Question about meeting attendance.

[notsofast]

I have a question-

I am not in recovery but am hoping that someone can answer.

I know everyone is different, but I want to know what works best for you as far as frequency of meeting attendance?

2,3,4,5 times a week? etc.

[Astro]

Yep, everyone is different. I like to attend at least one meeting a day, sometimes more. I've been doing it for almost 4 years.

Someone shared a good story last week about a sponsee who asked his sponsor what day he should go if he only wanted to attend one meeting a week, to which the sponsor replied "I don't know, so you'd better go every day. After all, how will you know which day you'll hear the message that you need?"

I've tried cutting back on meetings, but it just doesn't work well for me. I've found a home and a family in the rooms of recovery, so it's only natural that I feel comfortable at meetings.

[bugsworth]

notsofast, I no longer attend aa, but the "program" originally was meant to be once a week. Some people tend to over do everything!

[sugErspun]

I go once, sometimes twice per week to official (listed) AA meetings.

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by bugsworth

notsofast, I no longer attend aa, but the "program" originally was meant to be once a week. Some people tend to over do everything!

Where in the BB does it tell me that I am only supposed to go once a week, or else I am overdoing it? Not trying to start an argument, I'm just wondering which page you got that from.

[bugsworth]

Bob, if you need to go more than once a week it would not be over doing it.

The "program" was designed for a weekly meeting.

[Rowan]

Hi notsofast,

I'm curious as to why you started this thread, since you are not in recovery? Are you considering getting sober? Just wondering.

I go to 2-3 meetings a week - sometimes as many as 5. It depends.

[notsofast]

No, I don't drink at all, never really have, but my BF is in recovery.

He never really talks to me about his program-ever-except when he mentions going to a meeting.

He is around 22 months sober, and goes about once a week, if that. When we met he went every day, that was 15 months ago.

I know there is no "norm", but he never talks about AA and I was curious to see how often other people went.

[justforme]

I go every day. I have 18 days sober, and right now a meeting every evening is what is keeping me sober.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by notsofast

No, I don't drink at all, never really have, but my BF is in recovery.

Ah, OK. Question (I'm playing devil's advocate. Not trying to pick a fight) How often are you going to Al-Anon meetings and working on your program of recovery?

I only ask because I know that if my GF wasn't also working a program (in CoDA and Al-Anon) it would be very difficult for us to have a healthy relationship. That's just my opinion though. I'm in AA but also attend Al-Anon and CoDA in order to understand both sides of the disease, and it also helps me to look at my other addictions.

[nandm]

Originally Posted by bugsworth

Bob, if you need to go more than once a week it would not be over doing it.

The "program" was designed for a weekly meeting.

Originally Posted by bob_sapp

Where in the BB does it tell me that I am only supposed to go once a week, or else I am overdoing it? Not trying to start an argument, I'm just wondering which page you got that from.

I to am still trying to figure out where in the Big Book, which outlines the program, it states that meetings are a once a week thing.

Can you please clarify your statement, Bugs?

[RufusACanal]

I go every couple of weeks, then I go weekly. According to work and home stuff.

[notsofast]

Astro-

Funny that you ask. You see, I have never attended Al-Anon. I expressed interest and at first he was excited. Then he talked to his sponsor about it I guess, and told me his sponsor "hated" it when his wife went to Al-Anon because it was "just another reminder that he's a drunk."

My BF never told me NOT to go, but after he talked to his sponsor he was not as excited about me going as he had been.

[bugsworth]

Since aa was modeled after the oxford group (which was once a week) it was common practice to attend meetings once a week. In the beginning there were not meetings everyday. (aa history will support this)

notsofast...are you concerned about your BF's attendance or sobriety?

[notsofast]

bugsworth,

I wouldn't say I am concerned, but I do notice a difference in the way he relates to me, and the way he is in general, since he stepped down his attendance.

I LOVE it when he goes to meetings. When he only goes once a week or once every two weeks, he's a little different.

Not even sure if meeting attendance is related to his mood, but they do seem to coincide.

[RufusACanal]

Sorry to hear notsofast, but no issue. Alanon is a program for those folks who are affected by Alcoholism via another human. Alanon is a recovery community styled after AA but for folks like yourself to have the opportunity to work on your own life and not the Alcoholic.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by RufusACanal

Sorry to hear notsofast, but no issue. Alanon is a program for those folks who are affected by Alcoholism via another human. Alanon is a recovery community styled after AA but for folks like yourself to have the opportunity to work on your own life and not the Alcoholic.

Bingo! Recovery is about working on me and my issues.

On the nights he goes to his AA meetings, maybe you could take in a recovery meeting of your own?

[bugsworth]

I understand your concern...I stopped going altogether...I changed, but it does not mean it is a bad thing. Keep an eye...stay supportive and take care of you!

[nandm]

Thank you for clarifying your opinion, Bugs.

I will continue to believe that since it states nowhere in the Big Book the number of meetings one is to attend each week that it is a personal decision as to what is best for them rather than some unwritten rule.

[notsofast]

Yes, I would love to start Alanon.

I'm still a bit scared that he might not like it after what he told me about his sponsor and his wife.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by notsofast

I know everyone is different, but I want to know what works best for you as far as frequency of meeting attendance?
.

Not only is everyone different but meeting attendance becomes less and less critical as we make spiritual progress.

In the beginning I needed a meeting at least every 2 days (3-4 per week).

Now that I have experienced the 9th & 10th step promises I can get by with 1 or 2 a month. Even then it is not for me but to carry a message to others.

[bugsworth]

No worries nandm..not so much opinion as fact but lets not mince words.

[navysteve]

Where in the BB does it tell me that I am only supposed to go once a week, or else I am overdoing it? Not trying to start an argument, I'm just wondering which page you got that from.

It doesn't at all, that is someones opinion and nothing more. Take it for what its worth and always consider the source!

I know everyone is different, but I want to know what works best for you as far as frequency of meeting attendance?

Just my opinion here, so take that for what its worth. Meeting attendance does not equal recovery, but...

If we believe in what the Big Book tells us then our very lives as ex-problem drinkers depend on our constant thinking of others ( this includes our non-alcoholic family and friends) We need to develop a balance, we need to be there for others like never before, we need to attend meetings to give away what was given to us. IF I am not willing to give back what was freely given to me, I am acting in a selfish way. I do not need meeting attendance to get fixed, I need to be there so the next man or woman has the chance I did. I also need to not be hiding from life in meetings. Meetings are very important, but they are not recovery...

I wouldn't say I am concerned, but I do notice a difference in the way he relates to me, and the way he is in general, since he stepped down his attendance.

I LOVE it when he goes to meetings. When he only goes once a week or once every two weeks, he's a little different.

Have you talked to him about that? He may feel he is not spending enough time with you??? ( Just a thought)

[kj3880]

Originally Posted by notsofast

Yes, I would love to start Alanon.

I'm still a bit scared that he might not like it after what he told me about his sponsor and his wife.

I think that you should definitely check out Alanon. I highly recommend it for you. You have to keep it on you in Alanon. You can't worry about what he thinks about that particular thing, just go. If you hate it, you can always not go back--as we say in the rooms, "we're happy to refund your misery."

I pray that you find the fellowship, joy, and freedom in Alanon that I find in the rooms of NA and AA.

Did you ever go to an anniversary meeting with him? In my area, it is traditional for wives and g/fs to attend the anniversary meetings, and they seem to really enjoy it.

Love from,
KJ

[NoelleR]

Hey Y'all ----

After reading some of these posts, I figured I'd do a wee bit of checking....in the BB to see what it did, or did not, say regarding meetings. What I found was that, although meetings were not a requirement, there were casual get-togethers on most evenings, and there was a ONCE-A-WEEK meetings for anyone and everyone interested in a spiritual way of life....and whadya know....it's in the BB, in A Vision For You.....check it out.....:

"Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed that someone's home did not shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer. In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary
to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems...the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems." (BB 1st ed pg 174; BB 3rd ed pgs 159-160).

.....Thx bugs, for the nudge toward checking up on AA's history....I'm much obliged; I just luv studying....lol


NoelleR

P.S. I also believe that the early AAer's would gather together for morning prayers and meditation and Bible readings. Would these be considered 'meetings'...?

P.P.S. Now I get to add a wee bit of my opinion (a tad ES&H too, perhaps).....lol Personally, since the Program of AA, for me anyway, is the Steps, and there is no mention of meetings in them, then I figure that they're not a requirement.....I don't need to be in meetings in order for me to 'give back' or for me to be available to the next man or woman who is reaching out.....I figure the 'there' (as in being responsible...) only means that I make myself available wherever I am.....I've been able to give back in many ways and in many places, not only within the four walls of an AA meeting. Sometimes I think that if I'm just sitting in those rooms waiting for that certain someone to come in, he/she may be walking past right then....or at the bus stop....or at the grocery store....or the liquor store..... (o: