Four Hideous Horsemen

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Four Hideous Horsemen Terror - Despair - Bewilderment - Frustration

I sat at a meeting listening to a lady talk of having a drunk dream. She mentioned how the rest of the day she couldn't get those thoughts from her mind. She tried to call people that, were or, that had been in the program for advice etc.

I'd forgotten how the chapter of a Vision for you went.
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt -- and one more failure.

I recall the last few nightmares I had of drinking. Waking up with despair. My first thoughts waking up were of having to turn my coin in. Another one I had where I was somewhere that, drugs were found and being escorted out by police . I remember, I kept telling them the drugs weren't mine.

The chapter also describes being outside that bar and having thoughts of maybe, having one drink or, perhaps a soft drink etc. Until, out of desperation, making that call instead.

I'm glad, my sobriety is such where, drinking is no longer a thought or, an option in my life today. I think, these four words describe it all Terror - Despair - Bewilderment - Frustration, with having any thoughts towards picking up that drink again.

Another Thanksgiving is once upon us. If, for no other thing than to be sober today, it's a daily thanksgiving to be thankful for.

Quote:Alcoholics Anonymous
First Edition

[CAPTAINZING2000]

oops sorry about not giving the source except the chapter!!

[bballdad]

every day can be Thanksgiving for us,considering where we used to be

[Music]

Hi Cap,
I've had those dreams. Woke up stricken with terror and disappointment. But I soon realized it was only a dream and my mind went directly to God with gratitude, that He allowed me to experience what it used to be like in the comfort and safety of my bed. I look at these dreams as subtle reminders from God and that I'm only this far from a drunk, caused by that first drink.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. I can't imagine what my life would be like today if I were still drinking, if I was alive at all. God Bless.

[nandm]

I love this passage as it describes perfectly the end of my drinking career. Here are some thoughts on the passage. I have also included the second paragraph, which I find truly brings the first one into perspective.

For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship, and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom, and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends, and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearnining to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt---one more failure.

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did---then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen---Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!

We are not anti-alcohol, anti-drinking, or anti-anything. People who are able to control their drinking have no need to abstain. We do not concern ourselves whatsoever with anyone else's decision to drink or not.

One old timer said that "Once we are pickled, we can never be cucumbers again." The truth of this statement has been borne out in the vast expxerience of A.A. members. Once we lose our ability to control out drinking, it is gone forever.

We experience Terror that we are out of control, Bewilderment that despite our firm resolve we have gotten drunk again, Frustration that our willpower can not bring about the life that we desire, and Despair that we will ever rise out of the mire into which we are sinking.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

It's so nice not to mess up our holidays today.

I often remind people of the rippling effect we have on others.

The loved ones that suffer thru this with us. Not showing up for a family holiday, making an @ss of ourselves at a family holiday. Or worse yet, getting arrested over a holiday.

Countless vain attempts.

Thanks for the comments everyone

Hope, your Thanksgiving is filled with blessings of love