"our lives had become unmanageable" - Is life now manageable?

[gravity]

I am currently in a 12 step commitment group and we are on step 1. This is my second time formally going through the steps.

When I first met my sponsor (first day sober), I told him my story…the obsession that always took me to the first drink, my inability to stop drinking once I started; my mental/physical health, family, and career all in jeopardy. I knew without a doubt that I was powerless over alcohol. He told me that my life was obviously unmanageable (I agreed) and we moved on to step 2.

On my first progression through the steps, I believe that I overcomplicated the process - confused myself, some second-guessing. I want to keep it simple this time.

I think I know what an unmanageable life is but what is a manageable life? At its core, I believe that it is about being responsible (e.g. For my spiritual, physical, mental, & emotional fitness; as a husband & father; as an employee; as a friend; as an AA member; as a human being). I know that I have my place in the world and I have to manage my responsibilities to the best of my ability. Everything else is not mine to manage.

I am curious about how others view the second part of step 1. Am I reading too much into it? Is it simply just a reference to how we were in the past? Any comments appreciated.

[CarolD]

I am very simple in my use of AA Gravity

I manage my new life very well....God smooths the way for me.

[lizw]

For me, when I try and control something that I have no control over, my life becomes unmanageable.

Obviously I can't control my drinking, neither can I control other people (what they do and say), the weather, the TV programming, my illness, what others think of me etc....I'm sure that makes sense.

What I can control is my attitude, what action I take, when I go to sleep (sometimes, insomnia is part of my illness) who I am friends with, who I talk to, what I eat, what I look at on the internet, what I do with my time, when and if I get excercise etc....

[Rowan]

My life was unmanageable while drinking.

It can and has been unmanageable while sober - but thankfully I am often able to work through situations by using my HP - and other recovery tools.

I'm in a Big Book Study group now also - and I just completed my fourth Step 4 - I will be doing my 5th tomorrow afternoon with my sponsor.

I feel ready.

[applesncream]

I have found that being powerless over alcohol and drugs was not the only thing that I was powerless over . More deeper rooted things like disfunctional family, enablers, people who say hurtful things, doubters, ... haters. I have made a pact with God to give to him my anxieties and my control over those hurtful things. I had a spiritual awakening because of it and am so happy I made it through the night sober. I prayed from 11 o'clock till 4 am . My son was late for school , but hey, I got through it, and I feel stronger and more connected to myHP!!

[miss communicat]

I appreciate the topic, Gravity.

Manageability in life is somewhere up there with balance....as concepts and ideals they are lovely and yet, sometimes trip me up if I thimnk too hard or strive too much to get "there". That leads me to believe manageability is a process and an ongoing practice of active acceptance, surrender, humlility, self honesty and gratitude.

Self honesty is required so that I can recognize my human limits. Acceptance is next. I must accept human restrictions and limits at the same time I embrace infinite potential with God at the center of my life.

I must surrender to time. Management of time, energy and resources can be done wisely, but I am not perfect at it. I pray for guidance and then do my best.

One day recently, I felt a moment of manageability sweep over me.

Then, it was gone.

lol....

[Celebration1994]

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

This explained to me how to handle unmanageability....The complete serenity prayer

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by gravity

I am curious about how others view the second part of step 1. Am I reading too much into it? Is it simply just a reference to how we were in the past? Any comments appreciated.

I never had any problems with alcohol being my master. In fact I would have been perfectly happy to die a drunk if it had not been for the fact that alcohol stopped doing its job for me. That is, the job of giving me comfort from real life problems.

When alcohol started to make me blackout before it gave me comfort is when my life became unmanageable. I could not live with the consequences of my drinking nor could I live without the drink. I was truly in a double-bind situation. Alcohol became a rock and abstinence became a hard-place.
Neither of which was something that I could manage on my own.

[Dean62]

Accepting the things I can not change has made my life more manageable by default. However I still have people who are bent on controlling and managing parts of my life for me so I must still have work to do.

I think the first part of step one is essential, the second part has to do somewhat with the quality of my sobriety. Life on life's terms not life on my terms has changed the playing field.I agree with you responsibility and taking care of business is important. I also am finding life is slowly becoming more manageable with spiritual growth.

In answer to your question I think the second part of step one is more about while we were still drinking (mho) however I will let you know if my life ever becomes completely manageable.

[sugErspun]

For me - it's about letting go of the notion that I can manage my life based on my choices. Looking back after taking the 3rd step ~ I give my will and my life over to the care of God. So thinking there are parts that I manage, while God (or whatever you want to call 'it') takes care of that which causes me trouble doesn't make sense.

I couldn't pull off living life. It was best for me to see it as an "all or none' deal.

Examples - I can't manage my attitude, my emotional reactions, my biases, judgements, resentment, attachment...maybe that is what it all boils down to. I get into the whole 'pain avoidance' and 'pleasure seeking' - even sober, and I don't think there is much that I can do about that. Something else has to call the shots.

The first of the four noble truths in buddhism - "Life means suffering." There's definitely a dovetail in that and the first step.

[Clutch B]

I'm not sure if the term "dry drunk" is common around here. When I'm not working my program, my thinking reverts back to my sick alcoholic thinking, and life becomes unmanageable again even without the alcohol. Hence I'm technically "dry" but thinking like I'm "drunk". Life can become unmanageable again if I'm not actively working a program.

[gravity]

Thanks for the replies! Lots to think about.

After reading your posts, I have another perspective. Perhaps it isn't so much about my old life being unmanageable vs. my new life being manageable.

It seems to be more about growth along spiritual lines. I have faith that this growth will lead to the realization of the promises, many of which are coming true for me:

-We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
-We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
-We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
-No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
-That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
-We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
-Self-seeking will slip away.
-Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
-Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
-We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
-We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

This is the life I want! But as an imperfect human, I will always have my share of screw-ups ("spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection").

I do make better choices than I used to. Is this managing my life? Perhaps...but then, it's not me who I am giving thanks to at the end of the day.



BB quotes from the 1st edition of the BB.

[Tommyh]

in July 1987 thru July 1988 I was in and out of AA.I was trying to manage my drinking and my life.I had got a home group and a sponsor,Greg M.When I finally hit my bottom in JUly 1988,my sponsor was there.
He helped me into the steps and helped me for 3 or 4 years faithfully.

He quit going to meetings soon there after.
Last night I got a phone call.He was a mess.He started back drinking this past June.
He had drifted away from the program and started managing his life again after 22 1/2 yrs sober.
Soon he thought he could drink again.He was in horrible shape.Didn`t even resemble the same man.We took him to the hospital.I just hope he is ok today.

Can I manage my life today after 20 years of being sober?
I`m not going to try,because if I do,I`ll end up like Greg,or worst.
A chance I`m not going to take.

[jackiedawn1980]

I know what it's like to have an unmanageable life. Thank God I am not in that position anymore, by the grace of God, and my recovery program.

[Tazman53]

I am a simple minded kind of guy! LOL Here is my take on it.

When I am running my life it is unmanagable sober or drunk.

When I am turning my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding We manage things pretty darn well as long as I remain the copilot! LOL