AA Revisited

[Tomas]

Here it is 7:45 PM, sitting on my boat in Panama writing this article or thread whatever you call it...I mean who needs it...I could be doing something else besides this..I could go over to the bar/restaurant, a cold Ginger Ale in hand, watch TV, CNN in English, or surf the web here on my boat, maybe study some Spanish...”It's getting worse not better”...maybe play my guitar for awhile....Even at my age it's a chick magnet...whether they speak English or not...LOL

My spiritual mentor, Joseph Campbell, the highly respected mythologist and eminent college professor said, that if you believe you have an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, “you are right.. you do.”..in my case there is a hardened worldly cynic sitting on one shoulder, and a helpful caring soul on the other.. The latter won out.. after several days of thinking about it.. it became a recurring reminder on my conscience...and needed to write and post

What I'm talking about is this. I read more than a few articles, threads and replies from those posted who were either unsuccessful with AA, found a better way, or resigned themselves to the fact that they were loners and just didn't get along with people, and terefore would go it alone...find some alternative... maybe something that preferably doesn't mention God. Something like that.

I've been sober a long long time, more years than many of you on this planet..The cynic on my left shoulder..could give a rats ass what you think of AA, the program, the people, God consciousness, the Steps, Big Book... on an on.. packaged in one word the “ethos” of AA...It's worked, or works for me...In fact I got this thing AA pretty easy...a person who drank around the clock, smoked a little weed from time to time, went to my first meeting and haven't drank or picked up since....a nice life...sought of retired now, sailing my boat around the world.

I heard it all, over the years, volunteered in treatment centers, seeing for myself what happened to people who stopped going to meetings. Even went through a war sober, not able to attend a meeting for six months...today circumstances have been such, not having been to a meeting in a year.. bothers me at times when I'm low, I'm only human, but generally on pretty good spiritual terms..often hearing the expression in my conscience “You go to meetings unless you have a legitimate reason for not going”.

So why am I writing this..The shoulder on the opposite side of my head from the cynic won out..Let me give you a short sea story so you'll get the point...I was sailing from Key West to Mexico..I saw some clouds on the horizon that didn't look good....I had two reefs in the main, and furled my headsail...A large ship coming from the opposite direction, was bearing down on me... Even as a retired ship's oficer, I wondered what he was doing..He went from sea speed, to maneuvering speed to stop engines...I was in the midst of a violent squall, thankfully it was short lived..but there was damage..and after things settled..had to turn back...You see the ship had radar..he could see the storm...he took the time even before it hit, to be there if I needed help...Thanks to his radar “This good Captain saw, what I couldn't see for myself"

You see anyone can stop drinking, chances are, if you stopped drinking on your own, and it's maybe five years or so..chances are you wouldn't be on this site..and those who feel AA is a bunch of losers who sit around and tell war stories of their drinking, or feel AA is regimented, or just don't fit in with people because you are a loner...You my friends are “Classic”...LOL Welcome to the club.

If AA had any rules, wanted money, took attendance, cared whether I liked you or not..or had to ingratiate myself on other's, ”You think I'd go... or make it.. Hell no...that's why I did make it..so far.

They really didn't care about the ideas I brought into the rooms..They just told me don't drink today..and come back..I hated the people for loving me.. I hated myself..but they told me to come back...My sick mind was looking for a way to get expelled...They asked me if I would pick up the ash trays....(AA rooms were like smoke houses in those days, everyone had an ash tray)..I told this nice lady...no I won't pick up any one's ash tray...She didn't get angry..she told me to come back...God I needed a drink so badly...at home even laid on the floor, the pain was so great...but I kept coming..I shook for weeks...There weren't detoxes around..I just kept coming to meetings sober.

Weeks later a coffee makers job became available..I wanted the job badly...but wouldn't ask. They certainly wouldn't ask me..not after the way I behaved about the ash trays.. so I thought...but they asked me anyway...and I smiled and said yes... They could see something that I couldn't see..they saw that I was sober and could see into my heart..I learned to keep my mouth shut to listen..My first lesson with humility..Listen to learn.

You see when you put the plug in the jug...there's a lot more to not drinking than not drinking...you are now dealing with the disease of alcoholism...and you can't treat the disease alone...it will kill you. Don't take my word..Carl Jung said it first...later the AMA acknowledged the disease..and acknowledged a recovery from the disease, and the recovery was essentially spiritual in nature... Quickly I learned, by not talking for 90 days, not bitching or whining, nor justifying, not looking for the need to be understood..I began to learn how to stay sober. I began to learn that now I was a teacher, that I had something to give to a new comer..”How'd you do it a newcomer would say,.. Not picking up a drink one day at a time..”I was sharing my limited success”...and that is the road to spiritual growth..that is the road to sobriety..a life free from the chains of alcohol..a temporary reprieve based upon my continuous spiritual growth.

So when I here someone doing it themselves...part of me says they are probably not alcoholics..and for whatever reason..gave it up bravo..Who cares.. On the other hand if they are alcoholics and giving you that rubbish...having heard it before, having prayed over the grave markers.. Like the ship, "my conscience cares", and those who don't like the people, or feel they are anti social.. YOU MY FRIEND...don't think..just keep on coming back... To get along with others, you need to get along with yourself..You see most loners are ego-maniacs with inferiority complexes..of course they don't fit in...you want attention..but it never dawned on you..that you have nothing to offer but a cold heart.. and you don't even know it..feeling sorry for yurself...all part of the illness. We who have been there understand.. Me...the coffeemaker...a change of heart..and that's how we get better..my heart began to change...that's spiritual growth..doing for others..now I began to fit in...I began to laugh and like the people...”It's very difficult to not like a person when they like you...and I began to like myself..then the rest is easy

Why it's so ridiculous even to profess you have stopped drinking on your own is that alcohol and or drugs is only a symbol of the underlying causes of the DISEASE..The Steps...The first three bring you to a level of spirituality that the heart and soul acknowledges that you ARE INDEED an alcoholic and not in denial..The next two from that humble beginning, a realistic look at yourself and where improvement can be made...the next four steps.. six through nine, taking action, making that attempt to become better from what you saw in four and five...the last three a prescription of decent living, as a result of the previous nine...nothing controversial

Don't be a booze fighter...don't resign yourself to anti social attitudes toward others..don't judge...we understand...we don't defend or justify ourselves...we understand...Some of us were just like you...The disease is a killer but treatable..

Come back and LIVE... Today “Just don't drink..don't THINK...just go to a meeting” if alcohol or drugs is a problem...Do it for yourself as (SRV) says you got to take care of yourself before you can help others..Booze and drugs destroy the love..and then take the life.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Love to be sailing the keys right now myself


thanks for the post!!

[Tazman53]

Thanks for the share Tomas, a ton of good stuff there.

The water.......... how I miss it, my ancestors were waterman on the Chesapeake, during the summer in my youth before the bottle became my love, there were weeks when I spent almost as much time on the water then I did ashore........ something special about being on board a skiff with no one around, a feeliing of being alone with my creator and at peace with Him and the world, how I miss that!

Sobriety and spirituality thanks to AA are bringing me back to those days so long ago, although for now no longer on that skiff alone with my Creator, I now on occasion find that peace I used to find alone with God.

Tomas thank you for taking me back to those days with your share, I had not thought of those times in 30 years, it brought back the gentle roll of the skiff, the warmth of the sun with no shade to be seen for as far as one can see, the feel and smell of the breeze over salt water.

I owe this ability today to my HP who I would not have found again unless I had found AA and taken the STEPS that led me back to Him, He has led me to when I am really spiritually fit to find the occasional peace and serenity I found out on that skiff on the water.

[Rusty Zipper]

“This good Captain saw, what I couldn't see for myself"

that said it all for me...

loved the read Tom

and welcome aboard the good ship willingness...

rz

[Tomas]

Thanks Taz

When you think about the things that made you happy..it's uplifting to our spirit...There is an amazing amount of positive energy associated with those thoughts and feelings.

It's difficult for the newcomer..for want of a better word to..."tough it out"..When the jug is plugged, and meetings are attended with an open mind..."change is inevitable.".The need to stay around until the miracle of sobriety to happen..Those of us who have had that transformation...a spiritual awakening...know "the sweetness" and want more..Only then do we receive a new employer..and it's the God of our understanding..directing our new life..

My Spiritual mentor..Joseph Campbell whom I mentioned above says ..don't listen to the mind..that's a limited faculty..That will tell you.. you can't do this or that..many times fear driven...The God of our understanding resides in the Heart...that's where the great energy and acomplishment comes from...Alcoholism cuts that all off, cuts us off from self and others...the mind settling for limited objectives....at times it ain't easy but it's simple... that's where Faith and Hope comes in..Life will throw us curveballs..but we trudge along the road...growing spiritualy..overcoming...and recovering from this devisting killer disease that attacks the heart and soul. Alcohol and drugs are the vehicle of this illness. Alcoholism a physical, mental and spiritual disease.
..

[doorknob]

I've watched some Joseph Campbell programs on PBS that were pretty interesting, especially from a cultural anthropological perspective, but I'm more of a Carl Sagan kinda guy. I'm definitely not a loner, and appreciate the fellowship of AA. I just find that much of the philosophy goes against my core beliefs. Since I've recently moved to a bigger area, or alteast driving distance to one, I've found an AA meeting that takes a more humanistic approach to recovery. Also, there are groups like LifeRing, SOS, and SMART Recovery that have been very helpful to me. Even though there are no f2f meetings where I live, just knowing they are out there, and having access to them on the internet, helps me deal with the people at AA meetings who tell me that I'm doomed because I don't believe in God.

[Jfanagle]

Tomas,

Thank you for a tour of one man's heart and soul. As you indicate the mind of the alcoholic can be a very dangerous neighborhood and one best not visited alone.

A few years ago, less than 1/3 as long as your time, I too walked into an AA meeting and only because I was out of options and plain and simply had made a decision that since death seemed to be my only remaining option I needed to investigate AA on my way to the graveyard. Needless to say with that "level" of commitment to really giving AA a chance my possibility of success was slim at best.

The folks inside the rooms listened to my pompous pontificating with good cheer and just suggested that I come again tomorrow, or in some cases later on that same day. Fear of the void was a good motivator in my case and after a few months and an occasional moment of humility, not often or for long, but on occasion, I began to understand what "something other than me" actually meant to living sober.

I constantly read and hear others talk about the intolerance of AA and its members, but I guess I have just been lucky that I have run across the tolerant members. They have even shown me by their example that I too have tolerance deeply buried inside myself. As time has progressed I have even pulled that cache of understanding out and used it in my dealings with those who have had less time without alcohol than me. I have mustered a smile or two when I have been thanked for my help, knowing only too well that I am the better for having "acted" like the tolerant fellow they think me to be.

Enough rambling from me, but again thanks for reminding me why AA and that source beyond my abilities continue to allow me to live a life that is more than I had expected on that October day some years ago when I dropped by AA on my way to the graveyard.

Thanks,

Jon

[Tomas]

I think J The ego maniac with an inferiority complex was marching to the graveyard...The ***** in the armour.. is a gift allowing the light of reason to enter..recognizing we are licked..and desperate...Why don't I give this a try...I'll sit there and just listen

If you were anything like me...that first meeting gave me hope...and I couldn't wait for the next meeing..I thank my HP for that gift, that feeling of motivation..for the next meeting

There were people I liked, there were people I didn't like, there were people I came to like..

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Our first impressions of people in AA aren't always right!!