Old AA stomping ground....

[nickishine]

Today I went with my "new" sponsor to one of the AA guru hot spots in Tahoe that I have shyed away from for over 4+ yrs due to the shame I've felt from being in again, out again, yada yada yada.

I was terrified to walk through the doors of this specific hot spot because I've been around for 10+ yrs and I'm humiliated and sooo fearful of "what they're gonna think" for being a chronic relapser.... If it weren't for my sponsor "making" me go - there's no way I would have! She asked me if I were willing to do what it takes to walk through the fear and face it and ultimately stay sober. In my mind I'm thinking "I'm willing but just not there", at that particular mtg spot. Gee wiz, there's other mtgs here in town, my mind is telling me. But I told her, Yes! I'm willing to do what it will take and we went.

OMG, no lightning struck, no stones thrown, no whispering, of course about me!!!! It's all about me, ya know? It was great... and thank God, smaller than what I remember! Now that I went through the door, I can go back again.... probably not without support, but never-the-less I did it! It's been a huge cloud over me for so so long now and it's dissipating, finally.

Why is it we give others so much power over us? Why should it matter what others truly think when they're just another sick alcoholic too? Any thoughts would be welcomed on this!!!

[Tommyh]

I think it is our selfishness and fear

[dgillz]

I remember going back after 8 months of drinking, I had all the same fears. I was welcomed back with open arms.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Had a guy come in last night drunk. He'd been sober over 13 years at one point. A guy took him to detox after the meeting.

I can learn in AA from others mistakes as well as successes.

Nice thing about AA, we don't shoot our wounded. We're always glad, someone came back.

Anyone ever peeks there head in the AA rooms and says, they can now drink responsibly, I could be tempted.

Always heard, pride goeth before the fall. Hate to have pride keep me from going back to AA.

And for the sick AA people that, want to take your inventory, you can't control that anyway.

[Tazman53]

One of the "Chip Monks" in our area finishes up with a little speil every time he passes out chips when he finishes giving out chips he says:

"The doors of AA swing both ways, you can come in and stay as long as you like. You can go out and stay as long as you can. If you come back we will not say "I told you so!", we will say "Welcome!!!! We are glad to have you!".

[sugErspun]

Originally Posted by nickishine

Why is it we give others so much power over us? Why should it matter what others truly think when they're just another sick alcoholic too? Any thoughts would be welcomed on this!

Well..just because someone has alcoholism doesn't necessarily mean they are still sick. I mean, it's there - and it's not going away..but I know many alcoholics who have no symptoms of alcoholism. If I didn't know it - I would pretty much assume they were regular, happy, healthy people. Which is true.


Why do we give others so much power over us?

You mention in your post that you were willing to do what it takes- and then took action on that willingness (swallowed your pride and just WENT to the meeting). If this is true - and you make the decision to do a fourth step, it will bring clarity to this issue. Really.

[MCH]

The cool thing about AA is you love me BECAUSE I'm alcoholic. My parents, friends and associates put up with or loved me IN SPITE OF that fact. But here, I'm loved because I'm alcoholic. And I love you because you're alcoholic as well.

[nickishine]

Sug,

I guess I really phrased that wrong about other "sick" alcoholics in the rooms! Sorry!
I really mean that we're all dealing with the same dis-ease and yet at times we (I) think I am just uni-unique! I'm so grateful for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12-steps to recovery! I'm a believer in it as I've seen life after life transformed through the process. I will be attending a meeting tonight with A LOT of sobriety in it with my sponsor -- it's her "home group". I'm feeling a bit intimidated yet know that this is just part of the fear I need to walk through, and thank God she'll be there right by my side! I'm truly excited (this time around) to work the steps and stay in the solution! I feel empowered by surrendering. Isn't that odd how that works?!!!

[lizw]

I think for me that, while I am worrying about what others think of me, I don't have to think about what I think of me because if I really am keeping the focus on myself, I may have to change if I see something I don't like! And I don't want to change. I just want to do enough to let me get by. This tends to be my default postion when I am not too well.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

I was never bothered. I was always Joe Cool no matter what!!

[nickishine]

Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000

I was never bothered. I was always Joe Cool no matter what!!

You're such a brat! Just kidding! I'm jealous of people like you! I've never been "Cool Nicki" no matter what!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Originally Posted by nickishine

You're such a brat! Just kidding! I'm jealous of people like you! I've never been "Cool Nicki" no matter what!

Actually, I was always so off the wall, people always wanted to see what, I'd do next for craziness !!

[nickishine]

Hey everyone!

Went to a great meeting last night... but then this is what happened:
(This was cut/pasted here from my thread on the Newcomers forum)....
Please allow me to dump cuz I'm pretty p o'd right now... Pissed at being told what to do over something I feel is lame and wrong all the way around! Here goes...

I have a new sponsor and last night at her homegroup mtg (I just returned to mtgs after 4 yrs and this is my 3rd w/ her), when the mtg ended and I got up to mingle and meet some of the women there, she almost literally pushed me back in my seat to sit down and wait for her... actually my friend who'd be giving me a ride home! Understand, this is a small group, Tahoe is a small community and I know some people in these rooms who I want to chit chat with, and others to meet and wasn't "allowed" to! I was livid! It's like "I'm not 5 years old here"!!! Don't tell me to sit and wait while you talk with your friends and I'm a puppet on a string sitting there quitely--waiting ALONE for the most part! I am a very social person who has deep-seated feeling about going back to these rooms because of my own shame and insecurities, big time. I just wanted to get passed my fear and be socialble. Anyways, it pissed me off, but I sat and waited until my ride was ready! I e-mailed her last night and said we've got to talk before I bail. I just don't think this was cool, at all! It's hard enough going back into mtgs as it is and then to not be able to reach out in my fear, but just sit there with the "hurry up and wait" thing going on.... No! I'm sorry! So she already called and left a msg this a.m. and don't want to talk to her when I'm this upset -- still! Any thoughts out there for me?? This is pretty much a repeat of a reply I sent someone else this morning and felt that it warrants feedback!

Thank you!

Any feed-back here???/

[FightingIrish]

As far as I can tell, this is a free country. If she were my sponsor, then, well, I'd probably already have a new one by now.

My sponsor was there to show me what he did, not to tell me what to do.

[nickishine]

I know that she's old school, but give me a break... I'm a 42 yr old woman who's just getting back into sobriety and know a lot of people in recovery. I don't know! I have more that goes with this story on the other forum under my thread.... Just feeling a little sick about it now. I know I've got to give her a call and just get it out, but I know she's going to interrupt me (she always does) and I'll put me in a head spin as I can't combat that kind of crap.

Thanks!

[laurie6781]

I know that she's old school,

That is NOT 'old school' in my book. I have been continuously sober for quite some time now, and yes, even attended some meetings in Tahoe and at the Lake when I lived in Carson City from '86 through '87.

Personally, my sponsor and/or her hubby (my other sponsor, lol) would NEVER have done something like that, EVER. And yes, they were what some people today call AA Nazi's.

When you have 'cooled' off a bit, and yes I would have been po'd also, talk quietly and firmly with this woman, expressing to her what you have expressed here. Listen intently to her response and reasoning. If she cannot agree to NOT do anything like that again, then I would STRONGLY SUGGEST finding a different sponsor.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Sounds like, control issues to me.

I could understand this if, it was guys you were chatting with and she had concerns over you being 13th stepped.

It does seem to be demeaning the way you presented it though.

Talk to her and get explanation

[nickishine]

Thank you, all of you for all your support and posts!

Now that I've spoken to her, I want you to read what happened on my post I have on the Newcomers forum.... Here it is:

OMG!!!
This really warrants a new thread because there's so much I'm learning through this entire "sponsor" situation!

I just got off the phone with my sponsor, and simply asked, "Why...."? I was respectful and awaited a much different response than I got. She said that she thought us ladies were going to chit-chat for a while, but instead the group next to her went right into a business mtg., and she's apart of it, right when she told me to sit down. She wasn't aware herself that things weren't going to go on the "norm" with the socializing after the meeting and recognized she should have said something to me. In other words, this was misread all the way around! I feel embarrassed and like a hypersensitive nit-wit with how I got sooo carried away with what "I thought" was happening! You guys have been wonderful support as I've gone through all this---THANK YOU!

I feel like I've learned something here, however. #1, when confused about what she (or anyone for that matter) asks of me, I will find out then and there the idea/reason behind it, #2, to realize things aren't always as they seem, especially to me!, #3, to keep posting here, no matter what I'm going through because you give me different eyes to see things through!

I'm drawing a lot of strength from you all by posting, reading and reaching out! I truly am not alone and either are any of you! This was a tough screwed-up day, however, so much easier to go through knowing that you all are here and have my back! Thanks so much!

Love to you all! I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS!!!! Just another day in Paradise, huh???? Yeah, right!

Again, thank you for being there beside me as I go through all this cr-- in early sobriety! I'm just grateful it was a misunderstanding and not something I'd have to fire her over! Glad to be here and will "keep coming back" -- it's working!
__________________

[CAPTAINZING2000]

If, I scanned thru this correctly, did they announce there was a business meeting after the meeting?

[nickishine]

No! There was a mention of it like mid stream - somewhere - but understand this is a sml grp, probably 20 people there last night and very informal. At any rate.... whew! Glad this one's behind me!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

During any new business, we make mention that there's a business meeting after the meeting 15 minutes after the closing.

Gives everyone time for chit chat and to put everything back in place

[Tazman53]

Glad things worked out well, when I read your first post I was thinking............... well I was thinking! LOL I think it is cool that even with a situation like this you have made it a learning experience.