Powerfully Recoverd

[jimhere]

False modesty has been a severe shortcoming for me in the past.

Used to be that I couldn't take a compliment, much less a criticism. Some one would compliment me on a talk I gave and I would usually say something "Well, it really wasn't me, it was God," or something like that. It took me a long time to be able to say a simple "Thank You."

I would try to fit my message in AA to who I thought was listening. I would be apolgetic for my experience and for my faith. All so others would not be uncomfortable. The one that was uncomfortable was me. At some point I decided no more tip-toeing around and walking on eggshells so that someone's sensitive little alcoholic feelings won't get hurt. Like Popeye said "I AM who I AM." I AM what God made me to be. Where I AM God is. The Carpenter didn't apologize for being the son of God. He made the bold statement that I AM. And they killed him for telling the truth.

Marianne Williamson wrote something that I find appropriate here:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
(With power comes responsibility. Most of us would rather stay powerless, in the dark, and irresponsible)

It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.

We ask ourselves "Who am I to be brilliant gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"

Actually who are you not be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fears, our very presence liberates others.

Powerful stuff. We tap into real power here, and it is power to live by. Sometimes more than I know what to do with, because just like lack of power can be a dilemma, power can be a dilemma if I don't know what to do with it.

The book tells me what to do with it. I have recovered and have been given the power to help others. Ebby knew that when he called on Bill. Bill saw something radically different about Ebby and wondered what had gotten into him. What had gotten into Ebby was God and he didn't apologize for it. Instead he made the point blank declaration that God gad done for him what he couldn't do for himself. Dr. Bob didn't apologize for it in his story either. The old-timers knew what they had tapped into.

I have been asked why I am so arrogant. Why shouldn't I be utterly confident in the Presence of God?
Jim

[Clutch B]

Whatever keeps you sober, keep doing it.

And if it helps you feel closer to your concept of a higher power, keep doing it.

Someone said something in a meeting that offended me at first. They said, "I'd rather give a resentment than get one." I'm still trying to understand that. I guess I've always been a people-pleaser. But that isn't good for my sobriety. And I'm not helpful to anyone if I'm not sober and making progress.

I'm not sure if this falls into line with your post, but it kind of reminded me of it.

(PS - There are so many different viewpoints and I don't always share mine very well. So I don't mean any offense to anyone. Tact is not one of my strengths, but I know I need to work on it.)

(PPS - That's one of my favorite poems/writings! So thanks for posting it and reminding me of it.)

[Sugah]

I read page 37 in As Bill Sees It last night. It seemed to me to be a good and reasonable guide in appreciating the blessing in my life without falling prey to conceit and arrogance.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

P.S. I've given the Marianne Williamson quote to sponsees who have struggled with fear of achieving.

[Lily]

I do think we can be confident in the presence of God, but I also read that we are to put no confidence in the flesh. For me that means don't boast in the flesh thinking you are too mighty to never fall. The devil goes about seeking whom he can devour. I think he wants to make us ineffective. I also know that is says 6 things God hates, and number 2 is a proud look. James tells us to humble thyself in the sight of the Lord. So we just need to be careful, remain humble, but be bold! And for me like Paul, I will boast in the Lord. :-)

Good post! Blessings, Sheila

[lizw]

I quite use to like the term 'people pleaser' as I thought it made me sound like I really wanted to 'please people' so I was I must've been a REALLY nice person, which is so far from the truth it is mad. Lol.

The real reason I was pleasing people was to get something out of them. I.e. attention, friendship etc...

But I have a cunning mind too, you see, so folllowing that, I can also be disagreeable with everyone I meet, come into contact with as well.

Chosing what is best for me, expressing my thoughts then letting them go and/or letting go of the outcome and then being/acting responsible for these things is a hard friggin thing for me to learn!!

And living in a way that allows others to do the same, or at least not putting them down for it, is also a hard lesson for me.

I am reminded of that phrase, one can't believe in God and play God at the same time.

Great thread.

[Dee74]

I don't know - I've always liked this quote by William Temple


Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all.

I also like this old Hasidic Saying

The man who thinks he can live without others is mistaken; the one who thinks others can't live without him is even more deluded.

D

[navysteve]

Great post Jim!

Funny you should mention Ebby. True enough, he did provide a powerful example for Bill. He also provides a powerful example for the rest of us. Ebby had carried the message of the Oxford Group to Bill with great care and dedication---that recovery from alcoholism was possible using spiritual principles, but only if it was combined with practical actions.
Ebby, however, took a different path, one that caused him to have a series of relapses. The man whom Bill Wilson called his sponsor could not stay sober himself, and became an embarrassment. There were periods of sobriety, some long, some short, but eventually Ebby would, "fall off the wagon," as he called it.

More revealingly, Ebby referred to his periods of sobriety as, "being on the wagon." For an AA to regularly use this sort of language is an indication that the commitment to sobriety is temporary in nature. If there is an "on the wagon" then there is an "off the wagon" too. And that was the on/off cycle of Ebby's drinking.

Some of Ebby's own letters illustrate that he seemed to be "around" AA, but never really "in" it. Typical correspondence from AA's devotes substantial discussion to the AA Program and the application of the Steps to their own lives. Ebby's letters avoid these topics and are significant for what they don't say. In 1954, Bill wrote that Ebby now, "shows more signs of really joining AA than ever before." The implication is that Ebby had shown less commitment to the AA program before then, but even at that time, there were still substantial doubts about his sincerity.

Ebby drifted in and out of sobriety, and in and out of AA, with many AA members trying to help him regain a more stable sobriety. The person who was ultimately successful was Searcy W., who had established a hospital for alcoholics in Texas. Early in 1953, Searcy had asked Bill what he would like to see happen in AA, and Bill said, "I would like for Ebby to have a chance to sober up in your clinic." Several months later, it came to pass, and after a short slip in 1954, Ebby remained sober for seven years.

Hmmm....

So a rehab helped him. Even though he would drink again. He did sober with about two years under his belt. With no AA meetings however.

[AW2486]

I read somewhere that Ebby had a deep resentment of not being considered one of AA Co-Founders.

I know many in AA that are very confident in the Presence of God. But they choose not to wear it on their sleeve. I try to be like them.

Andy

[Lily]

Originally Posted by Dee74

I don't know - I've always liked this quote by William Temple


Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all.

ID

Oh, I love this definition of humility! Thanks Dee! I need to write that one down.

Sheila

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by Dee74

I don't know - I've always liked this quote by William Temple


Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all.

I also like this old Hasidic Saying

The man who thinks he can live without others is mistaken; the one who thinks others can't live without him is even more deluded.

D

I like both of those quotes Dee. As for the first one, I don't think I am quite there yet.

As for not wearing my confidence on my sleeve, what about some of the things The Carpenter said like "Don't put your light under a basket, but be a city on a hill for all to see." Probably not the exact scripture but I think I get the gist of it. Or how about "Let your works glorify your Father who is in heaven." I don't walk around proclaiming how confident I am-I let my life say it. Or I should say most of the time that is the case.

What is it the book says about being God's people and not crawling before anyone or being servile or scraping? Of course we are talking about amends here, but it also says that my man is going to more interested in a demonstration of spiritual principles than my talk of spiritual discoveries. a demonstration means how I live. And of course amends is just one of God's kids that has made some mistakes going to another of God's kids that has made some mistakes. After I remove what blocks me from the awareness that I and The Father are one I am able to see that in another person.

As for Ebby, it looks like you've read the same stuff I read, Steve. I recently read Mel B.'s book about Ebby. Mel has written some great little books about AA and its roots. When Ebby first came to see Bill, he was definitely a changed man, at least for a short while. I think one of the reasons Ebby didn't make it was that he didn't have the First Step as it was given to Bill by Dr. Silkworth. Ebby was like a lot of us, he just wanted to get the heat off and get his life back together. It wasn't a life-and-death errand for him. He seemed to be more interested in getting a girlfriend and a good job than in living a spiritual way of life.

That is also the difference between Ebby and another controversial figure in AA history, Clarence Snyder. Clarence was probably one of the most arrogant (or maybe just supremely confident in his recovery) and abrasive of the early members. And he was also envious of the recognition that Bill Wilson recieved as founder. Yet he maintained long term sobriety and helped many to recover. He understood alcoholism and one of the things he did in his work with others was to qualify them and to help them understand alcoholism and how important AA's single purpose is.
Jim

Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition

[navysteve]

What I get from Ebby is a reminder that what I really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual maintenance. He may have had "it" when he went to see Bill, but according to those who knew him, loved him, and carried him, he was satisfied just being around AA. We can't rest on our laurels.

I am not much of a fan of Clarence Snyder myself. He seems to be the Patron Saint of a$$holism ( Just my honest opinion, based on what I read about him. Wasn't he one of the first to get mad at NY AA??? My memory isn't working right now)

Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition

[jimhere]

I'm not a fan of Clarence either, but I can't deny his role in the growth and development of Big Book based one-on-one sponsorship. In the present day not a fan of Clancy either. Met the man, don't like him. But I don't think he liked me much either. Regardless, he's helped many.

And yes, Clarence wasn't fond of Bill and NY AA. But I think one of the first (after Ebby) to let problems of money and prestige get the best of him was Hank Parkhurst, author of the chapter To Employers. He was the guy in the Dr.'s Opinion that Silkworth said seemed to be case of pathological mental deteoration. He was the first guy Bill helped get sober after Bill returned from Akron. Hank had been an executive at Standard Oil and lost everything through drinking. Being just as much or more a power driver than Bill, he wanted the recognition that Bill got, He also had a thing for Ruth Hock, the first paid AA employee. Hank thought Bill had something going on with her. Any way Hank got drunk after four years and was a mean, nasty drunk. He would show up in the office drunk and wanting money. He went to Akron & Cleveland to spread vicious rumours about Bill Wilson. Hank never got sober again. Hank died a lonely, miserable alcoholic death.

[Lily]

You know what word I love? Meekness. The Carpenter was meek. Some ppl say meekness means weekness, I think not. I think they are terribly mistaken.

I heard a great definition of meekness once. Strength under control.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by Lily

You know what word I love? Meekness. The Carpenter was meek. Some ppl say meekness means weekness, I think not. I think they are terribly mistaken.

I heard a great definition of meekness once. Strength under control.

I like that.

One of my heroes in AA was a man who embodied that. A strong, gentle, and kind man who at the same time was a very principled man and stood on principle. A true walking demonstration of the Power of God. It was because of men like him that I came to believe in the power of God.

Nowhere in our book does it say that you must believe in God to recover. It does say in at least one place that you must believe in the power of God if you are going to recover.

Bill Wilson came to believe in the power of God because it was sitting across from him at his kitchen table. I came to believe in the power of God because I saw it walking around. I could put names on it. These were men who had been like me, hopeless alcoholics and useless to themselves and everyone else. They said that God had changed them. I knew I needed to be changed, so I went with them.

And now God has changed me. I am not who I was when I got to AA. Like Ebby, my roots grasp new soil.
Jim

Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition