My Old Way of Thinking

[Mark75]

is back...

I recently had a business disappointment... a fairly serious one but it's not fatal. I am in business with my wife, which of course complicates things. But that's not what I want to post about.

I am 7+ months sober after 39 years of drinking and and many other things off and on.... Intervention, rehab, AA, recovery program.

Today my old thinking came back... I can't really describe my old thinking, but I know it when I think it.... F#%k it... "I don't want it, Don't need it, and Don't have to have it" attitude about the next right things I have to do. Then the "hole" opens up...

You know, I want to trust God, and I do. I say I do, but today I'm not, really. I have acceptance, but today I am trying to think of a way out... I have gratitude but it's laced with some entitlement...

I hope that this doesn't sound like a pity party... I am pissed that I feel this way. I guess this is really a confession of sorts. I have almost completed my fourth step... I know the answers are there, in step work. At least I didn't drink and won't. I went to my home group meeting. I've prayed, but somethings blocking it. I will do the next right things, but I've some resentment.

I hope you don't mind my public confession. I posted this here because I am not looking for sympathy, but maybe someone can tell me what I need to hear.

Mark

[Freedom1990]

I had a gal I was sponsoring briefly who drank after 3 years. Trying to work with her was like nailing jello to the floor.

It came as no great shock to me that she confessed (after she had drank again) she never made it past step 3.

Maybe it's time to wrap up that 4th and onto the 5th?

[Music]

I was told early on that every so often that thinking comes back and not to drink, even if my ass falls off. Just keep doing what you're doing.

[Tommyh]

my thoughts too Music,keep doing what you have been doing and pray,this too will pass

[gravity]

I had a major financial setback this week but in the big picture, nothing fatal. I'm still a bit pissed-off about it but I have been praying and meditating.

The "messages" I've been getting are: "This too shall pass", "challenges are a normal part of life - I'm no different", and "I have so much to be grateful for".

And you know, this is the kind of thing that won't even be on the radar in a few weeks. Should I make myself miserable while I wait for it to pass? Nah..better to just take my lumps and move on.

[24hrsAday]

this too shall pass.. god i love that one. so very true..

[CarolD]

When a member ... new to my group .... was giving out the chips
he s stated ......"The 9th month is the least given"

I have no clue if this is true or not....
but the man next to me mumbled
"Damned 4th Step is why"


Prayers coming your way......

[aasharon90]

Happy Friday to you. Here it is a new
day. Yesterday is behind you and u
didnt drink, right?

That old stinkin thinking always
pops in from time to time. When
that happens I remember hearing
don't think, don't drink and go to
meetings.

Along with that i had to get into
some exceptance. Excepting people
places and things just as they r
suppose to be.

And on top of that, do some service
work by helping someone else. It's
amazing how when i brought my tray
of cookies or goodies to my meeting
it allowed me to get out of self and
put the focus on someone else.

Before i knew it i was feeling better
and forgot what was troubling me.

Kindness goes a long way.

Dont be too hard on urself. remember
it took yrs of drinking to get u where
u r today and it will take time to undo
what was done.

Remember u dont have to go thru
anything alone ever again. There's
always someone available to talk to
and share with to suggest or guide
u were u need to be.

[Mark75]

It is a new day. I didn't drink!

There are a couple of "next right things" to do today... If that old way of thinking returns, ... an extra meeting tonight.

Thanx all
Mark