What I'm really wondering is what is a spiritual awakening?

[firestorm090]

After rereading my other thread, I realized my tone and story were more along the lines of describing my physical experience with AA, but not what I missed along the line. I apologize for not being more specific with my inquiry.

As I recall, it is stated in the BB, "Having had a spiritual awakening as the results of these steps, we continued to carry this message to alcoholics," or close to that. What does that mean? Does that mean that a person becomes aware of the spiritual part of life? Does this mean that by working the steps a person becomes transformed into a more spiritual person? Is this a light bulb experience or a burning bush kind of thing?

Some people may think I'm playing games here, but that is not the case. I have had all the booze this guy can handle. I'm lost as far as this spiritual stuff is concerned. I have a hard time with God, because I was raised to believe that He's up in Heaven right now writing down all the bad, hurtful things I've done and I will face His judgement in the end. I wrote myself off to hell a long time ago. But that doesn't mean that I want to continue living the life of a drunk. What about where it says happy, joyous, and free near the end of the BB? That sounds good to me. How do you do that? How do you get to the point in your life where you feel some contentment and peace within you? I've drank for so many years because I'm miserable inside, but the booze doesn't work anymore. Now I guess I'm just a drunk without a drink. I'm happy not to be drunk, but I'm not at peace by no means.

I'm not trying to bash AA, actually I never would have went there if I didn't think it could help. I realize some may have better experiences than others, that's life, but it's the program that I"m wondering about, the twelve steps, do they help you become happy, joyous and free? I need to change my way of living life, that I know. I'm just stuck as to how to do that.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[laurie6781]

Here is where I started when I had that same question early in my recovery.

From the Big Book of AA, Appendix II, Spiritual Experience
Copyright ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC

The terms “spiritual experience” and “spiritual awakening” are used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms.

Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes, or religious experiences, must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily for everyone, this conclusion is erroneous.

In the first few chapters a number of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not our intention to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming “God-consciousness” followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook.

Among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of alcoholics such transformations, though frequent, are by no means the rule. Most of our experiences are what the psychologist William James calls the “educational variety” because they develop slowly over a period of time. Quite often friends of the newcomer are aware of the difference long before he is himself. He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self-discipline. With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.

Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it “God-consciousness.”

Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.

We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.

Some it seems it is almost like lightening. Others, like mine, come slowly. I had worked the steps (except there were still some folks I hadn't found to do my step 9 <amends> to) and one morning I got up was doing my morning routine and this feeling came over me. It was WOW, here I am, I am living sober, I am actually doing it, I don't need that bottle any more. It was a very warm 'comforting' feeling. It was a feeling of relief. It was a feeling of accomplishment, it was a feeling that I could continue to do this for me and maybe even help some others along the way.

I was about 15 months sober at the time. It has been many ODAATs now, and I still enjoy being of service to others and not just in AA.

You ask:

I"m wondering about, the twelve steps, do they help you become happy, joyous and free?

I can say this for me, MOST DEFINITELY YES. Now that does not mean that I 'skip' through life every day, rofl Using an old clique here, I can honestly say that my very WORST day in sobriety was still 5000% better than my very best day out there using and abusing. You will notice that I have a little note about 'trugin through alligators up to your butt in my signature. lmao I have surely done my fair share of that in sobriety.

The steps have given me the 'freedom' to 'deal' with those 'curve balls' that life throws a person, without having to numb myself and hide. To me THAT IS PART OF THE FREEDOM.

I have a hard time with God, because I was raised to believe that He's up in Heaven right now writing down all the bad, hurtful things I've done and I will face His judgement in the end.

Been there too, only I was also taught that every little or big 'bad' thing I did also put a black mark on my soul. I do understand your trepidation. My awakening on those things came at about 9 months when I went to a 1 day mini retreat led that day by a Catholic Priest in the program.

At the lunch break, I was sitting talking with Father Frank the first priest I had talked in over 22 years since I left the Catholic Church at 14 vowing never to go back.

Father Frank, who was about 16yrs sober then said to me very simply. "I want you to forget what the Nuns taught or what you believe they taught you. Instead, at each meeting you go to ......................... just look around the room and see the MIRACLES. That is where you will find a Higher Power of Your Understanding."

You know what? He was right.

You too can find what I and many others have found. Oh there will be times when your head tells you it's silly, or 'it' doesn't make sense, or why do I have to do this or that. There will be times that you are going to want to analyze the chit out of something in the book, and when you get all done analyzing will still be confused, lol. However, as time goes on, all will start to make some sense.

Find a sponsor that is willing to be a guide through the BB of AA. Find a sponsor that is willing to share how they work the program and show it in their daily lives.

When I asked Beverly to be my sponsor, she explained to me that her 'job' as sponsor was to "guide you through the first 164 pages of the BB of AA and show you how I have applied it in my life." Were there suggestions? You bet there were. Did some of them seem outrageous at the time? ABSOLUTELY. Why on earth would I want to call her EVERY day for crying out loud? But I did it. Little did I know that even though I protested I was showing that I was "willing" to follow at least some direction. Were there sometimes STRONG suggestions? Yep. Did I resent them sometimes? Yep, but I did them, again sometimes under protest, but I knew I wanted sobriety.

I have to tell you also that Beverly and Husband became my very best friends. They have both passed now, and I still MISS THEM VERY MUCH. They taught me so much more than just how to live sober.

So .................................................. ask away. I hope you find a sponsor.

Hope the above helps a bit.

Love and hugs,

[stone]

A spiritual awakening can mean different things to different people, it could be as simple as realising one day your obsession to drink is no longer there. It could be realising that you now appreciate the small things in life. It could be that you feel connected to something greater. Or it could be like Paul on teh road to Damascus, lightning bolts etc.

[Latte]

The "God" I believe in today is not the "God" I grew up with. I grew up in the Baptist church and was taught some things that I no longer believe. The "God" I belive in today is forgiving, tolerant etc.

[AW2486]

Originally Posted by firestorm090

Does this mean that by working the steps a person becomes transformed into a more spiritual person?

That was my experience. That's why the first step is so important to me. I had to be utterly convinced I was powerless, Alcohol beat me to a pulp. To have no power, was the only way I could see the need for a power greater than myself. The steps awakened me to that power. I just had to have willingness. trust, faith, and most important effort to take the action needed.

It wasn't easy. The only thing I had to change was everything.

If your looking at doing AA and the steps. Give yourself a chance and just do them. Hopefully it will work for you as it did for me. If not you can come here and tell us all about it.

Best to you

Andy

[tommyk]

My spiritual awakening came when I realized the rest of the world wasn't there to serve me just because I had problems.

I received a further awakening when I realized that I could actually serve others.

I am a member of society now, and that awakens me spiritually, I belong!

[bartender129]

When I get a buzz from life instead of a substance, that is a spiritual awakening.

[serenityqueen]

I'm lost as far as this spiritual stuff is concerned. I have a hard time with God, because I was raised to believe that He's up in Heaven right now writing down all the bad, hurtful things I've done and I will face His judgement in the end. I wrote myself off to hell a long time ago.

firestorm, I went through EXACTLY the same thing when I was trying to get clean and sober since 1980 when I first realized I had a serious problem and needed help. Up until my early teens, I was raised Catholic. . . went to Catholic school grades 2 - 4. I remember the Nuns going over the Ten Commandments and I thought since I had lied to my Mom, stole my friends Barbie doll dress that I just had to have for my Barbie and all the other "sins" I committed already by the age of 8 that my place in hell was already reserved for me.

I had also thought that IF God was really there, why would all of these horrible things have happened to me over the years? If He loved me unconditionally, why was I hurting so bad? These feelings completely got in the way of any Sobriety I had tried to build up for 25 years before July of 2005. I had put myself in treatment for the first time when I was only 18 and spent the next 25 years in and out of treatment centers, detox, in patient, outpatient, prison twice . . . but the God concept got in my way every single time. I was stuck.

When I truly hit my bottom, I was at the lowest point in my life, I had never, ever thought I could feel so alone in the world. I knew I had to give this Sobriety thing one more try . . . there was nothing left. . . besides death. I had been going to a local hospital where I had been for detox numerous times, trying to get detoxed yet again. I'd spent hours in the ER waiting room, then a few more hours in the ER, just to be told, "Sorry, no beds on the detox unit, try again tomorrow." I'd have to use to keep the withdrawls from hitting hard. Next day, back to the ER at 6:00 am, just like they told me to, only to go through the same thing all over again. I did this for about 5 days. On the evening of July 24, I was out of pills and the withdrawls were hitting hard. As bad as I felt physically, it didn't compare to how I felt emotionally, spiritually. I was seriously trying to figure out how to commit suicide and have it "work." I figured I'd fail at that too, just like everything else. I envisioned myself laying in a bed in a Nursing Home for the next 40 years, in adult diapers, completely paralyzed, a feeding tube . . . I began getting really mad at God. I started yelling out, "If you're really there, will you f*cking help me! I thought you were supposed to love me? You don't care! If you did, you wouldn't have let my life get in the sh*thole it is in now! . . .Why won't you help me? Show me what I need to do! I'll do whatever it takes, I can't go through another day like this. Help me! . . . " I really, really let Him have it! All the while, I'm dry heaving, shaking, running to the bathroom, sweating, . . . the withdrawls were horrible. The next thing I knew, the alarm was going off. I woke up about 7 hours later, feeling at peace. I was still dope sick and in need of detox, but inside I knew I was going to be ok. When Mom picked me up to take me to the hospital again, I told her that I knew a bed would be available. She thought I had called the hospital ahead of time or something, nope! I just knew in my heart that a bed would be available. I was laying in that bed, on the detox unit, about 6 hours later.

When I tell people this, some say I had a Spiritual Awakening. I don't know what it was and for me, I don't really need to put a "title" on what happened. I just know that an overwhelming sense of peace came over me that night. I had a long, long road ahead of me, but I knew I was never going to be alone never. I never WAS alone . . . I just thought I was. (It's like Footprints . . . I had been carried through the worst of it but I just didn't realize it.)

From that point on, I was able to look at the world through different eyes. I began to appreciate the things I hadn't noticed since I was a child, sunrises, sunsets, a kid's laugh, a puppy running so fast that it gets tripped up over it's own big paws . . . All of those things that I never appreciated in my life suddenly became such sources of happiness for me.

Like Laurie said, life was no cake walk, that's for damn sure. It still hurt like hell when my Dad died, watching my Mom's health decline is heartbreaking, having my own health issues get drastically worse, not being able to find a job after months of trying, financial difficulties, . . . all of these things were still there. But I was able to get through them without getting high or drinking. I had found a God of MY UNDERSTANDING. My God doesn't have a scorecard, keeping track of all of my faults and bad choices. He loves me unconditionally. I now know that Praying isn't just repeating the Lord's Prayer over and over or saying ten Hail Mary's. I talk to God just like I talk to anyone else. When I see flowers poking through the recently thawed out ground, I say, "thanks for that." I find myself thanking Him for so many things that I always took for granted or never noticed before.

You ask about the Steps. I have no doubt that if I hadn't thoroughly and honestly done the 12 Steps and continue to do them on a daily basis, I would never, ever have went 3 years and 9 months without picking up. The Steps are the key to me being able to work through all of the crap in my past that kept me going right back to drugs and alcohol. The Steps have shown me how to live life on life's terms instead of thinking I can change everything to accomodate Judy. I was able to make peace with myself.

Most people didn't have an experience similar to what I had on my last day using. It's not like when I woke up that day I was healed or cured. I just knew that I was not alone, I never had been. For me, that's what I needed, just knowing that I'm not alone and I never will be again, unless I choose to be.

I am Happy, Joyous & Free.

Thanks for letting me share this,
Judy

[Mark75]

Originally Posted by laurie6781

at each meeting you go to ......................... just look around the room and see the MIRACLES. That is where you will find a Higher Power of Your Understanding."

Laurie's answer resonates very strongly with me. There has been another aspect of my spiritual awakening...

I have wreckage in my life and problems ahead... problems that would have keep me awake every night and surely back to wanting, real bad, to use again. Like serenityqueen and how she knew there would be a bed at detox, if she just showed up..... Well, that's how my higher power is working for me... If I try to always do the next right thing, stay sober and keep living this new way... I somehow know that things will work out in God's way and I'll be OK.... I don't know HOW, but they will.

Second step I guess... with a little 11th step thrown in.

Important for this newly recovering alcoholic.

Mark

[jimhere]

An awakening can take several forms, but for me it begins to happen when I wake up to the truth. Anytime an alcoholic sees the truth, that is a spiritual awakening.

A spiritual awakening is simply a new mind. For the alcoholic, the problem centers in the mind. The old mind will always drink and I realized that and was promised a new one through the process of taking the steps.

Although the problem centers in the mind, it is a spiritual problem, rooted in self-centered thinking. When I begin to think outside of myself and start looking to see what I can contribute to the world is when I begin to recover. I see the world and the people in it through different eyes, it is no longer a cruel and hostile place that I have to fight to get my slice of the pie from and eke out a miserable existence from. In fact, it is a new world into which I belong and am connected to my brothers and sisters. In fact Chuck Chamberlain called it a "New Pair Of Glasses."

Self-centered thinking results in a sense of separation from, so the solution is unity. I had an awakening early on. I was sitting at home on a rainy Saturday afternoon. I was making amends and starting develop a prayer life and work with others. I was sitting there and I realized it was quiet and that I didn't want to be anywhere else but where I was at that time and I had a sense of being absolutely connected to everybody and everything. Every once in a while I get those moments.

My recovery has been a series of surrenders and awakenings, moving from one to the next.
Jim

[firestorm090]

Good Morning SR,

I have very little time this morning, but wanted to thank all of you for your insightful and helpful replies. This recovery processis going to take some time to figure out, but my old ways just don't work.

I'll try to respond more later today. Thanks again.

fs

[Mark75]

I quit trying to figure it out... I just don't drink, go to meetings and work the steps.

Mark

[keithj]

Originally Posted by firestorm090

What I'm really wondering is what is a spiritual awakening?

Stop wondering and experience it for yourself. Really. It's one of those things that you can't know until you know. And when you do, you'll know without any doubt what a spiritual awakening is.

[firestorm090]

I tried the approach of not drinking, going to meetings and working the steps, but I didn't have a spiritual experience.

I now believe my sponsor got off easy. When we discussed the fourth step, he told me to write down all the things that I felt bad about. I did that. We did a fifth step, I told him all of these things, then he told me many of the things he did while drinking. it was a good talk, but I didn't feel much different. We read the third step prayer, then went to dinner. We breezed over the sixth and seventh step over dinner, then he told me to write out a list of all the people I had harmed. I did that. Then, I had to contact all of the people on the list and make amends, which I did as well. Then he said, okay, practice these principles in all of your affairs, which I still do to the best of my ability, but I still feel miserable, so I said to h*ll with this and went back to drinking. That was four to five years ago. Now I'm wondering did I do the steps right, and if so, why didn't I experience a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. I don't believe in magic, I don't believe in osmosis, I am a hands on guy and did what was suggested, only to clean up a lot of the mess I created, but no spiritual change. If I just sit around and wait till this change magically overcomes me, I may be dead before that happens, with an empty booze bottle in my hand. I still try to do the next right thing, which I do not plan to change, but how do you become comfortable not drinking. I don't want to drink, because that became real h*ll, but I'm lost sober too. Maybe this is not the place to discuss all this, but I thought I'd try.

[AW2486]

Steps 4 & 5 are about finding the truth about everything. Not just a confession. My spiritual awakening happened after step 5. Have had many "God Shots" since then.

I hope you give it another try. A good sponsor and the directions from the big book, (resentments, fear, sex conduct, harms to others, and the part you played).

[Pinkcuda]

This "spiritual awakening" doesn't have a Brass band leading the procession. It doesn't hit with a thud. It comes between the 5th and the 10th step and seems to me in my case it was progressive. It wasn't an overnight experience. The last phrase of "The Spiritual Experience" on pg 568 or 570 depending on which edition you have says "Humility, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery..."
Open Mindedness does not only let new ideas in, it lets old ideas out. Remember "some of us tried to hold on to our "old ideas" and the result was nil.
I bring this up because you mentioned a somewhat condemning God. Probably the same punishing God that I was raised to believe. That's one of the old ideas that could probably go away.
Don't force it, but keep at it. You'll begin to notice things about yourself that are a little out of character. It'll stop you dead in your tracks and make you wonder if this is it.

All quotes from AA big Book first edition

[firestorm090]

It just dawned on me that a spiritual awakening may not come as bolts of lightning, but instead maybe it's just a little seed, smaller than the fingernail on my pinky finger. Maybe that seed is called hope, hope that life can become full of meaning, hope that we learn to cherish life, hope that we become the best that we can become, regardless of however long that takes. It may also be that we begin to accept ourselves just as we are, warts and all, and learn to be proud of just that, not wishing to be anyone else, but to simply be at peace with who we are today. Maybe it is also the seed of our connection to others, a connection that becomes so strong that we are able to lean on one another whenever the fires, tribulations and stresses of life test our will to survive, to grow, to rise above the flames to see the clear sky above. Maybe it is also our connection to a higher power, which includes not just the God of our understanding, but also our collective humanity. Maybe the principles are meant to guide us with our relations to others, to strengthen our patience, compassion, tolerance, and love for each other and our love for the one life we have to live and the opportunity to share this journey with whomever we come in contact with. Maybe the spirit just needs to be joined with the powers of sustaining life, instead of drowning our spirit in a bottle of booze. Maybe the fire we have walked through as active alcoholics conditions us to withstand the dark side of life, to see and experience it fully firsthand, and then to find the other side, the side filled with light, love and laughter, after all the tears we've shed. Maybe our journey through the dark side helps us learn to appreciate the light, maybe we take too much for granted and feel the world owes us something, only to discover the real truth is that we are just fellow travelers on a path with many detours, many hills and valleys and many distractions along the way. Maybe a spiritual awakening is learning how to slow down, to smell the flowers, to see the sunset, to open our arms wide and embrace the fact that we're alive, that we survived and that we are no longer on a sinking ship in the middle of nowhere, but instead are on the shore with friends and loved ones. Maybe it is all of this, and so much more and maybe, just maybe, it can begin with me, a little seed that just needs some water, sunlight and care, to begin a new life right where I am today. Maybe it's that way for all of us.

[adore79]

From what Ive heard and read, the spiritual awakening that comes from working the 12 steps can come quickly, like in a "ah ha" moment, or it can develop gradually over time. I believe it does happen from just observing people who have worked the steps, and reading on here from people who have worked the steps.

[Pinkcuda]

Seed??? Funny you would say something like that. I think the bible specifies "Mustard Seed"

Then said he, Unto what is the kingdom of God like? and whereunto shall I resemble it?
It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it.
– Luke 13:18–9

And he said, Whereunto shall we liken the kingdom of God? or with what comparison shall we compare it?
It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when it is sown in the earth, is less than all the seeds that be in the earth:
But when it is sown, it groweth up, and becometh greater than all herbs, and shooteth out great branches; so that the fowls of the air may lodge under the shadow of it.
– Mark 4:30–2

Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and sowed in his field:
Which indeed is the least of all seeds: but when it is grown, it is the greatest among herbs, and becometh a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in the branches thereof.
– Matthew 13:31–2

The disciples said to Jesus, "Tell us what Heaven's kingdom is like." He said to them, "It's like a mustard seed, the smallest of all seeds, but when it falls on prepared soil, it produces a large plant and becomes a shelter for birds of the sky."
– Thomas 20

Coincidence??? Tell me! It's your awakening.

[freya]

Personally, I guess if pressured to define "spiritual awakening," I would say something along the lines of:

A shift in one's perception caused by one's increasing alignment with HP (The will of God / the Force / The Energy of the Universe / Nature / Whatever-works-for-you) and resulting in an increased sense of internal peace, of the inter-connectedness of all existence, and the fundamental immediacy and "rightness" of the here-and-now.

But, ultimately, I really don't think it's possible to accurately "capture" spiritual concepts and spiritual experience in language, so any definition that anyone comes up with is going to be severely limited and necessarily inadequate.....and I have my doubts as to the wisdom of spending much time trying to do so.

For me, this is definitely one of those things where the only way to "get it," is to experience it myself. And even though I really wanted that experience, I was quite skeptical that I would ever actually have it when I first came into the rooms. But, for me, wanting it was enough, because wanting it enabled me to at least suspend my disbelief/skepticism long enough to try some of the things that were suggested to me in the Steps and that I saw other people doing...

...and, lo-and-behold, it worked!

Exactly how it worked is still also a mystery to me....but I guess that would be why they call it "a miracle," right? And I'm not being smart here, either. It's just that, as far as I can tell, one of the things that is so problematic about trying to talk about this and explain it to anyone is the fact that, even if I were to be able to very accurately and very specifically describe for you in great detail exactly what I did and how I did it, it would still not be rationally clear, in a logical, reproducible, cause-and-effect way, how that got me where I am right now in terms of my own "spiritual awakening" (which, BTW, has been of the gradual but ever-increasing over time variety) and my own relationship with HP.

I did A, B and C...and I got X, Y and Z....but somewhere (actually several "somewheres") in the A, B and C there is this indefinable, mysterious thing called "the leap of faith" and that, I do believe, is the magical ingredient that allows A,B and C to result in X,Y and Z...but how it works exactly and what it looks like for anyone else (or even for myself except for in retrospect) there is no saying.........or, more accurately, there is sometime lots and lots of saying but no true expressing.

If you want to "know," you have to "sense" or "intuit" what "the leap" is for you and you have to take it; it is the only way.

freya

[firestorm090]

Doggone it, my Thanks Button keeps getting stuck.

[Mark75]

Great post freya... I guess you DO have all that and brains too!!

I was gonna say "Seek and you shall find", but unless you worked through it like you just did, it might seem like some silly slogan or cliche to someone who hadn't... experienced it...

Thanx for saying it so well...

Mark

[Pagekeeper]

Appendice II in the Big Book explains spiritual experiences. It is on page 567 in the 4th ed.

According to the appendice, there are two general types, but I would say even those branch off like a tree limb into numerous sub-categories.

The "burning bush" is the first type, or a "sudden and spectacular upheaval." The second is the "educational variety," that "develops slowly over a period of time." It's also described as a "profound alteration in his reaction to life."

If you still do not understand, you could try reading William James' "The Varieties of Religious Experience" in which Bill Wilson read and reread the years before he wrote the Big Book and from which these two categories were formulated.

But personally, I feel any sober alcoholic sitting in an AA meeting is a burning bush.

All quotes from Alcoholics Anonymous, 1st ed.

[Pancake]

Originally Posted by firestorm090

It just dawned on me that a spiritual awakening may not come as bolts of lightning, but instead maybe it's just a little seed, smaller than the fingernail on my pinky finger. Maybe that seed is called hope, hope that life can become full of meaning, hope that we learn to cherish life, hope that we become the best that we can become, regardless of however long that takes. It may also be that we begin to accept ourselves just as we are, warts and all, and learn to be proud of just that, not wishing to be anyone else, but to simply be at peace with who we are today. Maybe it is also the seed of our connection to others, a connection that becomes so strong that we are able to lean on one another whenever the fires, tribulations and stresses of life test our will to survive, to grow, to rise above the flames to see the clear sky above. Maybe it is also our connection to a higher power, which includes not just the God of our understanding, but also our collective humanity. Maybe the principles are meant to guide us with our relations to others, to strengthen our patience, compassion, tolerance, and love for each other and our love for the one life we have to live and the opportunity to share this journey with whomever we come in contact with. Maybe the spirit just needs to be joined with the powers of sustaining life, instead of drowning our spirit in a bottle of booze. Maybe the fire we have walked through as active alcoholics conditions us to withstand the dark side of life, to see and experience it fully firsthand, and then to find the other side, the side filled with light, love and laughter, after all the tears we've shed. Maybe our journey through the dark side helps us learn to appreciate the light, maybe we take too much for granted and feel the world owes us something, only to discover the real truth is that we are just fellow travelers on a path with many detours, many hills and valleys and many distractions along the way. Maybe a spiritual awakening is learning how to slow down, to smell the flowers, to see the sunset, to open our arms wide and embrace the fact that we're alive, that we survived and that we are no longer on a sinking ship in the middle of nowhere, but instead are on the shore with friends and loved ones. Maybe it is all of this, and so much more and maybe, just maybe, it can begin with me, a little seed that just needs some water, sunlight and care, to begin a new life right where I am today. Maybe it's that way for all of us.

Dear Firestorm,

O my Word!!! If you can have the inner strength and "wisdom" to write what you just wrote here...I would like to be so brave and bold as to say "YOU have had a Spiritual Awakening!! My Heavens, that is just a beautiful story just have just shared with us and "yourself" my friend! It sounds to me, at least that the "little seed" has already begun to NOT only GROW but FLOURISH!!! Good for you Firestorm and one day all of your searching and learning will spring up from within you and you will see just how beautiful and wonderful Sobriety really can be. All the very very best on your continued New Journey!!

Love Pancake xo

[Theresa]

Your might try listening to Eckhardt Tolle on Youtube. His approach to spiritual awakenings is very good, I think.