Al Anon

[CAPTAINZING2000]

How many of you attend meetings?

I'm not sponsoring anyone right now. Sadly our Al Anon meetings we had here in town has dies.

I always felt, at least in part becuase of my kids might be in AA at some point. I was taking my youngest son to meetings before he left for Afghanistan some as part of a condition of him staying with me cause of his coming home drunk etc.


Any comments???

[lizw]

I been sober 10 years and have also been a member of Al Anon for 4 or 5 of those years. I swear by it. And even though I am an alcoholic, I have an Al Anon sponsor and have done for a few years now.

My family is crazy and all my relationships (except the last one) have been with other alcoholics (the last one was addicted to porn!).

At a meeting I went to recently an Al Anon old timer said "Some people think we come to Al Anon to learn how to feed ourselves the biggest piece of the pie instead of the smallest, which is not true. We come to Al Anon to learn how to serve out equal slices to everyone, ourselves included."

I swear by Al Anon and if anyone I meet in recovery is struggling with relationships, I always suggest Al Anon. I have also found it easier to make female friends there, rather than AA. Dunno what that is about.

[Astro]

Thanks for your share Liz, that's gotta be the simplest message I've ever heard passed along about why every alcoholic should, at the very least, try a few Al-Anon meetings.

After a year of sobriety I went to my first one. Scared to death, afraid they were gonna drag my alcoholic butt out to the parking lot to tar & feather me.
What I found instead (naturally) was love, warmth, compassion, understanding, tolerance, and a whole bunch of other good stuff. I kept going for a few months, and then I got into a relationship with another Al-Anon.

Originally Posted by lizw

I swear by Al Anon and if anyone I meet in recovery is struggling with relationships, I always suggest Al Anon. I have also found it easier to make female friends there, rather than AA. Dunno what that is about.

I'm sure I could've stuck with Al-Anon, but I decided to try CoDA. What I'm sharing is just my experience, remember that I will always support Al-Anon, but for me CoDA was a better fit, it just felt perfectly right from my first meeting and continues to do so today. My opinion concerning myself is that I learned to focus on loving myself and having healthy and loving relationships with others in that program, while in Al-Anon I was coming to terms with the effects I'd had on others while "in" my disease.

So that's where I'm at today. A lover of Al-Anon, but a regular attendee and member of CoDA.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

thanks for your sharing

I'm sad that, ours has withered up here. I feel it'd help me to be a better person

Our loss in the community

[laurie6781]

On my THIRD AA Birthday, I say that my sponsor STRONGLY SUGGESTED that I start attending AlAnon immediately.

In reality what she said was:

"Happy 3rd Birthday. NOW, I WANT YOU TO START ATTENDING ALANON IN ADDITION TO AA. I WANT YOU TO START TODAY and I WANT YOU TO ALSO GET AN ALANON SPONSOR. Now get your azz to a meeting."

Gulp. I was married to a sober alkie and I was already sponsoring and Bev and Hugh both felt that it would only help. Guess I really wasn't 'well' yet, roflmao

You know what? They were right!!!!!!

Gave me a bit different 'perspective' of the 12 steps that has only been an asset in my life and not a hindrance.

Yep, I am one of those 'double winners.'

Also, I have several friends that made it to AA through the back doors of AlAnon, lol

Love and hugs,

[CAPTAINZING2000]

maybe, i should try and start one up again !!

[splendra]

I think there is a little bit of codie in every addict...

[CarolD]

I did use Al anon when I was dealing with 2 of my
childrens various addictions.

It was immensley helpful..

[Tazman53]

When my daughter in law called about my son and his alcoholism, I suggested Alanon to her and my sponsor suggested I check out Alanon and read "Working With Others" in the BB and see which one helped me the most.

Although concerned for my son, I was not effected enough by his problem for me to find benefit from Alanon. Alanon is an awesome program and trust me I would go back in a heart beat if I needed to. Who knows, I may yet go back again.

[Freedom1990]

I'm blessed in that my sponsor is black belt AA and Alanon. Sadly our Alanon group withered up and died years ago. An attempt to start one up again last year quickly fizzled out because there was no commitment with enough folks.

[lizw]

Originally Posted by Freedom1990

An attempt to start one up again last year quickly fizzled out because there was no commitment with enough folks.

In my area Al Anon struggles to get people to do service and being a double winner I can only serve at the group level. It's in their service mannual that 'double winners' can't be GR etc...

I have always found this surprising (how they find it hard to get people to serve) because in AA one of the biggest messages is 'service keeps you sober.'

I'm not saying it's a bad thing or a good thing.
Rather just an observation.

We don't have CODA here, but I have heard of it. And to be honest I felt more at home in SLAA but very few of them seem to be able to get any time up regarding their bottom lines so the meetings (in the end) felt like complaining sessions and that kind of thing isn't good for my head.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

I've been spending a lot of time in the family of substance abuse on here.

WOW!!

What an eye opener it is

We go thru our little lives, the world revolves around me etc.

If, we as alcoholics could look at the damge we cause in other people lives thru their eyes. I wonder what the result would be?

As it says in the promises, we'll gain interest in our fellows, self seeking will slip away

I never want to hurt another person thru my actions again

[MCH]

My experience with Al Anon was different. I was seeking help with my own response to my father's alcoholism and I didn't find warmth, rather hostility and aggression. It wasn't overt, rather underlying. My mother has been in the Al Anon program for almost 30 years and she remains a bitter, not better woman. I've met few people with real peace in that program and I'm grateful that being alcoholic, the taking of the steps was not an option - it was life or death. In my observation Al Anons are as sick or sicker than AAs but I've seen few take full advantage of what the steps, the actual program, has to offer. My husband calls them 'The Sisters of Perpetual Revenge'.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

If you stop and think, how an alcoholic will manipulate those that love him.

I read some of the stories on here. An alcoholic can play such a mind game with his spouse, he can make them feel it's their fault.

How sad is that, for a person to be in love with someone that abuses them and they stay with the person?

I won't do it in a friendship nor, would I do it in a relationship.

I feel for the people in Al Anon that, have put up with S/O's crap for so long they do become bitter. But, until they say enough is enough, they'll keep getting treated the same way with a lack of respect

[Jewels]

Yes, the manipulation part was and still is the hardest for me "to get" and accept that it wasn't love or caring, but it was scheming and dealing simply for his own selfish needs.

Alanon let me talk and get all my confusion/anger out of my system. However, I still wanted to believe that the alcoholic was and had been doing things and saying things for 'our' benefit, not mostly 'his' benefit. You're right it was a mind game!

I loved and stayed much too long! I didn't even realize that I was being abused. Even today I wonder if all was my fault.

He finally left so now I'm dealing with why didn't I see it all? Why was I so stupid?

I've been going to Alanon 3 years and I'm getting better as I focus on me.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Originally Posted by Jewels

{He finally left so now I'm dealing with why didn't I see it all? Why was I so stupid? }

I've been going to Alanon 3 years and I'm getting better as I focus on me.

I was in an abusive relationship my first marriage

Don't think of yourself as stupid!!

I kept telling my ex she needed help for her temper.
I'd watch her run her fist thru a window on the door. Watch her get mad an run the car into the house etc.

We marry for better or worse. Somehow, that shouldn't include being physically, verbally and mentally assaulted daily though.

I didn't even try to manipulate my ex like I did other women I dated.
I just couldn't take the abuse any longer and I'd go and drink and stay away for days at a time.

Glad, the laws have changed in our state. Used to, my ex could be beating on me, I try and defend myself, next thing the law would be called and the police are helping me pack a bag to leave my house.

I towered over my ex wife, didn't stop her from wanting to get into a fist fight with me.

I'd ask the police, what are my rights? Does anyone have to stand there and allow another person to beat on them

The county sheriff told me, I should call them before she did.
Either way, a woman with kids usually isn't the one that was told to leave the house.

It was just an unhealthy relationship all the way around

[lizw]

Originally Posted by MCH

In my observation Al Anons are as sick or sicker than AAs

My sponsor (who is an Al Anon) says this a lot - she says that family members are sicker and I think it's true too. My parents aren't alcoholics so I did not grow up seeing 'drinking' but I am 100% sure that if my parents did drink, life would have been better than what it was as they would have got some relief from the craziness that goes hand and hand with alcoholism.

[SerenityGirl]

I am one of them that came through the back door of Alanon to AA. I was in Alanon almost two years when I hit an emotonal bottom and someone suggested to me maybe I should try AA. I went to my first AA women's meeting and it felt like I came home, I heard others talking about things they did and the way they were, I felt such relief to realize what was wrong with me. I didn't think prior that I was a alcoholic, it was my husband with the problem...anyway I eventually sobered up, but it took a long time to realize I needed help other than AA. I tried Alanon again for awhile, but the meetings died out, living in a small village. Anyway in the meantime I discover Melodie Beatties books and then I finally knew what was wrong with me, I am very co-dependent. I was tired of trying to do this on my own so I found SR looking for a Coda meeting..I have been had lots of help and found other people that understand what I am going through.
I believe all the programs are wonderful, AA, and Alanon and all the other recovery programs.