Thoughts on motives and self-will

[nandm]

The first requirement was that we be convinced that any life run on self-will could hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good.

How has the way we have been living working for us? Are we not prey to misery, depression, resentment and remorse? These things are caused by the failed basis of our lives, the basis of self-will. We have lived as though the satisfaction of our instinctual desires for sex, society and security will bring us happiness and fulfillment.

When we hear that "there are no musts in AA", many of us are relieved and think that this means we will not have to do anything to recover. But when we hear that "there is not right or wrong way to work this program," we who have admitted powerlessness over alcohol are fearful that there is nothing we can do to recover. This is a suggested program; we do not have to follow it if we not want to. But if we do wish to follow this path there are things we must do and requirements we must meet. Should we decide to do the things that the authors did, we can expect the same results----recovery from alcoholism.

Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show: is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wishes, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonet. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to varied traits.

We have developed many of our personality traits because we believed that by applying them we would get our way in life. These traits are some of the human resources we have at our disposal. They are seemingly effective in many circumstances. We feel successful when we get our way.

What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exhert himself some more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?

How are these techniques for living working for us? We believe that these techniques are all we have and when our self-seeking behavior does not work we try even harder to manipulate the situation to suit us.

The foundation from which we currently base our ideas, attitudes, decisions, and actions is that the satisfaction of our instinctual desires for sex, security and society will lead to happiness and fulfillment. Once we recognize that because we have constructed our lives on this faulty foundation we can never be truly successful, we can begin to structure our lives upon a new stable foundation. Our admission of powerlessness is the solid bedrock upon which we set a foundation of complete willingness and begin to build our new lives.

[Sheryl85]

Thank you for the post. This is a topic that I have to think about almost everyday. With the job that I am in and in working with my family, I have to remember to practice the 11th Step to the best of my ability . . . praying for the knowledge of "His" will and and asking for the strength to carry it out. When I approach a situation with the thought of finding out what is the best solution in any one given situation and when my ideas do not start with the words "me" or "I" but instead with prayer, I find that I can stay away from that pitfall of "self" a whole lot better. Today, I do not have to be the director of the universe.

Now with the holidays upon us and I am in direct contact with my family and friends, I can sure use a reminder like this.

Happy Holiday to All!