The butterfly effect

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Selfish living disappears after, take an inventory of ourselves. My defective character caused me to always be thinking of my selfish needs and desires.
Somewhere in recovery, we discover, how our actions play into other people's lives.

It's not only us, that are impacted by our drinking, we take hostages with us. Our broken promises not showing up at family holidays, showing up in a drunken state. Spending our paychecks on drinking when, the money was needed to pay bills. Or worse yet, having family and friends, not wanting us to show up to ruin a gathering.

I was at my family Thanksgiving dinner today. I looked around at all the family members present. The direct result of 2 people meeting falling in love and creating a family some 64 years ago. The butterfly effect, the actions of two people long ago created a family gathering of 75 people to be in the same place at the same time.

Much of the past few days readings have mentioned slips.

It's so important to realize, we create a butterfly effect in a lot of our actions.

May your butterfly effect you cause today, be one of positive reactions for tomorrow

[Doug]

Good point Capt. And while we can't go back and change it (like the movie), we can do things different today for tomorrow.

[Tazman53]

Thanksgiving day was one of my family being family this year and I was a part of that, a welcome part. This was my third Thanksgiving sober and I felt more a part of it then any other one before. I did the majority of the shopping myself without a list and without being pushed to do it!

My twins prepared and cooked the turkey, they are 16, my step daughter (22) prepared the green bean casserole, my wife and I fixed the other side dishes and answered any questions. We as a family prepared, served, and ate our Thanksgiving meal!

To many people this is kind of the norm, for this old drunk it was heavan on earth, for many years Thanksgiviing was nothing but a day to spend more time drinking then normal and passing out early on the sofa watching some football game I did not really care about while my family avoided me.

I have 6 kids & at last count 8 grandkids, I am thankful that today the Butterfly effect I have had in sobriety and continue to do so will be the effect that is felt in the future of my family, not the one I was working on before I got sober.

[tommyk]

Originally Posted by Doug

Good point Capt. And while we can't go back and change it (like the movie), we can do things different today for tomorrow.

And that's all we can do.

Yes, move forward as a different person.

[fraankie]

wow
i'm sure they must have been very happy to see the seed they planted all those years ago bear such fruit
good job
my parents were the same
it would be really nice, if at the next family gathering of everyone at the same table conversing peacefully
you passed around, if you will
a family tree poster
of course, you would have to go online
do some research
mom and dad
children
grandchildren
in-lawas
out-laws (lol)
etc
you could fill in the best you can
and
then go to kinko's make a poster
give it to mom on her birthday
if you need help
let me know
even adorn it with some butterfly pics
free online
hey, even a short biograhic
ask mom and dad how they met, first place dad took her on date, etc
best
frankie



happy thanksgivng

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Having a 2 year old grand daughter sitting on my lap saying she lubs me.

Makes it all worth while

[Ago]

The interesting thing for me was when I did my steps looking at various results of different actions in my life really taught me "I don't know what's good for me or for anyone else"

Some examples:

Doing my ninth step "wrong" with my father set in motion a sequence of events that can only be described as "miraculous"

Once, when I was still drinking, a man who I drank with, and considered a "lower companion" came and asked "what we were doing today"

Every time I drank with him we went to Jail, so I said "I can't drink with you any more"

Years later he approached me at a meeting, he said the moment I said that, "His drinking was done" He drank for another year and a half, but the joy was gone. He considered me the lowest of the low companions, I was the craziest person he had ever met, and when even I wouldn't drink with him, it literally "ruined his drinking"

He has 18 years of sobriety today.

I drank after 3 years of sobriety, I had a "fleet" of sponsees who "idolized me" (their words)

Them watching me "go out" then seeing my life "spin out of control" after I had taken them through the steps was the single most important thing I ever "did for them" they have all approached me and told me "that's when I grabbed on to the program with both hands and held on for dear life, if it could take you down, ....." well, let's just say it got their attention, hearing an old sponsee share about that experience the other night bout made me cry.

When I worked my steps I realized everything I had ever labeled as "good" had brought me pain and suffering, and everything I had ever labeled as "bad" had brought me growth.

The difference between a good day and a bad day is about five years of hindsight for me, I am that stupid.

The Butterfly effect is an important thing, but what I learned from all that was I am in fact, not God, and I was better off not pretending I was, and that I truly don't know what's best for others...don't get me wrong, I have sponsored probably...I don't know...50? 60? guys, taking at least over thirty through the steps, and thats a goodness, and in ten years working an ambulance I literally saved 100's of lives, Good Works are beyond important to me as "Faith without works is dead" but I need to let go of the idea I am anything but the vehicle, and realize "I know but little" and truthfully...I know less then that.

If guys like Gandhi, Bill W, Martin Luther King jr say things like that, how much more important is it for me, a "dumb as a box of hair" surfer guy to realize the vastness of my limitations?

Good topic

[fraankie]

"....actions of two people long ago created a family gathering of 75 people ....."
nice picture
but
it took 64 years of posing
who wasn't there this year?
and
what years were you not there?
every family has a constitution
dad works
mom cooks
joe likes sports
mary dates
judy don't
captainzing drinks
tommy don't
so on thru the family
so
we all supplement each other
perhaps joe's interest in sports was inspired by dad
mary was outgoing so she dated
judy was shy
captainzing drank cause his feelings were hurt that tommy didn't go to the ballgame with him
tommy didn't drink cause he was busy telling everyone you did drink
tommy eventually took a literature course in college and is a great writer
judy is no longer shy cause she focused on a fashion degree mary inspired her not to date
of course, it's all fictional
but
in some families, there is someone kept down
maybe you were
but
it helped the others succeed
or achieve their goals thru you
or mary
or tom, etc
so who is not at the table this thanksgiving
that someone is saying
harry isn't here cause he is working all the time
and
that inspires kathy to start jogging or join a gym
who got the wishbone?

best
frankie

[gravity]

I will never know how my past actions impacted everything else.

Would things be different today if I quit drinking 10 years ago? Definitely. Better? No idea.

I have a 7 year old son and a 5 year old girl - my most precious gifts. Would they be here?

I'd rather not know the answer.

This helps me accept the past, even be grateful for it.

Right now, everything is perfect.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Originally Posted by gravity

I will never know how my past actions impacted everything else.

Would things be different today if I quit drinking 10 years ago? Definitely. Better? No idea.

I have a 7 year old son and a 5 year old girl - my most precious gifts. Would they be here?

I'd rather not know the answer.

This helps me accept the past, even be grateful for it.

Right now, everything is perfect.

It took what it took to get us to this point in our lives!!!