New sponsee????/

[Tazman53]

I had a young man who is in a rehab halfway house ask me to be his temporary sponsor last night, needless to say I agreed, we spoke for a good while, his anwers and attitude indicated that he is more then ready to do the work this time, this is his 3rd rehab and he told me right off the bat that this time was going to be different because he is now willing to do what it takes to stay sober. He also told me he was on step 3 with his counselor but quickly told me that he would understand if we started back at step 1.

Okay here is where I am in kind of a quandry, one of my other sponsee's who he has not met yet has told me on several occasions that he feels he is ready to sponsor some one, I totally concur with him, he has taken the steps, he is applying them to all areas of his every day life, he walks the walk as well as talks the talk.

Man I am rambling here aren't I? LOL

Anyhow this sponsee is 28, drugs were a major part of his story for quite a few years until his alcoholism took full control, this new young man is 20 & he was really heavy into drugs as well as alcohol.

Okay............ I think I have laid the ground work here, where I am in a quandry is would it be wrong of me to introduce the 2 of them and see if they gel?

I see them as having far more in common and far closer in age, but then again this new sponsee may want more of a father figure and in that case I would fit the bill.

I certainly do not want to push this young man away, he really is a good person and for right now says he is willing to do the work and he did ask me.....

LOL Man I need to pray on this more and talk to both of them.

What I want for this young man is what he seeks in a sponsor..... the question is, is it God's will, if it is Gods will for me to be his sponsor well obviously the question is answered, but it may not be Gods will, His will may be that my other sponsee should be his sponsor.

Wow I am sure taking something really simple and making it hard!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Does this young man have a father?


Might be a good project for the 28 year old to sponsor someone.

[Tazman53]

Yes he has a father, but he has been thrown out of the house, he told me he was going to speak to them and see if after 2 months sober he can come home......

Another question, would it be wrong of me after speaking to the sponsee to talk to his parents?

[Pagekeeper]

I'd say to definitely introduce them--even if they don't form a sponsor/sponcee relationship, they are close in age and can maybe help one another out. I have friends in the program that are just as crucial to me as my sponsor because my sponsor has a life (how dare her! ) and I can't always get ahold of her. So it's good to have a network, methinks.

[jimhere]

Taz,

One reason why I don't immediately say yes to everyone. But you already agreed to help this guy, so it is a little late to back out now.

Have a good long talk, find out all you can about the protege' as per Chapter 7, and then say "Yes I will help you," or "I don't think I'm the one for you, but there is someone you should meet."

I don't believe I'm supposed to sponsor everyone that asks me. I used to think that, and the end result was I got burned out.
Jim

[shaun00]

ummmm..awkward one and i see your point.

The first thing is he asked YOU....and i guess he asked you for a reason.

YOU have something he wants.....He has heard you share and is seeing you walk the walk...Maybe he does see you as a father figure..

BUT the point im making is he asked YOU for a reason....maybe with time your get to that reason..

Yeah sure i would introduce the guys.....can only benefit all round.

And maybe if you are temparary he will move on to this other sponsee..??

But then thats his choice.

Id run with it and see if the answer comes with time....trucker

[PaulN]

Taz - how wild is this, I went through an identical situation last night myself! Same thoughts, feelings & attitudes as you ... same plan ... more prayer! lol

Without a doubt, introduce them. I'm doing that too. I agreed to be a TEMP sponsor ... means I accept at any time with no thoughts or discussion, the new prospects right to move on to something more permanent or to something that just fits or feels better ... the key, getting into the steps now.

One of the prayers I'm praying right now, God help me to not try to direct this opportunity but rather to just be happy that you've allowed me to be a part of it. It seems to be helping me.

Introductions will happen tonight when we all hit the same meeting. Once I've done that, God gets to steer it.

Absolutely amazing how God works in my life!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

I had to go back an look

You did say temporary sponsor.

[navysteve]

I don't believe I'm supposed to sponsor everyone that asks me.

Absolutely correct Jim. I can't be all things to all people but:
I try not to put myself in a box of who I can and cannot help in AA. I have sponsored a doctor, a homosexual, and an Army Officer ( pretty diverse group)

You already agreed as Jim pointed out. One thing I like to do when I am fortunate enough to have multiple sponsees is we do alot together, we often will take our third step together as well ( 5th is still a private one). I have seen men bond in a way that is real tight. Some men that I have done this with become like brothers.

And as always, let him know that he can end the sponsee/ sponsor relationship at any time. I am sure you will bring alot to this man. Our common suffering is only a piece of the puzzle, if he is asking you because he sees in you THE SOLUTION then all will be well. If he is asking you because the halfway house insists that he have a sponsor then you will find out soon enough and move on.

[jimhere]

You're right Captain. Taz did say temporary sponsor. That changes things.

I never say yes to the "temporary sponsor" thing. A guy is either in all the way or he is not.

[nelco]

This is my experience on this and I am always helping someone and grateful to do it....

If I am sponsoring a few people / taking them through the steps and some one else asks me to sponsor them, I have to ask myself a few questions like.....can I give this person the time they need etc. If I take on too much ..someone always losses out, and its usually me. Am i putting my recovery first, because if I get burnt out, I am no good to help anyone, and I could do more harm than good....I cannot split myself into small pieces and still find time for my family, my work, myself, my own recovery. I like to be well enough spiritually to help members and for that to happen I have to know my limits. What I usually say is "I am sponsoring 2 or 3 (whatever I can manage) people at the moment and I just wouldn't be able to give you the time I would like too ,or you deserve.....but let me help you find a sponsor or can I suggest one, mean while ring me anytime for a chat. I often introduce members to each other that have lots in common, tell them to catch a coffee together or whatever... but I don't mention sponsorship at that point, I just watch the relationship develop or not, its their choice.

Another question, would it be wrong of me after speaking to the sponsee to talk to his parents?

Why would you do that??

[shaun00]

Has anyone read "12 step sponsorship..how it works"..

Its a hazeldean publication.......i have found it useful at times.

[nelco]

there is also an A.A pamphlet.......sponsorship, questions and answers. I usually give it to people looking for a sponsor

[navysteve]

I stick with the AA pamphlet and my own experience. Not that I am against any Hazeldon publications. I still read my 24 Hours a day and Little Red Book

[Tazman53]

I'd say to definitely introduce them--even if they don't form a sponsor/sponcee relationship, they are close in age and can maybe help one another out. I have friends in the program that are just as crucial to me as my sponsor because my sponsor has a life (how dare her! ) and I can't always get ahold of her. So it's good to have a network, methinks.

Very true, I already spoke to the sponsee and he said he will be sure to be to the next meeting to where they can meet, he said the same thing you said, he can still be a solid part of the new mans network. As a matter of fact I emphasixed with him how important it was for me to develop a network as well as how hard yet crucial it was for me to get into the habit of calling people in the rooms.

Have a good long talk, find out all you can about the protege' as per Chapter 7, and then say "Yes I will help you," or "I don't think I'm the one for you, but there is someone you should meet."

I don't believe I'm supposed to sponsor everyone that asks me. I used to think that, and the end result was I got burned out.

I totally agree Jim, we have spoken quite a bit over the last 2 months and one of my other sponsees has known him for years. As you already saw he did ask me to be his "Temporary sponsor" which is why I agreed so quickly, I should find out rather quickly if he is as serious as he seemed to be, I asked him if he had a BB, he said he did, I suggested he start off reading "The Doctors Opinion" and to call me today and we can discuss if & how he relates to it. He said "Oh you mean Dr. Silkworth don't you?". Showed me he had been reading the BB which is an indicator of a want for what we have. I had already "qualified him before he asked me anyhow, we have probably spoken for 3 hours all total over the last 2 months, but I would have not agreed to be his "Sponsor" last night, but would have told him I will be your "Temporary sponsor" and we will go from there.

The first thing is he asked YOU....and i guess he asked you for a reason.

YOU have something he wants.....He has heard you share and is seeing you walk the walk...Maybe he does see you as a father figure..

Yes he did trucker, and you are right, he told me the reason he had asked me was because of my shares and how he did relate to me, he did not say as a father figure, but if that is it and it works so be it. As you said Trucker, I will run with it and see what God has in mind.

Taz - how wild is this, I went through an identical situation last night myself! Same thoughts, feelings & attitudes as you ... same plan ... more prayer! lol

Without a doubt, introduce them. I'm doing that too. I agreed to be a TEMP sponsor ... means I accept at any time with no thoughts or discussion, the new prospects right to move on to something more permanent or to something that just fits or feels better ... the key, getting into the steps now.

One of the prayers I'm praying right now, God help me to not try to direct this opportunity but rather to just be happy that you've allowed me to be a part of it. It seems to be helping me.

Introductions will happen tonight when we all hit the same meeting. Once I've done that, God gets to steer it.

Paul that is neat, we will have to keep in touch and see where God takes this.

You already agreed as Jim pointed out. One thing I like to do when I am fortunate enough to have multiple sponsees is we do alot together, we often will take our third step together as well ( 5th is still a private one). I have seen men bond in a way that is real tight. Some men that I have done this with become like brothers.

Steve I am doing that with 2 other sponsee's right now, they are both on step 4, you are right, they have a very strong bond with each other.

And as always, let him know that he can end the sponsee/ sponsor relationship at any time. I am sure you will bring alot to this man. Our common suffering is only a piece of the puzzle, if he is asking you because he sees in you THE SOLUTION then all will be well. If he is asking you because the halfway house insists that he have a sponsor then you will find out soon enough and move on.

He knows he can end it any time with no hard feelings, I have a feeling that the reason he picked me was for the solution...... but he did tell me that the halfway house requires him to have a sponsor, he said he wanted to try and get the right one the first time, but for now he is going with me because he says he sees in me something he wants. It humbles me that he feels that way, I have come a long ways, but I still have a long way to go.


I want you ALL to know I really appreciate all of your ES&H on this, you are all awesome!

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by trucker

Has anyone read "12 step sponsorship..how it works"..

Its a hazeldean publication.......i have found it useful at times.

Nothing against Hazelden, but we already have a pretty good guide for sponsorship. It is blue and says "Alcoholics Anonymous" on the cover.

[Tazman53]

If I am sponsoring a few people / taking them through the steps and some one else asks me to sponsor them, I have to ask myself a few questions like.....can I give this person the time they need etc. If I take on too much ..someone always losses out, and its usually me. Am i putting my recovery first, because if I get burnt out, I am no good to help anyone, and I could do more harm than good....I cannot split myself into small pieces and still find time for my family, my work, myself, my own recovery. I like to be well enough spiritually to help members and for that to happen I have to know my limits. What I usually say is "I am sponsoring 2 or 3 (whatever I can manage) people at the moment and I just wouldn't be able to give you the time I would like too ,or you deserve.....but let me help you find a sponsor or can I suggest one, mean while ring me anytime for a chat. I often introduce members to each other that have lots in common, tell them to catch a coffee together or whatever... but I don't mention sponsorship at that point, I just watch the relationship develop or not, its their choice.

Good advice Nelco, right now I have one sponsee who has taken all the steps and is doing very well, 2 others that I am taking through the steps together that are doing well, I will have to draw the line for now with this one new guy and see where things go.

[shaun00]

Originally Posted by jimhere

Nothing against Hazelden, but we already have a pretty good guide for sponsorship. It is blue and says "Alcoholics Anonymous" on the cover.

..

Thanks for the heads up......

[Ago]

Hey Taz

What came up for me when I read your initial post was, "yeah, introduce them" and then "Let Go and Let God"

It seems you and everyone here is over analyzing this thing to death.

If you sponsor him...great, if your sponsee sponsors him, great.

If someone else sponsors him...great.

If he doesn't stay sober, great, you stayed sober.

My job is to fling sh1t against the wall, I'm not in charge of adhesion.

I never know what my job or impact is going to be in someone else's life. Sometimes it's by being "the wise man" sometimes it's by being "the fool"

I have a close friend with 16 years, he is HUGE in the local fellowship in terms of being a speaker, helping others, etc. His impact locally is profound.

In his share, he talks about his first sponsor, a man he fell in love with because for the first time someone spoke his language, seemed to have all the answers, he worshiped the ground this guy walked on, until one day he saw this man drunk.

He then understood the power of this disease, he understood powerlessness, he understood no human power could relieve him of his alcoholism, that moment in time made him work his program like nothing else ever did. That moment changed his life like nothing had before in regards to alcoholism.

I was that sponsor.

We don't know God's plan Taz....Do the next right thing, be of service, make yourself available, then let go, trying to "run the show" is for practicing alcoholics, not us brother, it hurts too much.

[Tazman53]

I know Ago, I have turned it over, what His will is will be, I can plan and prepare until the cows come home, but I know ultimentaly it is all in his hands, I just try and be prepared. Well he did not call yesterday, but who knows, he might today, or he may not, that is not in my hands. If & when this young man decides to move on with his recovery is out of my hands just as much as my recovery is out of my sponsors hands.

I'll just trust in God and see where it all goes.

[Music]

Originally Posted by Tazman53

Okay............ I think I have laid the ground work here, where I am in a quandry is would it be wrong of me to introduce the 2 of them and see if they gel?

I think that's a great idea Taz. You'd still be sponsoring him through the first pigeon by way of linege. I believe anyone who's worked through the steps, or is currently actively working through the steps with his sponsor, is able to take on a pigeon.

[Tazman53]

I believe anyone who's worked through the steps, or is currently actively working through the steps with his sponsor, is able to take on a pigeon.

I feel the same way now, I had just done step 7 when my sponsor informed me that someone wanted me to sponsor them.

[PaperDolls]

There's not a problem with having more than one sponsor, is there? That's a possibility may be.

[Jfanagle]

Man oh man, after reading through all the posts written by folks far more intelligent than I, I finally came upon the last few and was relieved that my original thoughts of Taz and his sponsee both working with the new man, was not TOO FAR OFF!

I am out here on the left coast and I realize that besides being broke as a state, we are less formal than some other areas, but I think any time two good hearted SOBER members are willing to fellowship a new man, how can that NOT work?

I actually have two sponsors myself, as well as a service sponsor. These folks are invaluable to me and since we all stay sober by sharing, Taz I believe that there is no greater gift you can give than that of the opportunity for your sponsee to walk this new member through the steps and with you at his elbow, your new man will get the old "double mint" bonus.

What a great problem to have!!

Best of luck,

Jon

[Tommyh]

Taz,I am in a situation now about sponsee`s.I really hate to say no to a guy who looks to me he is ready.
I have taken on 2 new guys in the last week,have 2 more on step 4,and one just starting out on steps 10-12.
whew!
here is what I decided to do.
I made up a phone list,my sponsor at the top,then my name and then all the guys I sponsor.
I`m gonna check with them and then give out the list to the new guys.Hopefully they will call someone on that list if they need to talk.I also have a couple of guys who has been thru the steps and we are going to try and get those 3 or 4 newest guys together and meet once a week as a small Big Book step group.If one or all of those newest guys likes those other two guys and wants them to sponsor them,fine by me.
I recruited help because I felt like I got overloaded.The time came to become one of the "we"`s instead of the "I"`s...
..together we can do it...