abuse of the got up earlier than you so i got more sobriety

[bbfan]

I attend this noon meeting since i sponsor this newcomer. At that meeting there is a guy that regularly slips and he keep sharing at meetings this .... I had a slip last week but i have been up since 5 this morning so i am probably the one who has the most sobriety of this all room. All we have is one day i have 25 years in the program but all we have in one day.....he s been saying that over and over again.

I think that that statement has gone out of hand and i hear other people saying the same thing at other meetings by slippers.

My sponsee is listening to that and i tell her. dont believe that crap. If everybody would only want one day only... everybody would give up their time... no way... i dont want just one day... i want long time sobriety but hearing that over and over is getting very annoying

would like to hear some feedback about that

[Dee74]

I never use days (or hours LOL) as any diecast measure of 'most sobriety' or recovery quality anyway.

If you're looking at it that way, you don't really understand recovery IMO.

But if I took this logic to its conclusion then I'd have more sobriety than nearly everyone, cos I'm in Australia...and it's tomorrow

LOL I'm not buying it.

D

[stone]

Yea, it is like using the ODAAT approach to justify drinking, load a baloney.

[dgillz]

He may have more sobriety today than anyone in the room. But that's it. Point this out to him and see if you can get him to embrace the program.

[nelco]

ah bless him...he is really clutching straws. I always tell new members to try and remember that everyone that walks in the door of AA is not "in recovery" and some people are still guite sick...........I also try to get the new member to try hear people they can identify with...instead of judging the people they cant. AA is full of people trying to get well....some take longer than others. some people I find am attracted their recovery and want what they have and some i am not....so take what you like and leave the rest!! There is a lot more to recovery than putting down the drink

[tommyk]

When someone is 'wowed' by my amount of clean/sober time, and they proclaim that they 'only' have 30 days (or whatever) I often tell them that if they got up earlier than I did today then they have more clean time than me because it is a 'just for today' program, one day at a time, etc.

It is a nice gesture to let people know we are all the same in spite of our differences, I guess?

[tiburon88]

I tend to agree with him. It is a one day at a time program.


tib

[Ago]

It is a one day at a time program, but my "sobriety" today isn't really "sobriety" if I have a hangover.

It's not a race, it's not a contest, but it does help if you string a few 24 hours together, the "one day at a time" concept was put in place to not worry about the future, not bullshit about your past.

I have also said encouraging things to newcomers like Tommy has done, but people that use it to cosign their own BS amuse me, I swear sometimes alcoholics complicate the simplest crap, like for example:

If the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, then all your problems look like nails....

Seems simple right?

I bet we could get into a "heated discussion" about that very simple statement, someone saying their hammer is "God powered", someone else jumping in saying it's powered by synapses that fire in the brain, that if you believe in a God Powered hammer you are a superstitious religious crackpot, someone else jumping in and saying "you're all missing the point, we're dealing with screws and nuts, hammers don't work on nuts", someone jumping in offering to hit someone with their hammer, a few posters saying their hammer is bigger then your hammer and offering to show it to you, someone pulling a PDF of instructions on how to use a hammer, someone else piping in saying hammers don't work anyway.......

It's a F'ing Hammer for crying out loud, it has no moving parts, it works well for the right job, poorly for the wrong job, use it wrong, it will hurt you.

Kinda like the Program itself.

Sometimes I watch people who can't find their a$$ with both hands and a map and wonder if it's on purpose.

All we have is today, but to use that statement to further your own denial is futile and dangerous in my opinion.

[stone]

Originally Posted by Ago

the "one day at a time" concept was put in place to not worry about the future, not bullshit about your past.

Yep. It is to take pressure off, to stop people being overwhelmed by the thought of never drinking again at the beginning of sobriety.

[Tazman53]

bbfan the only person I ever heard use that statement was a guy who had just picked up his 33 year chip!!! I was new in sobriety and I was actually in totally awe of this man simply due to the amount of time he had sober at the time. When he said that to me it got across to me a very important message.... in a nut shell he was sayinig that if I stay in today and not worry about tomorrow or forever I too could find my self picking up a 33 year chip (If I live that long! LOL)

I have never heard a chronic relapser or even some one who just came back in use that statement.

[Rusty Zipper]

so thats where that guy wound up...

wondered where he went...

he may say he has more sobriety for the day...

well!!!

how bout recovery Mr Jaywalker!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

The idea is not to forget what kept you sober yesterday and apply it today.

We can't rest on our laurels , we have to continue to grow in AA.

If, we forget history, we're doomed to repeat it

[espresso]

The program of AA gives me a daily reprieve from my illness. If I pick up today then even though I've been up since 4am, I am not the most sober person here. If I pick up I ain't even sober.

[RufusACanal]

Maybe a cup of coffee with this man, his sponsor, you and your sponsor might be order; coupled with prayer. Never hurts to face life's dilemmas with tolerance, love and a clear voice. If this is not an option, make this a topic at a meeting. Also, if you have Group Consciousness meetings, highlight it there if nothing else works. Finally, does it really matter what this guy says? What others think of me, what others say about me is truly none of my business. Maybe this guy is the example of insanity that others need to understand their Alcoholism more readily. Step back, pray; ask for direction and something will come to resolve this within you. Good thread! Best to you!

[lizw]

Interesting topic.

One of AA friends talks about how there are a lot of half truths in AA and I always shrink in to a corner when she starts on this rant because while I believe her, it doesn't make her popular etc....

One of them is 'the person who got up earliest is sober the longest'. Like someone else on here pointed out, a day at a time is the reminder to keep our emotions into today - not the past or the future. It is not meant to be used to escape the feelings that go along with slipping or early soberity.

Another one is 'the doors of AA swing both ways'. She really gets going on this one because if we are powerless over alcohol, will we really get 'the choice' to return to AA?

She's got a bunch of others she goes on about which right now I can't remember but I think a lot of the slogans and/or AA sayings are used out of context. For example telling someone they are as sick as their secrets as a way to get them to do a fourth step from the floor (for want of a better expression).

[TTOSBT]

I love that Ago!!!!!!!!

[McGowdog]

Originally Posted by tiburon88

I tend to agree with him. It is a one day at a time program.


tib

You really said this? Wow. That's special.

When I first saw the thread title, I assumed it was coming from the old timer and they were saying it out of humility and there was no need to reply.

Now, I'm thinkin', :wtf2 Someone would actually say this? And someone on here would actually agree with it? That is special.

This just solidifies why I love my homegroup meeting. We have a chair picker who selects who will chair the next week's meeting. That chair person comes to a meeting with a select topic and some experience on that topic, then 3 minutes meditation, then they call on people to share. The one who's new probably gets called last to share, depending on the flow of the meeting and if they have no exerience on the topic, they get to share from where they are at... then 30 minutes of crossfire.

If someone said something like that in our meeting, he'd feel like an Hors D'Ouevres because he'd get his AGHGHG$$ ate up.

[navysteve]

One day at a time is not about only having a day of sobriety, it is a way of life, a mantra if you will which is supposed to help us live in the here and now.

A sobriety date is little more than a date on a calendar. My sponsor got sober in the 50's and one of the biggest reasons he does not share too often is because of the value people place on his words, due to his time.

We place people with time on pedestals in AA far too often. WE should remember that we are all too human.

[bob_sapp]

I've met guys with 20+ years in AA who behave worse than any newcomer, and guys with 3 months who give it 100% and are living the program. Getting another year sober is great but it's only a small yardstick for progress in AA, the most important milestones are harder to pin down. There's no medallion for when you stop being an a$$hole.

[FightingIrish]

There isn't? Someone said to me, "whaddaya want, a frickin' medal?" I said yes and have been waiting ever since.

There's no medallion for when you stop being an a$$hole.

[sailorjohn]

Not sure how I would respond, ditto what the others have said, would also include that living in the moment, or today, is probably a pretty good way to run your life.

Sat at a table with one newcomer tonight, the guy across from me-not the new guy-is a chronic relapser, he was joking about the cops chasing him before the meeting started tonight.

Hopefully the newcomer saw enough hope at the table-minus the bs-where he'll keep coming back, he was in pretty rough shape, and looked desperate enough. And he got enough good solid advice from at least several of us.

Yeah, it was pretty galling watching the chronic relapser give a copy of the 3rd step prayer to the new guy and relating how it had kept him sober.

[shaun00]

ummmm...this stuff bounced around makes me crinch as well.

The guy that churns this stuff out and keeps drinking is not at fault really imo.

Just sick and frighten i would have thought.

Maybe you could suggest to him a decent sponsor?

I used to spout it for a few months..........gave me an excuse to act like a idiot one day.......and permission to forget about it the next...

most of it born out of fear that i was gonna drink again........so ill just repeat the same bs everyone else was.....

Do i count months and years........sure...im proud of it and amazed.

Does it matter........not really..........change matters..........imo.

We all know the guy with twenty..........married ...still chasing women or acting like a drunk.

Change matters to me.....in fact its fundemental.....i dont ever want to be the old me.

trucker

[jimhere]

Time away from a drink is not status, although many, both newcomers and old-timers alike view it that way.

The Power of God rendered me sober on January 15th, 1991. I don't say that to impress you with me. I say it to impress you with the fact that permanent recovery is possible. As a friend of mine says, it isn't a statement about me, it is a statement about the Power of God.
Jim

[justanothrdrunk]

I met a guy while in treatment the last time and we became good friends. He got there about 2 weeks before me and had about 2 weeks more sober time than me.

From time to time (mostly in a joking way, but still...) he would remind me that, no matter what, he'll always have more sober time than me.

He relapsed in December and committed suicide a couple weeks ago. His memorial was just this past Sunday.

I don't know what that means or how it relates to the OP exactly, but I'm seeing some similarities here.

Part of me thinks it's a guy thing. Everything is a contest. And I have to compare myself to others in order to feel good - or some such. I don't think this (in general) is very healthy.

[McGowdog]

Originally Posted by bob_sapp

I've met guys with 20+ years in AA who behave worse than any newcomer, and guys with 3 months who give it 100% and are living the program...

So have I, but not guys who work steps on a yearly basis. We've got a guy with 30 years of sobriety and he's doing fine. He doen't get nicer and nicer and more polite everyday, and we don't expect him to. He still has an edge to him, and that's what I kind of like about him. He's real. But he's very fair and has much wisdom.

Originally Posted by bob_sapp

There's no medallion for when you stop being an a$$hole.

Well, I don't think there should be a medallion for being super nice either. Nice drunks scare me. I always smell more.

Originally Posted by justanothrdrunk

From time to time (mostly in a joking way, but still...) he would remind me that, no matter what, he'll always have more sober time than me.

He relapsed in December and committed suicide a couple weeks ago. His memorial was just this past Sunday.

Sorry to hear that. That's a sad deal. In my group, we do pay a close attention to time. We don't give out chips or hugs in our meeting, but when you have a year or any multiple thereof, you get to chair the meeting and you get cake and we clap for you.

Our 30 year sober guy encourages the peers to do something together at least once a week, like go bowling or go to a treatment center meeting or go for coffee or just something. So the 4, 5, and 6 year sober guys could consider themselves peers. The less than a year sober guys or guys who are still doing the middle work for the first time (4 through 9) could hang out together.

I'm not going to judge another man's maturity in this deal until I'm willing to look at my own attitude. I've matured a good bit in the last 5 years and I have work to do. I have a wife at home that keeps me in line as much and sometimes more than any member in my AA group. We sleep together. She's the one who REALLY has to live with me. But at the same time, in doing steps and helping other drunks find this path, we're always encouraged to be genuine, tell the truth and be yourself.