Recovery Humor

[Future22]

Taken from solutionnews.org:

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it."
The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"



Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "He knows when to stop."


A beer was spilt on the barroom floor,
And the bar was closed for the night...
And out of his hole, crawled a little brown mouse,
Who made a funny sight...
He lapped up that beer, on the barroom floor,
And back on his haunches he sat...
And all through the night you could hear him yell,
"Bring on the damn cat!"


A guy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the guy drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast." The guy replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if you had what I have." The bartender says "Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?"
The guy says, "Fifty cents."


This guy goes into a bar and sees a man pounding shots of bourbon as fast as the bartender can pour them. He watches for a while then finally goes up to the drunk."What kind of a way is that to drink good bourbon?" he asks.
"It's the only way I can drink it since my accident," the man replies, throwing down two more shots in fast order.
"What kind of accident was that?"
The man guzzles another shot, shudders and then answers, "I once knocked over a drink with my elbow."


My drug of choice was more.


Ask an alcoholic what time it is and he'll tell you how to build a clock

A guy goes to a friend's funeral and during the service asks the man's aunt,
"What a shame, how did he die?"
"Cirrhosis," she laments.
"That's terrible, did he ever quit drinking?"
Oh, no," she replied. "It never got that bad."

Since I've joined AA, I've gained quite a bit of weight. A friend told me it was because I didn't get as much exercise as I used to. "But I never exercised while I was still drinking," I protested. "Sure you did," he countered. "Here's the exercise program you were on:"
- Hitting the bottle
- Beating yourself up
- Bending the rules
- Stretching the truth
- Jogging your memory
- Running into trouble
- Jumping to conclusions
- Stepping on toes
- Climbing the walls
- Dodging responsibility
- Pushing your luck
- Pulling the wool over peoples eyes
- Walking all over people
- Carrying a grudge
- Throwing fits
- Picking up the pieces.

Wow! Small wonder I've put on a few pounds!

[CarolD]

Future....
Thanks for the giggles

We do have another Forum you may not have noticed

Recovery Follies - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

[todd6138]

I resemble those remarks! thanks for a laugh!