Steps 4 5 and 6

[xym297]

Hi People

OK I am jumping the gun a little, only 4 days sober so long way to go day at a time etc. I have admitted I am powerless and life is unmanageble, 99% of the time I accept that the other 1%, I think no I can be OK, need to get that. I am prepared to believe in an HP and am prepared to hand that over, not there yet spirituality is something I need to put effort into.

So step 4 - I have done some bad stuff whilst drunk, but on the whole got drunk passed out not really upset too many people
step 5 - I can cope with if I can achieve 4
Step 6 - Now I'm not perfect, no one is and I do want to be a better, kinder, more thoughtful person. But character defects, I drink to excess but beyond that I feel my character is fairly well balaced, room for improvement need to be more grateful, but defects?

Anyway getting ahead of myself, I know and will need to work these with a sponsor but know I am projecting, but do need to think about these things and my journey to a better life, thinking about a happy future works for me in as much as just for today does.

Anyway Thanks for reading, any views would be appreciated.

[navysteve]

Hello from across the pond. The steps are the answer to the drink problem. It is ok to have questions about them. I look at defects as instincts which have far exceeded their true purpose. It allows me to look at them more objectively, without getting into that whole "what me? defects???? I don't think so!" ( by the way, I learned that obstinacy is a defect). A question, have you read the Big Book???? Page 64 talks about the 4th step at length. YOu are not jumping the gun by wanting to get started on the steps, you are gambling with your sobriety by not starting the steps.

[tommyk]

Anyway getting ahead of myself...

Please start with step 1, and as you progress, do each step as if there were no following steps.

Perform each step as though it were the final step and don't look ahead.

(I looked ahead and convinced myself that I couldn't do the steps, and I did the same thing as a college freshman when I looked over the classes I needed to take as a college senior - it all appeared so impossible. But I built upon what I learned step by step and everything was MUCH easier.)

Give it a try!

[lizw]

Dunno if you have the book '12 steps and 12 traditions' but I swear nearly everything you said about yourself is in there. If you don't have one, get one and read steps 4,5 and 6 in there. You'll be surprised.

[Blake'sTyger]

I clicked on your thread because I'm just starting my sixth step, having just finished four and five.

297, it's excellent that you're taking a look at the steps, and thereby taking a look at yourself. I do feel compelled to give one piece of advice: Go through the Steps one by one, in order, patiently, with a sponsor.

I've tried it both ways-- with a sponsor, and on my own doing recovery readings. Without going through them each in their own time, the steps can seem hokey...quaint... at least, that was how it seemed to me. Good stuff in there, but taken with a large grain of salt.

Trust me when I say that there's a huge "Holy Sh*t!" factor when you do each step slowly and completely, with the advice of someone who's been through it before.

Gotta run, but I wish you a tremendous amount of luck and spirit,

B'sT

[Sheryl85]

I had a very good sponsor who helped me as I worked my way through the Steps the first time. Later I attended a Step Study where I learned more information on working them even better. One of the helpful bits of information given me was a way to break the Steps into segments such as:

Steps One, Two and Three are the “Giving Up” Steps;
Four, Five, and Six are the “Cleaning Up” Steps;
Seven, Eight, and Nine are the “Making Up” Steps;
Ten, Eleven, and Twelve are the “Keeping Up” Steps.

For me the main objectives of Steps Four and Five are that if I can’t learn from my past, I can’t expect to change my future. These two Steps are a fact finding mission for me. In Step Four I do the inventory from my perspective and Step Five helps me because when I share it with someone else, they may pick up on the patterns that I may have missed. It also exposes certain aspects of my life in stark relief that I need to look at which in turn allows me to learn humility and helps me in making that list of character defects I want rid of later.

Now days I try to attend a yearly Step Study. For a new person in the Program I always suggest they get with folks who have worked the Steps and listen to what they have learned. Most important though is what has been said already . . . the Steps are written in the order that we should work them. If we skip any of them we might be setting ourselves up for failure.

[RufusACanal]

Originally Posted by xym297

Hi People

OK I am jumping the gun a little, only 4 days sober so long way to go day at a time etc. Anyway getting ahead of myself, I know and will need to work these with a sponsor .

Welcome xym.

I believe you have stated it fairly here; jumping the gun at four days and lack of a Sponsor. I would start in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, The Doctor's Opinion and read through More About Alcoholism; if time permits, I would suggest reading this daily for awhile. I would also purchase a Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for more information on Steps One - Three.

My foundation started successfully with the First Step and only when worked with another sober human like a Sponsor. To be successful going forward, I must be willing to be done drinking as well as recognize my complete lack of management. There is much more to acceptance than the easily phrased, " I know I am Alcoholic and I need to stop drinking".

Become grounded in the First Step and then start on the Second; there is a good and simple reason the Steps are in order. At four days, I would expect that your mind has not had the chance to clear much and anything more than this good beginning may be water over the dam. I do wish you well and a big congrats on 96 hours of your New Life!

[Pagekeeper]

There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting to understand the steps before you decide to make them part of your recovery and life, but I'm not really sure what your question is . . . is it that you don't think you have character defects?

Having character defects doesn't mean you're a bad person. It just means you're human.

I learned what my defects were in column four (4th step) when I had to think about the role I played in every situation. Sometimes that role was being a hypocrite (because I had done the same thing I was resentful for) and other times it was something more direct.

[Tazman53]

xym you have gotten some sage advice, you remind me a great deal of myself, I was one of those folks where the cliche "Take it easy." applied so well. When I got sober I wanted to have worked all the steps and have 20 years of peace, serenity, & sobriety in my first week sober!!!

As others have said I found taking the steps with a sponsor one at a time and in order to be what worked for me. Oh trust me I sat down many an evening before I took the steps with my sponsor taking the steps on my own....... nothing really wrong with that, but I found that "I" really short changed myself doing them on my own.

Taking them with the guidance, ES&H of some one who has not only taken all the steps but has some time applying those steps made a world of difference.

I would highly suggest going to some step study meetings and seeking a sponsor there, some one who has what you want and walks the walk as well as talks the talk.