Getting past major AA resentments how?

[Katie09]

Well, I have really screwed up this week and now have another AA person to add to my list of those who have messed with my head and just basically been horrible to contend with. I know the answer is to stick with the women, but I have had a couple of guy friends in the program (still do have one good guy friend in AA). At any rate, I am feeling backed into a corner on this one - no life, no job, no SO, no children, living in a place I can't stand, only one SMART meeting a week I can go to, so I am in the position where I think I am going to have to go to AA. How do I get rid of all the baggage in the past and just approach it without thinking about all the misery I've dealt with as a result of meeting certain people in the program. The truth is I do have one woman I know here who is a lovely person who goes to AA. My friend up in the Bay Area - I only knew him to two months when he lived here and I met him in AA and he is a wonderful person. How can I get all this crap out of my head so I can go to meetings and not just cringe? Thanks.

[doorknob]

A lot of different people go to AA for a lot of different reasons. You really can't put them all in the same cookie cutter just like you can't put all alcoholics in the same cookie cutter. How is the SMART meeting? Wish we had one here...

You used to live in the Bay Area, right? I grew up there.

[Katie09]

Originally Posted by doorknob

A lot of different people go to AA for a lot of different reasons. You really can't put them all in the same cookie cutter just like you can't put all alcoholics in the same cookie cutter. How is the SMART meeting? Wish we had one here...

You used to live in the Bay Area, right? I grew up there.

Hey, congrats on starting your new LR meeting up there! I sure wish I lived there. The SMART meeting was very small but I liked it. This woman I know from AA is coming over this afternoon and we're going to go to an AA meeting. I know I should only think of the good people I've met there, but my mind just wanders back in horror to a handful of men I met there and ending up with a broken rib, being intimidated into handing over a big check to an active crack user and then the nightmare of this week. I wish there were a way to just erase these things from my mind. I think I will have a new rule going forward that I don't talk to any men in AA.

[CarolD]

Glad you have decided to stick with the women
for your new start on sobriety.

For dealing with resentments...please check out
"Freedom From Bondage" in our BB.

Best of luck...

[Astro]

Originally Posted by Katie09

How do I get rid of all the baggage in the past and just approach it without thinking about all the misery I've dealt with as a result of meeting certain people in the program.

Recovery's a slow process Katie. Some of us come to terms with our baggage by taking and practicing the 12 Steps, and with prayer and meditation. Some use yoga, other recovery programs, exercise, etc. But it takes time, effort, and commitment.

I've been at this for almost 4 years and still carry around resentments. Some days I add to the pile, other days I make amends and lighten the mental load. And no matter what, I always have to remember that my recovery is about me, not about people in the program who have a negative effect on me.

[Katie09]

Originally Posted by CarolD

Glad you have decided to stick with the women
for your new start on sobriety.

For dealing with resentments...please check out
"Freedom From Bondage" in our BB.

Best of luck...

Thanks, Carol. My friend's name is Carol too!

I am a tough nut to crack, but I am backed into a corner on this one. I think I am going to have to find a way to forget about stuff, but right now I don't know how.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by Katie09

I think I will have a new rule going forward that I don't talk to any men in AA.

Excellent idea!

[Freedom1990]

I've had coworkers that I had bad experiences with. I didn't judge the company I worked for as a whole because of those bad apples.

I also remember I certainly didn't come into AA as a shining example of mental wellness and stability, and am continually aware of the folks around me.

I think staying away from the men is a good idea! :ghug :ghug

[James13]

I suppose try not to generalize about people and judge them based on the generalizations. Of course, this goes for anything.

I attend some meetings, and I don't "approve" of what some people do, but some might not approve of me either. I thought AA was about putting differences aside and working with other people towards a common goal of bettering themselves without judging each other.

[RufusACanal]

Katie09,

I appreciate your posting this thread. I have sent you the text concerning the story CarolD mentioned; I do hope it helps. I am unclear what has happened to you, but I do know there are women who will lift you and help you. You do have options for the good regardless of how tough it might feel today. I wish you well in all.

[RufusACanal]

Alcoholics Anonymous Original Manuscript

Page 64:3

Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up."

[sugErspun]

Katie - if you plan on taking the steps (what AA is really about), just let loose about AA, men, all of it on your fourth step.

If you have a solid 1,2,3 steps - the resentments you have will disappear. Part of the whole process.

Take care,

[bballdad]

katie,I`m not trying to be a wise guy when I say this,but if I was a woman and had all that trouble with the guys,I belive I would leave them alone for a while.
When I was new,I had to treat you ladies just like alcohol and drugs,don`t mess with the first one and I won`t have to worry about all those problems asociated with them.
Thats what I did and focused on staying sober,at any costs.It was worth every bit of it.

[tommyk]

I discovered that my resentments were all about my ego.

How dare someone insult me! The audacity of some people! Me, me, me....

Once I discovered humility and got rid of my ego I learned that 99% of them weren't trying to insult me at all.

And the other 1%... well I'm not really important enough to worry about them.

(So, your recovery is going to be based on not speaking to 50% of the people in society?)

[bob_sapp]

how bout just go to your home group for awhile, and chair it every single week until the resentments subside?

[BP44]

Awesome thread. We are the only people in the world that will come to a place like AA dying of a 100% fatal disease that is uncurable and say, " You people aren't doing it right. You need to change this and that and quit doing this and that, afterall, I see no need for me to change" " If you would all change to suit my needs, I'd be alright" But this is all to often what we do. I had to be reminded that AA didn't come by my house on a membership drive. I was told pretty early on that feelings weren't facts and that people didn't really care how I felt. They also were quite clear that they didn't care what I thought that if I knew anything at all, I wouldn't be there. What they did care about was was I did. My actions and mine alone were what mattered. I was also reminded that they all knew how to get drunk. The question was did I know how to get and stay sober. At that point I got rid of the phrases "I know" and "yes but". When I was willing to have a competent recovered alcoholic take me through the steps my untreated alcoholism was finally addressed. Inventory freed me from all resentments and became a tool that I continue to use today. One of the beauties of the process is that I became a part of the group and a part of the world. No greater, no less than. I was on even soil with my fellow man. I found that when I accepted you as you are, as the child of God you are, I belonged. And here I had spent my entire life thinking that you had to accept me for me to belong. And not only that, that you had to change for me to be okay. See, the truth is, and this is an invariable truth, I am the one that needs transforming. I am the only one that profits or pays.