Many realities ...

[barb dwyer]

I've recently celebrated my fiftieth birthday.
I'm amazed at the reflection that involved.
Huh.
Must be what people do if they don't drink away another day, huh?
They think about stuff.
I'm getting to an age
where to review this life...
takes a bit of time and sorting.
I used to be able to turn a simple birthday into a week long bender for everyone within a mile of me.

Anyhow:
I've a friend who's returned to drinking as their priority.
He's been in and out of the rooms for a couple of years now
and can never get to that third step...
which is what I couldn't do that first trip to AA back six years ago
or maybe it was seven.

Recently, he visited my house
and tried to tell me how out of control his life is becoming.
As if he couldn't understand why.

I was amazed to hear myself.
And I felt so ... detached ... while listening to him.
His inability to stop drinking ...
was not my 'fault'.

That is, far as I know -
the first time that was ever so ...
*clear* to me.
It was as clear as neon lights
he was not asking me for recovery
he was just 'running his riff'
so ...
I was not responsible.
He wasn't asking for help.

I heard myself saying something to him that
I would like to share because it's been quite thought provoking for me.

I have learned that there are many many realities
but there are only two worlds:
In one world there is hope
In the other ... there is none.

You so much as chage your mind about lunch...
and you've changed your reality.
But all those realities
can be taken down into two
and only two
worlds.
Hope.
Or No hope.

I have lived in both worlds.
I know what it's like in the world he's chosen.
I remember that world.
A cold, superficial ... shallow world
and I'm just another cold lifeless speck of sand
on the great beach of existance.

And I remember what it took for me to get out.
For existance ... is not life.

Thank GOD for the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous
and for the individuals who help me day to day to choose life.
Today -
I choose the world with hope.

Every day.

I choose.

Thanks.
Needed to share that.

[barb dwyer]

It had just never been so clear to me
that all we can do is listen
and love
and accept

until we are asked.

he wasn't.

And I didn't bleed over it.
I think it was .. peace.

[bballdad]

happy birthday Barb...

I got number 54 coming up soon too..

[simplysweet]

That was really beautiful. I, for my own sanity, had to take myself away from my best friend of 21 years. She has nothing now and it hurts me so bad to hear her speak of her dispair. However . . . . .

I am here, in this space, doing what I need to do for my family, my life, my job, my existence. My heart is on a string, but my life is on the path.

God bless to all that is suffering. Let us not forget where we come from.

[gravity]

In one world there is hope
In the other ... there is none.

A cold, superficial ... shallow world
and I'm just another cold lifeless speck of sand

I had my last drink sometime in the early morning of December 16, 2007 (I don't remember my last drink). I came to a few hours later, a broken man.

Driving home (a 2 hour drive), I stopped at a gas station and called the AA hotline in my home town. I had to dial about 6 different numbers before I reached someone. He invited me to his home and we talked for a few hours. The next evening, I started my first thread on SR and several alcoholics were so kind, understanding, and encouraging. The following evening, I went to my first AA meeting, the man I had met with me every step of the way (he became my sponsor).

I believe that the Creator gave me the strength & the courage to reach out for help. Where else could it have come from?

What other alcoholics gave me was that first glimmer of hope when I was truly hopeless. I remember those feelings so vividly. The people I have met and who have helped me on this journey are just incredible.

It is a different world. And it was right in front of me all along.

I have been very fortunate. Once I reached out, I left that cold shallow world behind, hopefully forever. I have a good life.

[CarolD]

Belated

Thanks for your powerful share barb

[SelfSeeking]

Just saw this thread... beautiful, Barb. Happy belated

[stone]

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

In one world there is hope
In the other ... there is none.

In one world there is God's truth
In the other ... there is despair.

Humility leads to bits of truth... bits of truth lead to more humility

[Tazman53]

Awesome post Barb, happy belated B-Day, I will be reflecting on 55 years here soon..... from years of hopelessness.... to hope, I live today, a few years ago I existed, what an awesome difference where hope reigns supreme!

[RufusACanal]

Barb....sloppy kisses and outrageous hugs!!!! Your New Life shines!!!!!!!!!!!!