Step 5 Scares Me

[James13]

Sorry, I posted this in the Step 5 forum, but it doesn't look active since August.

I am frightened about step 5, because I have alot of guilt I have dealt with and continue to deal with about myself. While I have not started actually working the steps, seeing alot of seemingly happy people who have has made me interested and attracted to working them.

I have a close friend who confided in only me about some really serious things they had done, and when revealing this to their sponsor in step 5, their sponsor didn't even flinch, and actually forgave them for it. (As I did too).

I think that is a great, compassionate thing, and makes it even more attractive to me, but I am still scared of this one. I think I will be ready for it after I work steps 1-4.

[navysteve]

Welcome to SR,
Step 5 is where your trust in God stops being a theory and begins to become a reality. Step one tells me the problem, step 2 tells me the solution, step three is where I agree to live according to Gods will for me, step four is where I look at the stuff ( most of which I know anyway) and step 5 is where I tell it to another person. It doesn't have to be a scary thing ( although it was for me as well)

[Astro]

Originally Posted by James13

I think I will be ready for it after I work steps 1-4.

I know you'll be ready for it, do the Steps in order and you get the Big Kawabunga, the Promises! Step 5 is incredibly freeing, and I'd recommend reading about that Step in your 12&12 and also The Little Red Book. I know it's intimidating, but this one brought on the peace in a big way for me.

Fifth Step Promises....

1. In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. (72:2)

2. If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. (72:2)

3. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story. (73:0)

4. We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. (73:4)

5. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. (75:2)

6. We can look the world in the eye. (75:2)

7. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. (75:2)

8. Our fears fall from us. (75:2)

9. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. (75:2)

10. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. (75:2)

11. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. (75:2)

12. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe. (75:2)

[sugErspun]

I replied to the post in the step forum.

Step 1- start there. Looking too far ahead doesn't do much good.

Personally - I was never afraid of step 5 because I knew I would just BS whoever I took it with...but..after the first 4, there was no way I was gonna keep that stuff in. I wanted to be rid of it.

I was always afraid of Step 9 more...but, same thing there. I became willing at step 8, and the 9th step just happens..cannot be forced. I think it's the same with all of them built on a solid first step (NO reservations).

~

[bob_sapp]

Step 5 is nothing to be scared of. The truth will set you free.

[bballdad]

I was scared too
but I was more scared of returning to drinking and the living hell we go thru.I went and did it and I had a experience almost excally like the big book talks about.
If I had not have done step 5,I would have missed out on one of the greatest days of my life.

[tommyk]

I think I will be ready for it after I work steps 1-4.

I think you're right.

But don't think about it, think about each step as though no other steps exist.

[Peter]

Step 5 Scares Me

Good, that means you are on the right track, but get busy on 1-4 before you start to worry 'bout 5

[Rob B]

Originally Posted by James13

I think I will be ready for it after I work steps 1-4.

Yep, that's how this deal works, as has been mentioned, a thorough understanding of step one should motivate you to continue.

By the way I have heard multiple 5th steps, sex with animals, breaking and entering, on and on etc, there is nothing you have done that hasn't been done by any of us. AA is not about justice, it is about mercy, I hope you do the work and get free, you deserve it, this is your birthrite.

[tomvlll]

Try this way of thinking.

You have cancer. Step 5 is the cehmo.
Chemo's gonna make you sick. And it might make your hair fall out .but those will pass.

On the other hand, not taking the chemo treatments will kill you.

[AW2486]

I heard a good description of steps 4-5 .. It's like your mother telling you to go and clean out your room.. But this time its different.. You get to throw away the bad stuff and replace it with brand new stuff.

[Barto]

It scared me the first time too. But after a few times (over the years) I began to look forward to it each time. In fact, I'm looking forward to it again. My sponsor yawned and said, "yeah, I did that too" when I told him the deep dark secret I was going to take to with me to the grave. We’re all God’s kids. If it can be thought of, an alcoholic has probably tried it or done it.

[IO Storm]

James!

Don't be afraid...

Best thing for you. By the time I shared with my sponsor I was so "ready".. it

took several 2 hour sessions! And it felt so good..she had done most of the

same. And was my champion. She built me up, after I tore myself down.

This is what a good sponsor does..they take care of you..don't fear.

They've been there before us...

But, do the other Steps..

First things First! lol

[TonyEdin]

On a day-at-a-time programme lets talk about step 5 after steps 1-4 are complete as it will all be a lot clearer then - sober people will still be around for suggestions at that point, and will be better able to suggest knowing the first 4 are complete.
1. Problem
2. Solution
3. Decision to accept solution
4. Inventory
5. Share

[dgillz]

It was recently pointed out to me that people make too much out of this step.

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

Please notice my emphasis on exact nature.

For example, I stole money from my ex-employers to support my bad habits. In taking the 5th step, I do not have to relate juicy details of every incident where I did this, I just have to admit that I stole money. This is the "exact nature" of that wrong.

Similarly, a friend in AA was unfaithful to his wife. The particulars of with who, at what times, at what seedy motels do not matter.

Steps 8 and 9 get into this level of detail, but not step 5.

[Kallista]

Originally Posted by tommyk

I think I will be ready for it after I work steps 1-4.

I think you're right.

But don't think about it, think about each step as though no other steps exist.

This is an excellent suggestion. I had to pretend Step 5 didn't exist before I could finish Step 4. I started 4 several times and then threw out my inventory because I was worried about 5.

I finally set a deadline for doing 5. I said that I would do it before my 1 year anniversary and I did. I went to a priest, rather than another AA member, because I felt more comfortable with that a priest would keep it confidential.
It went just fine.

I later shared nearly everything on that 5th step in meetings with tons of other people, when one thing or another was appropriate to the meeting topic. There were one or two things (about sex) that I went over with close friends in the fellowship, but not in meetings.

My 5th step was a great experience. I loved it, after I did it. Good luck.

[RufusACanal]

You are no longer alone James. If I can help, please let me know.

[Tazman53]

James there is nothing I can really add to what others have already said except to tell you that my experience in taking step 5 with my sponsor was the beginning of freedom for me, fears, guilt, & shame were lifted, when I was finished and did my hour of meditation afterward I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders.

The best way to work the steps as others have said is in order and one at a time, each one feeds off of the prior step, fear, shame and guilt are stripped away a layer at a time allowing us to progress through the step we are taking.