Taking My Brother to his first AA meeting

[Jomey]

Hi yall - My brother asked me to take him to his first AA meeting today! Man, was I glad to get that call. He needs help in a BIG way. He was in inpatient rehab for 30 days this past August, but he picked up again within days of being out. He has gotten medical help & detoxed again, and wants to go to meetings.

I am the only person he confides in, and the only person he wants to go to a meeting with. He is childlike due to depression, which he just started medical treatment for last week, and really needs guidance to complete the most simple tasks.

My question is, as a woman, what would be the best approach for guiding a man into AA? My thought was to approach a woman at the meeting, briefly explain, and ask for her assistance/suggestions in getting some men to talk to my brother and then just staying by his side to help him answer questions, give out his phone number, etc. Does this seem like the best course of action? Does anyone having anything to add that might work better.

I really appreciate the advice!

Jomey

[zoomer]

I think it's great that you are there for your brother. No advice really except maybe let your brother go at his own pace when he first comes into the meetings. Then again it might be just what he needs that you try to set him up with men in the program. Why not ask him what he wants?

[Spiritual Seeker]

I too am a woman and I took my step dad to his first three AA mtgs. before he went on his own. I didn't have to do anything as a few men reached out to him.

tip - consider going to an "open" mtg if you are not also an alkie.
I took my stepdad to a reg. mtg an a few got riled up because I am not an alkie.

[CarolD]

I have had no experience with this ...just wanted you
to know I think it's progress that he will go.
Mega

Blessings to the two of you

[Tazman53]

Jomey just share with him your ES&H, then ask him if he would like you to introduce him to some men, of course after sharing with him how much help you found from women in meetings.

Basically help him in areas he ask for help in, keep in mind that it is his program and pushing him may cause him to push back.

Glad to hear he is wanting help and you are able to get him going in the right direction.

[Jomey]

Thanks yall...this is so HUGE for my brother, and I may be over thinking it, so it really helps to have others break it down into simple elements. I can not ask my brother what he wants - it would be like asking a two year old what they think is best for themselves. I know I can't run his program, but he can't drive, he can barely walk, he can barely talk, he is totally suggestible ( I am not ruling out brain damage from drinking until all tests are back from the doctor) but he REALLY needs someone else besides me to reach out to. I am raising my own kids, his kids, working and taking care of him now too, and he needs a man to reach out to. My husband helps, of course, but he is not an alkie, so he is not the best person for my brother. I know the fellowship will help him.

I don't know anyone who goes to the meeting my brother chose, which is in the town where he lives, so even tho I'm an alkie who can always use more contacts, it is going to be up to me to make it clear to the men at the meeting that we are there for my brother. I have been waiting for this day for so long for him, I just don't want to screw it up!!

Thanks again everyone -I'll keep you posted!
Jomey

[Tazman53]

Jomey, you can not screw it up, you take him to a meeting, get there early to where his odds of getting to know someone is higher, grab some of the ladies there and ask them for thier help in getting some of the men to make him feel welcome and put it into Gods hands.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

As a rule


We ask if, there are any new commers and if, they're new to AA.

When, they say they are new to the program, we do a first step meeting and explain how we got to AA etc.

We pass around a where and when for the meetings with phone numbers and people will talk to the new commer after the meeting to offer help to them.

If, you can, take your brother to as many open AA meetings you can find.

Does he have a lic. ?? The humbling aspect for some new commers is asking for a ride to a meeting But, people with a good program will glady go to hell and back to help that new comme rmake a meeting.
I went thru many a blizzrd condition to take people to and from a meeting.

Good luck with your brother, he's lucky to have you as a sister

[Jomey]

Thanks everyone! I talked to my brother today and we picked a meeting for Friday - we are expecting a huge snowstorm and to say I live in the boonies is the understatement of the year so I don't think the kids will be going to school before then or that I will be getting off the farm - so I'll let you know how it goes when we get there.

Captain - thanks for the good advice - my brother does have a license - don't know if that is a good or a bad thing - but he is so incapacitated right now, he is going to be relying on rides to his meetings. I will not be able to accompany him daily b/c we live too far away and I have a lot on my own plate (inc. my own recovery) so I will definitely try to hook him up with rides at the meeting! Thanks for that!!!

[AbsentFriend]

I just wanted to say thanks for starting this thread. My youngest brother finally expressed interest in going to an AA meeting, and I was the only one he told. I will be following this thread.

[Jomey]

HI AbsentFriend - I have been talking to my brother ALOT on the phone and we are planning our AA meeting for Friday - we are indeed getting pelted with ice and snow, so I think Friday will be the earliest that we will be able to get out safely. Keep in touch and let me know how it's going with you and your brother.

Jomey

[AbsentFriend]

Hi Jomey - I'm also from PA (Pittsburgh area), which is where my brother still lives.

The weather has been crap here, too (I live in VA, just outside D.C.). Glad you stayed safe with all the ice.

It took my brother months from the time I introduced the idea to him, before he decided to check out a meeting. At the time he made the decision, however, he had finals to study for, so he hasn't gone yet. But I'm optimistic.

Good luck to you and your brother. I hope he feels welcome at the meeting and yet not pressured.

[Jomey]

Hey Friend - Yeah, the weather is just NUTS....there is so much ice on this place it is out of control...the kids are off from school again which is good for safety purposes, bad for cabin fever!!! LOL

Anyway, my brother has been needing help for YEARS, the last three being especially horrific, so I am going to get out of here by dog sled tomorrow if I have to get him to a meeting.

My bro. was always such a good looking, fun loving, affectionate, intelligent guy....now he is none of those things. He is a shell of himself. He needs medical, physical, emotional and spiritual help to beat this. I am an alcoholic, but altho I personally dislike the term, I would probably be seen as a "high bottom" drunk, while my brother seems like he can never find rock bottom. I hope and pray this is it and AA will be a part of his return to living a better life.

Keep in touch - Jomey

[AbsentFriend]

Hi Jomey - I don't have kids, but I have a dog who needs regular exercise. She'll chew on everything in sight if she doesn't get out. So I've grown accustomed to being out in bad weather!

I admit I'm somewhat naive. I never did any kind of drug, not even cigarettes, and didn't get drunk until college. Partly out of fear. (Parents drank & fought nightly)

Anyway, I think I didn't fully believe the stories my brother would tell me about his behavior until the last year or so. I thought he was embellishing to shock me. Now I know it's all true. While I can't claim to relate to some of the things he's done, we still have the same parents, and I've found we get much further if we talk about what it was like growing up. I can tell him what an AA meeting is generally like, because I've been to ACA, NA (for a friend) and Nar-anon meetings.

Even if he isn't in AA yet, and even if you've been to AA yourself, it might be a good idea to go to Al-anon as well. I know lots of people who have gone to Al-anon just to be able to deal with the other people at their AA meetings!

[Jomey]

Hey friend - Thanks for the suggestion and concern. I have been reading alot of Al-anon info online, simply because we have not been able to get out yet to an AA meeting for my brother, let alone an Al-anon meeting for me. I couldn't even get off our farm safely until today, and we have to take his son to the doctor tomorrow, so we will try to get a meeting in, also, while I am with them before I have to get home to pick up my kids from school.

I can not relate at all to the things my brother has done either. I drank alcoholically, but not even in the same universe as what my brother has been doing. It is indeed shocking, scary, and hard to get your mind around when you have not been there. Thank God for the men I know he is going to meet in AA - he needs someone who can relate to where he is so badly. I think just knowing he is not alone in where he allowed alcohol to take him will help him alot.

Keep me posted & I'll be in touch -
Jomey

[AbsentFriend]

My brother called me today - he blacked out last night. He said he was testing himself to see if he could drink in moderation. Apparently not. He was upset with himself. I told him that he got what he wanted - the results of a test. Even though it wasn't the answer he wanted, he has more information about himself.

He has a renewed interest in going to AA. I told him as soon as he decides on a meeting, if he still needs to be talked into it, to give me a call. He laughed and said okay. If he still doesn't go in the next 2 weeks, I might drive the 5 hours to go with him.

Even though he knows that I can't relate on the level of personal experience, the last thing he said before he hung up was, "Thanks for listening."

So, Jomey - Don't underestimate the value of being present.

[Jomey]

My brother is drinking again. ALOT. And lying about it. I am seeing red, my friends. Of course, he no longer has an interest in a meeting, so I'll keep you posted. Thanks for caring. Jomey

[Astro]

Prayers going out for you and your brother Jomey I know, you know, we all know, that we can't keep anyone else sober. They've got to want it badly enough to do it for themselves.

[Dee74]

yeah, try not and take yr bros' problems on too much JJ...you have enough of yr own.

Ok - that came out wrong

Hugs
D

[Jomey]

I know, you know, we all know, that we can't keep anyone else sober.

You are right, my dear friend, and even tho I know this, it helps to read it, see it there in black and white and realize that it is TRUTH. So thank you, thank you. (Writing double makes me think about how long I've been around here at SR and how lost I would be without yall. )

yeah, try not and take yr bros' problems on too much JJ...you have enough of yr own.

Ok - that came out wrong

Indeed it did - good thing I love you as much as I do! But again, D, seriously, simple truth, but so hard to know it, and accept it, so thank you too.

[Tazman53]

Jomey you and he are in my prayers along with many others, many times at the end of a meeting we have a moment of silence for those still suffering.

[AbsentFriend]

Jomey - Thank you for sharing the bad along with the good.

Growth isn't linear - we don't take consistently forward steps. As I've shared, my brother stepped back before stepping forward to be where he was before. You already know that if someone had expected you to move forward at any pace besides your own, it would have been in vain.

Good thoughts and hope to you and your family.

[Jomey]

Thanks for the prayers Taz....there can never be too many of those! If you would remember my brother especially during your moment of silence, I would be very grateful. Or should I amend that, and say more grateful than I already am for all the help you have given me.

Friend, I know you are absolutely right, there is no way anyone is going to push my brother. If he doesn't WANT it, I can't get it for him. It's hard to watch him teeter that much closer to the brink of bigger and bigger disasters. All I can do now is pray.

Thanks for being here for me.

Jomey

[Tazman53]

(((((((Jomey)))))) ans some prayers to boot!