As Bill Sees It

[CarolD]

Can We Choose?

We must never be blinded by the futile philosophy that we are just the hapless victims of our inheritance, of our life experience, and of our surroundings - that these are the sole forces that make our decisions for us. This is not the road to freedom. We have to believe that we can really choose.

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"As active alcoholics, we lost our ability to choose whether we would drink. We were the victims of a compulsion which seemed to decree that we must go on with our own destruction.
"Yet we finally did make choices that brought about our recovery. We came to believe that alone we were powerless over alcohol. This was surely a choice, and a most difficult one. We came to believe that a Higher Power could restore us to sanity when we became willing to practice A.A.'s Twelve Steps.
"In short, we chose to "become willing," and no better choice did we ever make."

1. GRAPEVINE, NOVEMBER 1960 - 2. LETTER, 1966

[Rob B]

Choice is always a hot topic here, I will keep my comments limited to my experience only.

I did not choose the day I was struck Sober: God did.
I did not pick the day the obsession left: God did

To this day I do not "choose not to drink" this would indicate that I have power over the first drink, and the ability to leave it alone, nor do I think it through, etc....This is not my experience,nor is it the experience of any real alcoholic I know or have worked with. I am as powerless today over alcohol as I was when I came in. Self knowledge is of no avail, I can't prevent my next relapse. The BIg Book describes this in great detail, it describes me.Real Hope for a guy like me stems from no hope.

Today I can choose to live a diciplined spiritual life and remain in a recovered state. Or I can listen to a lot of middle of the road catch phrases and wind up dead. I'll choose life, it's pretty good these days. Thanks for the thread Carol.

[MCH]

At the end, alcohol sure didn't do what it used to but at least it still offered me a much needed buffer between me and the rest of the world, I thought I chose to drink. I wasn't powerless. It took a over a year dry, meetings every day (introducing myself as alcoholic) and a feeble attempt at the steps for me to see that I am, in fact alcoholic. The instant I was able to really admit that to myself, I came to believe in everything good. Before that I was dead inside.

What Bill says was a choice was more of a deduction for me. I had played my last card. I chose to stop fighting and recovery began. Shortly thereafter I put my whole life on the line, drunk and sober, and I knew I'd been in hell. I didn't feel it could get any worse, figured "what have I got to loose?" - That was when I chose to make a decision to ask God to take the whole package of me - and He did, "root and branch" as Bill said.

So yes, willingness was a choice for me but I feel that God helped me with it. I was backed into a corner far enough that my deadly, suicidal brain could see that He was the only way out. Thank you God.

[navysteve]

I have seen the topic of choice turn into ridiculous argument.I can't determine what the experience of others is, or if it is valid or not. Its not my business. I would lke to think that the ideal state for me to be in is as such:

So long as I am free to do wrong, I am not free.

I think alot of disagreement in AA is more about semantics than anything else.

If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.

That last sentence changes that "no middle of the road" quote I often hear in meetings. Me being willing to make the effort implies that I make choices. At first I chose not to drink. It was the most self-willed I had ever been. I moved from Steve Dependence to God dependence somewhere along the line through the steps. I do believe that if I stop practicing this way of life I will have no choice but to drink.

[MCH]

See below.

[MCH]

We must never be blinded by the futile philosophy that we are just the hapless victims of our inheritance, of our life experience, and of our surroundings - that these are the sole forces that make our decisions for us. This is not the road to freedom. We have to believe that we can really choose.

This frees me from self pity. I chose my life, my surroundings, my husband, dog, career path, most every circumstance of my life, and every morning I wake up and say "yes" to the whole thing. I forget this sometimes and fall back into the victim role but staying in touch with AA, or often times just being open, I'll get a reminder of the truth again, like this, that sets me free.