sponsor, something similar to what you've stated above, about life not changing and the realization that not much improved, at least from my standpoint when I stopped drinking. His response went something like this. "The whole world isn't going to stop and take notice, just because you've started to behave in a way that you should have been behaving all along." You don't have do this thing alone unless you want to. If you drank the way I did, I feel safe in saying that you can't do this alone. You're going to need a higher power and you're going to need the help of others in the program. Getting a sponsor and calling him every day to let him know your agenda for that day and having phone numbers of others you can call just to chat and share experiences will help too. You're setting yourself up for failure if you think you can handle this by yourself. I couldn't think myself into a positive attitude and positive actions, I had to act myself into a positive way of thinking which helped my attitude. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, and start working the steps. Take positive action in your own sobriety and it'll get better.

[RufusACanal]

Welcome! April the 6th, hmmm, that was what 24 days ago. LOL. It does get better, really better. No one said it would be easy. In fact, you may come to know that "easy" is not really what you once thought it was. Stand up. Look around. Your vision and mind is clearing. Get ready, the best is yet to come.

You have to want this more than anything in life. Now get to work!

[keithj]

Trouble,

I'm going to be the broken record here. I worked the steps like my life depended on it. At two weeks of sobriety, I had been through the book 3 times with different colored pens marking and underlining (Akron method if anyone cares), met with my sponsor and read the book at least 3 times a week. By a month of sobriety, I had formally done step 3 and was working on 4, I think. It's tough to remember the exact timeline, and it doesn't really matter. I'm not telling you that to indicate that I'm anything special. I was just desperate.

Originally Posted by introuble

I have been going to meetings, reading from three different books, have a sponsor, and feel like sh*t.

What step are you on? What have you done on that step today? Not yesterday, not what you are planning or 'gonna' do, but what have you done today?

As others have said, that pink cloud feeling is absolutely normal. You see it all the time, and it's always cause for me to wonder about someone. When someone comes into the rooms and after a month of not drinking can share for 15 minutes about how great everything is, I always wonder if we are going to see them around in a few months. Most of those people that try to ride that pink cloud out without doing any work become part of the 'passing parade'. Everything seems great, they tell you they are great, and then they just disappear. Some of them turn up again looking rough, and some of them do not.

[Emimily]

the very first thing i remember when i was all smiley and happy and telling my sponsor how great everything was going - "this too shall pass". and i was stunned... what? lame! this is gonne be forevs! i'm happy! c'mon! she was right, it passed. then i felt sh*tty and mean and stuck, and that passed too. and that's what moods and feelings do, they pass.

my friend earl equates feelings and moods with t.v. shows - they're on, then they're over. if you don't like the show, change the channel. what action needs to be taken to change your channel? if something sucks on every other channel, then dig your nails in and keep trudgin, because it WILL change. that is a guarantee. you're always changing, so are your moods and feelings.

you want sobriety more than active alcoholism, otherwise you wouldn't be doing what you already are. now it's a matter of more work - but you're so worth it, and you'll feel better once you're elbows deep in whatever positive action you come up with... and i think part of you knows that already.

take good care, keep us posted.

[lizw]

I've been sober 10 years (coming up 11) and I recently quit smoking and it has been the same sort of process to stop smoking as it was to stop drinking except I had some idea of what it would be like to stop smoking as other folks who quit told me.

I have always related to people in meetings who say things like, 'if you want to find out how crazy you really are, stop drinking.' My head told and still tells me at times that drinking was/is the actual problem which is a lie. Like you identified, being emotionally and spiritually unwell was and is my real problem. My head says the same thing to me about 'smoking'. Smoking is my real problem, which is rubbish again (for me) it's about not being comfortable in my own skin.

Something a lot of people have shared with me over the last few years is just because something feels uncomfortable doesn't make it wrong. Sometimes it is a good indication I am getting better as I am trying out new behavior instead of returning to the bag of old tricks.

You're doing well despite what your head tells you.
Take it easy

[Sheryl85]

Originally Posted by Emimily

the very first thing i remember when i was all smiley and happy and telling my sponsor how great everything was going - "this too shall pass". and i was stunned... what? lame! this is gonne be forevs! i'm happy! c'mon! she was right, it passed. then i felt sh*tty and mean and stuck, and that passed too. and that's what moods and feelings do, they pass.

Oh Boy! Can I ever relate! Twenty-four years ago today I picked up my desire chip. A few days (and a thousand nights) later I was on that pink cloud and my sponsor said those very same words to me, “This too shall pass.” And I was like you, stunned! But then she echoed them again during the hard times as well and just like those good times it did pass and I realized that she was right.

During this twenty-four year journey through sobriety I’ve had my ups and downs. The first year had its physical and mental ups and downs due to withdrawal. The second year was a bit harder than the first without all the little warm fuzzies and chips counting out the days. By the time I hit year 13 I had forgotten most of the lessons I had learned in those early years and about “This too shall pass.” I had sunk so far down in to the doldrums brought about by complacency that the “hideous Four Horsemen—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair” had caught back up with me. I had lost that feeling of “contented sobriety” that I had worked so hard to achieve in those early days. With the help and intervention of my HP I never took a drink, but it took that “newcomer” determination once again to fight my way back to where I am today.

InTrouble, there’s a reason why they wrote what they did on page 164 of the Big Book (3rd or 4th Edition) . . .

“Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”

. . . because some days we really do just trudge through it. Don’t worry, this period you are going through will pass and you will see brighter days again. So for now, keep working the steps, go to meetings, and keep on trudging!

[tommyk]

"No one ever said it would be like this...."

Celebrating 15 years clean & sober this week.

Wow... it feels so cool to write that, it makes it more real. 15 f'ing years.

Nobody ever said it could be this good!

Keep coming back.

(I recite the 12 steps in my mind at least once per day, and it is a rare day that I miss a meeting. )

[introuble]

Thanks all for sharing your personal experiences and thoughts. It helps a lot to have the reminders that this is life, and like all things in life, "this too shall pass". I will continue to go to meetings and work my steps. I got out of the habit of reading from my 12 & 12 book every morning so I will restart that. It was helping me a lot in the beginning. I have started over on my steps as my sponsor is reworking the steps with me. I am now on Step 3. Feeling a little better today emotionally. Thanks again and I'll keep you posted.

[introuble]

Today I am celebrating my 30th day of sobriety by going to a meeting and having some nice hot coffee. I feel so proud of myself and encouraged for a brighter future!! I am feeling better this week, a little brighter and not so blue. Time to realize that life will have it's ups and downs.