The Desire to stay sober vs the obsession

[Tommyh]

Most of my life,I had the desire to drink.We call it the obsession in AA.
When the dark times of life hit,I drank thru it.When the good times of life hit,I drank thru it.Then I hit a bottom,and surrendered.I got into the big book as my sponsor strongly suggested and my life changed so fast,I sometimes felt like I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn`t dreaming.Since those early days of sobriety,I have had many good days,and some tough ones.Life is going to happen even if we are sober.
One thing I have noticed thru it all is the desire to stay sober and not return to the old ways.Then it hit me,thats another one of Gods gifts to me,when He removed the obsession to drink,I believe it was replaced with a gift,a desire to stay sober and get out in life and live.I never had that desire before like it is today.It grows.When those storms of life pass today,that gift helps me to be even more grateful to the Giver of the Gift.

So,tell me,whats your thoughts of the desire to stay sober today?Is it a small thing or a large thing to you today?

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Making me pause to think here!

Evaluated my reasons to drink and to stay sober.

I drink, my life gets miserable, I drink more cause, my life is miserable the cycle never stops.

I stay sober, have a bad day, this to shall pass, it did pass

I stay sober, have a great day, and it goes down in my memories for later to enjoy
Like spending time with my grand kids and to hear their laughter.

That makes it all worth while today!

[Astro]

Originally Posted by bballdad

So,tell me,whats your thoughts of the desire to stay sober today?Is it a small thing or a large thing to you today?

To me, drinking ceased to be an option the first day I walked into AA. There are days when the compulsion still strikes me, but sobriety has become a matter of life or death, to drink is to die.

Some days I don't feel like going to meetings, but I always hear a message when I attend. There are days when I have the eff-its about service work, I feel resentful about having to give of my precious time, and then I'm reminded yet again that the gift of emptying trash cans and picking up cigarette butts is humility.

I was told in early sobriety to pray that the people I resented would have a life beyond their wildest dreams and expectations, that they'd be happy, joyous, and free. In return, I received that life and so much more.

The gift isn't just large, it's huge. I'm grateful for all things big and small in sobriety. I just hope I never forget what brought me to where I'm at today.

[Sheryl85]

The book talks about our ceasing to fight anything or anyone and sanity returning. This is due in part to our having done those things necessary between Steps Two and Ten. I had ceased fighting the obsession to drink because it had been lifted. Now, that’s not to say that I never think about drinking. I have a friend who explained it best when she said, “I can’t stop the birds flying over my head, but I don’t have to let them make a nest in my hair.” She went on to say that the thoughts may pass through her mind, but it doesn’t mean that she dwells on them and allows them to make a “home” in her mind. That’s where I am today.

As long as I stay in “fit spiritual condition” I also don’t have to worry about the mental obsession to drink because it’s been removed. The way I stay in fit condition is by working the Steps and practicing these principles in all my affairs.

Thanks for the topic.

[Latte]

I have been given the gift of parenthood and the gift of a wonderful husband. To continue to enjoy those gifts my sobriety has to come first. This life is the only one I have and drinking just doesn't fit into what I want to be today. My wonderful children deserve all that I can give them and I can only give them my all when I'm clean and sober.

[bob_sapp]

I hope to one day say I don't drink because I love life sober and am happy, joyous, and free, but I often don't drink out of fear to be honest. Sorry that's the best I can do somedays.

[navysteve]

It took me fifteen years to honestly say that I am in love with the idea of being sober. It doesn't have to take that long.

[Rob B]

When I landed in AA, all I wanted was to be able to stop drinking, I did not know much and thought I might actually be able to pull this off, rather delusional thinking, given I have a 20 year track record of not being able to do this, ever.

Today I have a desire to seek and experience God, sobriety in all aspects is a direct resut of this seeking.

[Theresa]

Bballdad: I really like your perspective on this: that the obsession to drink can be replaced by the greater desire to remain sober. Instead of being hounded by, of focusing on, a destructive obsession that tries to own or claim me, I am going to do my best to "re" focus on this greater desire that I own, that truly belongs to me.

Thanks for this: it really is helpful to me.

[gravity]

This past year has been an amazing journey:

-Day 1: Fear that I couldn't quit drinking, willing to try anything
-Working through the steps - fearful, scared that the insanity would get me before I could finish
-The obsession removed, an incredible feeling, such peace
-Fear that the peace would not last and the insanity would return
-And most recently, faith that if I stay in fit spiritual condition, I will not drink

To me, one of the most powerful sentences in the Big Book is "Instead, the problem has been removed". I couldn't even comprehend something like that when I was still obsessed with drinking. To actually get to a place where alcohol means nothing to me, to have no desire to drink...an incredible gift.

I do get the occasional jealous thought when I see others having a good time with alcohol but it is always followed by the saner thought - "But I can't, I'm an alcoholic". That’s it. The thinking ends there. Just the occasional thought – I can live with that.

I like being sober, responsible, and trusted. The spiritual growth, the learning. I like waking up in the morning looking forward to the day and going to bed at night at peace. Life still has it's sharp edges but for the most part, everything is good.

[sugErspun]

I honestly don't know if I have a desire to stay sober..it really has not come to mind. I suppose it must be in me somewhere, though I relate more to the idea that the desire to drink (which is not the same as the desire to be "not sober") is gone.

I am glad I am sober, don't get me wrong. In the beginning it is all I wanted...somewhere there was a change from "wanting" something to going with the flow of life. The thought of relapse used to bring fear - it no longer does. Just like the thought of having to go a day without a drink, or a life without alcohol used to bring fear.

It's a new playing field..and one day I may experience this deep gratitude for sobriety, the desire to continue as such. For now, my life is more about learning anew many things that I probably skipped along the way.


Good thread.

[Music]

Originally Posted by bballdad

So,tell me,whats your thoughts of the desire to stay sober today?Is it a small thing or a large thing to you today?

My relationship with God and my sobriety are the only things that matter today. Without them, nothing else would matter.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

[quote=gravity;2052658]This past year has been an amazing journey:



I do get the occasional jealous thought when I see others having a good time with alcohol but it is always followed by the saner thought - "But I can't, I'm an alcoholic". That’s it. The thinking ends there. Just the occasional thought – I can live with that.


I thought this way coming into AA. I've had many great times while being sober.

The laughter I have now is not drink or drug induced. I like that

[BackToSquareOne]

There is a post in the Recovery forum above about drinking mouthwash + vanilla extract for the alcohol content. When you look at the obsession side of the equation this would be a truely obsessed individual. The intervention series had an episode on with a woman who would go to the dollar store and buy those large bottles of cheap mouthwash and drink that for the high alcohol content. This is the epitome of hard core obsession. The lengths that some alcoholics or addicts will go to to get their DOC seems to defy all rational explanation.

From my experience I believe that I had to reach that point where I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. My experience was that this change is something that comes from within and not some magical "Bottom" that a lot of people refer to. I had so many "Bottoms" over the years that the word lost all meaning. If all it took was hitting a "Bottom" where ones addiction cost the loss of a job, house, relationship , money, trust, self-esteem or whatever then it would be easy, I never had any such luck.

So then the million dollar question seems to be how does one reach the point where the desire to stay sober is stronger than the desire to drink? For me it was a change from within, a surrender of sorts to the fact that alcohol could no longer be part of my life if I wanted to retain my sanity. Your experience may be different and I do believe that there are many paths to the same destination.

[sugErspun]

I have always equated the drinking of mouthwash with craving moreso than obsession.

Having done it myself...when I couldn't get to any other alcohol.

As far as wanting to be sober MORE than I didn't....that is ALL I wanted (to be sober). For a long time - and I couldn't pull it off. When I gave up home, I saw the answer as attractive or just plain didn't care. I became willing more than a stronger desire.

[Emimily]

most days, i'm in love with life. i'm the girl who's laughing up at the coffee shop, pickin on my friends and dancing around. most days.

i stay sober because i honestly have the desire to do God's will, to become the woman God would have me become. to be sweet, kind, helpful, loving, considerate, compassionate, generous, responsible, accountable, dependable, and giving. i lose all those when i drink. and for me, to drink is to die.

nobody wants that. what a bummer!

[BackToSquareOne]

To me whether it's a craving or obsession is just a matter of semantics. True I could have a craving for a big bowl of ice cream while not being obsessed with it but then again most overpowering cravings are born out of obsession, at least for me anyhow.

[sugErspun]

I agree that craving vs obsession is generally semantics, except when talking about alcoholism the way that it is described in AA.

When it was broken down into: craving ONLY occurs when I put some alcohol in my body, and the obsession hits when I am completely sober - it just made a lot more sense.

Like the person who is allergic to strawberries breaks out in a rash when they have some strawberries (there is no way for them to avoid the rash, having had some strawberries) - I will crave more alcohol when I have some. Not really a matter of mental control or function. If someone slipped some alcohol into something I was drinking - without my knowledge - and I drank it, I can be sure the craving is gonna kick in...with or without any obsession.

"The physician who, at our request, gave us this letter, has been kind enough to enlarge upon his views in another statement which follows. In this statement he confirms what we who have suffered alcoholic torture must believe—that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality, or were outright mental defectives. These things were true to some extent, in fact, to a considerable extent with some of us. But we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete. "

Big Book Online - the doctor's opinion

[Tommyh]

Emimily,thats me today.I love life today and would not trade it for any of the old days.
I seem to find a increasing joy in just living

be happy and keep smiling

Tommy

Originally Posted by Emimily

most days, i'm in love with life. i'm the girl who's laughing up at the coffee shop, pickin on my friends and dancing around. most days.

i stay sober because i honestly have the desire to do God's will, to become the woman God would have me become. to be sweet, kind, helpful, loving, considerate, compassionate, generous, responsible, accountable, dependable, and giving. i lose all those when i drink. and for me, to drink is to die.

nobody wants that. what a bummer!

[BackToSquareOne]

Interesting explanation sugErspun. If I had a case of vodka in front of me right now it wouldn't be that big of a deal because the obsession is really no longer there. Now once I drank half a bottle it would be a different story because the craving would take over. I see your point.

[gravity]

Originally Posted by sugErspun

I am glad I am sober, don't get me wrong. In the beginning it is all I wanted...somewhere there was a change from "wanting" something to going with the flow of life.

Recently, my sponsor told me that I am now living a good sober life. I told him that I think of it as a good life - period. I think the mindset ties into the problem being removed. I can finally move on with my life.

[gravity]

Originally Posted by Emimily

i stay sober because i honestly have the desire to do God's will, to become the woman God would have me become. to be sweet, kind, helpful, loving, considerate, compassionate, generous, responsible, accountable, dependable, and giving.

Exactly - I have the same deep desire. Problem is that my actions don't always match this desire. It's a work in progress but getting better. I have had those times when I felt, in my heart, that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. An amazing feeling.