Speaking at Meetings

[TTOSBT]

Hi there,
I spoke at a meeting for the first time last night. I was the 10 minute speaker and my sponsor was the main speaker. I only have about 6 1/2 months sobriety, bit I am chatty, hehe.
I was SO nervous and I am a perfectionist, so not being "prepared" was terrifying!
But I did fine, in fact was given rave reviews from those in the meeting
But I did speak for 25 minutes, lol. Yikes! Forgot to bring a watch, but no one told me to stop.
Of course in hindsight, there were a million things about recovery that I wish I had said.
So I wanted to hear about YOUR experiences with speaking. Did you prepare, bring notes, or just wing it?
Share, share, share!

[Astro]

I've tried bringing notes but I usually just end up winging it, seems to work out best that way.

I always spend the week beforehand obsessing over what I'm going to share though and then I forget most of it anyway!

To me it's just a miracle that I'm able to share at all. I dropped out of speech class in high school because I was deathly afraid of public speaking, my disease was just getting geared up and I was already ashamed of looking people in the eye.

Nowadays I make quite a few announcements at my AA meetings. Go figure! I guess sobriety gave me more courage than alcohol ever did.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

I posted my story on here. Later on, I printed off and went over it before I spoke.

The last time I spoke, I said a little prayer to make sure, my words were from the heart and that, anyone needing to hear what I said, would get the message!

[Rowan]

Ha timely subject - I'm speaking tonight at a member's 1 year celebration which is an honour. I am hoping I only have 20 minutes to speak. Tonight will be a fairly small meeting but I'm more nervous than I would be at a large meeting. Making it smaller makes it more intimate, but I remember that I am among friends, and with my HP.

I used to prepare, but now rarely do. I always find that the right words are put into my mouth - which I hope reach the newcomer, especially.

[TTOSBT]

Thanks guys!
Yes, my sponsor and I said the 3rd step prayer before we got there.
Then I prayed for my HP to speak through me and that I not let ego and self centeredness divert me from my primary purpose. All of this helped tremendously!

Not mention that I stopped worrying about what I looked like and put on a Chargers jersey for good luck. (The meeting was during the game last night). Unfortunately it did not help my team but it did help me not to worry about how "good" I looked. I knew I didn't, so no worries

[Pam08]

wow,, I can't imagine being a speaker at an AA meeting. I can connect with Astro as I flunked or got a d in speach in school, I was yoo scared to make the speaches..I get all nervous infront of people...even when i got married the first time, I was shaking upa storm...geez..I would be thrilled if sobriety gave me more courage then the alcohol did, for when i was drunk I would to anyone, infront of anyone, but didn't make a bit of sence...guess time will tell, I am hoping a life change for me, completely, Iam working on that to happen in time.

[CarolD]

The first time...I did make an outline
but forgot to take it to the podium....

Never bothered since then..a quick prayer ..
I open my mouth and let it flow.

I never know exactly what I have shared
and it does not matter. Someone in that
room will hear what they need for that night

I'm grateful to be a voice for recovery.

[navysteve]

Page 58 of the Big Book says it all:

Our stories disclose in a general way what it used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. No need for rehearsal. I do not need to speak in length about my drinking, I also do not need to sound off about the 12 steps.

[kj3880]

I speak in public at work, even on TV at times, and am never nervous at all, because it isn't about me at work. But at meetings it is a different story, completely. It is so personal, and I think I sound stupid, really. I felt after my first speaker share that I talked too fast, and that my story is kinda boring. I mean, I never really lived out on the streets, prosituted per say, or even copped drugs on the corner or anything interesting like that. But I hope that maybe I helped the few people there who hadn't heard anyone speak who didn't have a low bottom and maybe it helped them to see that they are an addict even if they didn't do all that. And what they can do about their problem.
KJ

[Ago]

Originally Posted by CarolD

The first time...I did make an outline
but forgot to take it to the podium....

Never bothered since then..a quick prayer ..
I open my mouth and let it flow.

I never know exactly what I have shared
and it does not matter. Someone in that
room will hear what they need for that night

I'm grateful to be a voice for recovery.

pretty much my experience as well

we share in a general way what it used to be like, what happened, what it's like now, although it's looked "differently" on different occasions, ie sometimes taking place in "flashbacks" as I talk about "what it's like now"

I don't remember a word I've said, except i remember everything I left out

It's been easier to address 100's of people then one "pitch" I did 2 weeks ago to three people in an "H and I" (hospitals and institutions) meeting, I spoke at a pretty large NA meeting about a month ago, and I spent more time on "war stories" then I usually do since there were over 50 "nudge from the judge" cards to be signed

[TTOSBT]

Thanks you guys!
I did not talk for a long time on the drunkalog but I almost thought I said too much. I said this to a woman that came up to thank me and she said that no it was important to share that part so that people can "relate" to me. Hmm, never thought about it that way...

[Ago]

Originally Posted by TTOSBT

Thanks you guys!
I did not talk for a long time on the drunkalog but I almost thought I said too much. I said this to a woman that came up to thank me and she said that no it was important to share that part so that people can "relate" to me. Hmm, never thought about it that way...

"war stories" were absolutely indispensable for me to hear when I was new so I knew I was in the right place.

I was terminally unique, no one was like me, no one understood me, so when some guy in a tie, or the prettiest girl I had ever seen had stories about robbing banks shooting leprechauns with double barreled shotguns sleeping with strangers, standing there at 8 AM with puke on her dress just having been caught in bed with her husbands brother yelling "F you!!! I was your high water mark!!!!" I knew I belonged.

had a crush on that girl for about ten years and am still sweet on her today although I never saw her again, and it was nearly twenty years ago.

"War Stories" definitely have their place, although they aren't very important to me today, it's important the newcomer "identifies", it's a very important part of "the process" or it was for me.

[bballdad]

TTOSBT
I`m sure you did fine and I would have loved to heard it.
I usually have to talk about 12-20 times a year around these parts.It seems to come in spurts.I usually do say a prayer first,God,please keep me out of the way so I can carry your message of Alcoholics Anonymous.Geez,i`m supossed to go talk twice in the next 4 weeks now that I think bout it..

I love drunk a logs because they give a newcomer a chance to relate.Thats what happened to me when I was new,I related to a little Grey haired lady and I picked up my last white chip then.She became a good friend and died last yr with many yrs of good sobriety.Anyway,I usually tell a few short drinking jokes at the start , it seems to help ease the nervousness and looses up everyone.I do my story a tad bit different than I used to.
Since alcoholism is a family illness and since I used to think my drinking did not effect anyone but me,I include a few things about how my drinking affected myself and family.They are part of my story,from the drunk family fights to the separations to the ala non my wife first attended and how she quit enabling me,and what effect it had.. .I usually tell about my bottom and then my experience with sponsorship,and the first 5 steps,because that is where I had the most trouble,but got the most relief.Hopefully I will have some time left to share what my sober life and family is like today ...I tell my story but my family is included in it a little bit.The book gives us 2 sets of directions,the 2nd being to tell how we established out relationship with God,and those first 5 steps did excaly that for me.
I have always heard there are 3 kinds of talks
the one we wanted to give
the one we gave
the one we wished we would have gave..

anyway,when it is over,I leave it there at the podium...

hang in there,I`m sure you will do fine the next time they tag you too
keep carrying the message!

[Clutch B]

Congrats! I've heard alot of speakers, but I'm not ready to speak yet.

The best speaker I've ever heard told us how she worked the steps. She talked about each step, what she struggled with, and how she worked through it.

Out of all the speakers I've ever heard, she was the only one who actually explained how she worked the steps. I guess that's why I liked her story so much.

[jim11]

Originally Posted by kj3880

at meetings it is a different story, completely. It is so personal, and I think I sound stupid, really. I felt after my first speaker share that I talked too fast, and that my story is kinda boring. I mean, I never really lived out on the streets, prosituted per say, or even copped drugs on the corner or anything interesting like that. But I hope that maybe I helped the few people there who hadn't heard anyone speak who didn't have a low bottom and maybe it helped them to see that they are an addict even if they didn't do all that. And what they can do about their problem.
KJ

Yes I am the same, I have been to a couple of meetings now and feel a little intimidated becouse i am not at the rock bottom that alot have experianced, but i will be if i pick up a beer.

[Emimily]

i've been a ten minute speaker at my boyfriend's home group, before we started dating. turns out that's what got him into me, hahaha... i've also told my story at my home group, and another meeting in town. turns out okay, i s'pose. i'm certainly not a circuit speaker by any stretch of the imagination, but i'll do anything AA asks of me, without a second thought.

[Ago]

Note to self:

Don't answer the $#&(0 phone

it might be AA, I answered the phone now and I have to go "pitch" at another H and I meeting, this time in the local hospital on the night before Thanksgiving

(smiling, having fun, looking forward to it and b1tching about it all the way there, so very happy I get to "give back" some more, especially on a VERY tough day for alcoholics)

I have to admit "false modesty" and "muttering under my breath" are still character defects I enjoy, both with a big grin, I enjoy the awww shucks and shuffling my feet, and I enjoy appearing to be the cantankerous guy that you know secretly has the "heart of gold" and I do it knowingly and in a full spirit of fun, people enjoy thinking they "see right through me".

More bees with honey then vinegar or something.

[Lily]

Originally Posted by TTOSBT

Thanks guys!
Not mention that I stopped worrying about what I looked like and put on a Chargers jersey for good luck.

GO CHARGERS! did you wear an LT Jersey? I am a Charger fan having been born and raised in So CAL, now I am in the middle of Packer Country! HAHA!

[jimhere]

For most of my first year of sobriety the only way I expressed myself at meetings was through outbursts of anger and profanity. That was the only way I could express the sort of loneliness and isolation that I felt.

I did my first Fifth Step when I was just over a year sober. I remember my sponsor telling me to go home and find a place where I could be quiet for an hour and review the work I had done. He was speaking at a large speaker meeting in Seattle that evening and told me he would be by to pick me up later so I could ride along with him.

He picked me up at my place and it was a quiet ride most of the way. As we pulled up in front of the meeting hall, he said "Oh, by the way, you are the first speaker." I was terrified. There were probably three hundred fifty people there. I said "I can't do this! I don't know what to say!" He said "Go into the prayer room and say a prayer." I asked "Where is the prayer room?" To which he replied "It's the bathroom! Go in there and say a prayer." Which I did. I found the restroom, knelt down and said a prayer. I've been doing that ever since.

I came out and spoke for twenty-five minutes. I don't remember what I said but I remember being at ease. In fact I was experiencing the Fifth Step "Promises." I had just spent, for maybe the first time in my life, an hour of being alone at perfect peace and ease. As I stood behind that podium, I realized that I was able to look those people in the eyes.

That was nearly seventeen years ago. The downside is that they haven't been able to shut me up since-LOL!
Jim

[sugErspun]

I dropped public speaking in college 5 times...every time I would sign up and tell myself "I will go through with it" - then came the day that I would have to speak and invariably I would miss class and drop the course.

To say I get nervous is an understatement.

Twice I have been asked to do 15-20 minute talks since I got sober. The first was at 8 weeks sober, I was in the middle of the second step and my sponsor asked me to meet him at a youth facility in his town - so I showed up and told those "kids" my story. Most of it revolved around my use and progression. The kids were very interested in the amount I drank every day - and how much I drank when I was their age. I also included what I was currently doing (the steps) and how it was affecting my life (I was not a happy camper at the second step ... a little irritable most of the time). Luckily 4 of us went that night, I was the "baby" with the least amount of time. We had a young lady with 4 years...another with 9 years..and my sponsor with 19 years. The kids voluntarily came to the meeting and were not required to stay or even pay attention - but they did, and wanted to talk more after the meeting.

About two months ago - I was asked to be the lead speaker at my home group (I should know better than to show up when my sponsor is the leader for the month.) He asked me a week in advance to make sure I could be there - I told him he was better off telling me 5 minutes before the meeting started because I was going to be a wreck for a week. I think I even said "I'll draft an outline"(as a joke)...his response "Good, show it to me before your talk so I can tear it up." For the most part I put it out of my mind for the next week - going with the same strategy I went with for my brother's wedding when I had to give the 'best man' speech..that strategy was "wing it - and speak from the heart".

I went into the bathroom before the meeting and said "I can't do this. If I have something that someone needs to hear..let it come out clearly". I didn't ask to not be nervous, I didn't ask to speak "well" or impress anyone...or even get through it without passing out (I get nervous you know).

The only drinking story I told was about my last drink - sober 14 months and seemingly happy (life was good for the most part). Just to get drunk - and to this day, I have no idea what happened...then I explain why I am alcoholic (when I drink I don't know when I will stop - and I can't stay stopped [which is obvious from my last drunk]). Then I talked about my experience in recovering from alcoholism - what I had done since first coming to that group. I spent a little time on the tenth step ~ at the time I had become very uncomfortable with my 10th step practice...I felt I was being the arbiter of what qualified as 'discussable' with another person - and what I did about that (talked to sponsor honestly about how I felt, and read the book together to see 'precisely' what it says to do).

A lot of people thanked me, said it was a great talk and I was not nervous at all. It brought me closer to the folks in my home group and I felt more 'a part of' than ever before. It was a giant hurdle and I am happy that it was done.

...pheww...........

[gravity]

Public speaking used to be one of my greatest fears. In university, I would not take a course if there were any presentations involved. My fear was seriously limiting my career. If I had to speak in front of a group, I would obsess about it for weeks – terrified, couldn’t sleep (of course, I would drink to “ease the stress”).

About five years ago, I had enough and started to force myself to speak. I believe that the Creator has a plan for me and I have to at least try to overcome this fear to fulfill this plan. I have to share what I have to help others.

I have spoken to groups of up to 200 people. Prayer, preparation, and honesty. I only talk about things I know about. I am not the best public speaker, but it always work out fine. The anxiety is still there but it is manageable. I have received some of the nicest compliments after my presentations - to the point, know my stuff, straight-shooter, ethical.

In AA meetings, I try to listen to what others are saying rather than think about what I am going to say. Someone always inspires me. I also try to relate what I say to the 12 steps, the solution. I remember what it was like for me when I first joined AA, how someone with even a few weeks of sobriety would give me hope. Everyone in the meeting room is important.

I equate the fear of public speaking with the fear of people. For most of my life, I felt inferior, not really a part of humanity - me against the world. I am starting to experience the 9th step promises, and, for the most part, I no longer feel like an outsider.

Fear of people…will leave us.

Keep working the steps and speak from your heart. It gets so much easier.



BB quote from the 1st edition of the BB.

[collinsmi]

Took public speaking in high school. I remember reading the liner notes from "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway", thinking that constituted a speech. It did not go well. So, for that reason (and generally the whole full of fear thing) I was not looking forward to my first AA speaking engagement which I did at my 1 year point.

Preparation involved wearing a suit (which I haven't done since). Sponsor said "pray that God speaks through you beforehand and get sober by 7:30". Spoke for only 20 minutes. It went great! Lost most of my fear about doing a speaker's meeting as a result. Remember speaking about how I'd always expected outside circumstances to make me happy but not much more.

Since then I've spoken a number of times, usually (but not always) on my AA birthday. Always prayed beforehand and tried to use the first half to talk about my pre-sobriety experiences and the last half about how I worked the steps and what I got out of it. Seemed to work well at first but now wonder if I can't do better job. I've since taken a public speaking course and learned the value of preparation. So I wonder whether just praying and trusting God is the best course. You can pray during preparation too. I've yet to put this plan into action.

[TTOSBT]

Thank you all SO much for sharing with me!!! I so love this program. I learn so much every day!

Lily, I wore a Tomlinson jersey It is an official jersey of my husband's that I was swimming in but I was comfy.

[navysteve]

I just came off a tour of duty where public speaking was my job. I would go into a room full of high ranking officers and it didn't phase me at all. But let me take the hot seat in an AA meeting and the butterflies come right back. Speaking on a topic that isn't me is easy, talking about me to a group of people who most likely accept me regardless of what I say sometimes seems quite difficult. I never do one hour solo speaker meetings anymore. I found I have a pretty good message for about 20 minutes, then it becomes entertainment or sensationalism. I also do not do convention speaking engagements. I got to do one and found that, although many people said I carried a great message, I felt like I put on a show. I see that in others and I don't care for it much, when I see it in myself I get sick in my stomach. I do try to be respectful when I speak in an AA meeting. I did alot more other substances. I know the pain of being dope sick, but it (in my opinion) need not be discussed in length in an AA meeting because it has the potential to put a wedge between me and other sin the room. So does profanity. I can cuss with the best of them ( and often do) but in a meeting ( this is just for me) I try to carry a message that will reach the most people it can. I try to remove any controversy, or divisive language or topics.

[activia]

If there is one major fear in my life, it is speaking in front of people .

In fact, if I know I have a speaking arrangement in the near future, I'll actually start *getting anxious* even months ahead of time!!

Sobriety has done a lot for me in this department though; it has 'forced' me to face this fear, and really shows me that I have little to fear, as God will take care of the results.

I used to (and to some extent still do) try and avoid being asked to speak at speaker meetings (I don't have much of a problem sharing in regular meetings). Even after several years of sobriety, I still get nervous when being asked to speak. Even if somebody approaches me or calls me, and I suspect that is what they are going to ask me, I get nervous, and I used to try and avoid it.

But somebody might benefit from my story, so whenever I'm asked, I'll do it. I tried it with notes once, but it was too mechanical. So now I just tell my story. How it was, what happened, and what it is like now. I try and not worry that I fill up the whole hour (I've finished 20 minutes early sometimes, and believe me, nobody cares!!), or worry that I have a few moments of silence while I remember back on something. Nobody notices that I am nervous, and even if they did, they wouldn't care. They just came to hear my story, not watch a public performance!