Completely powerless

[applesncream]

I am dealing with surrendering all the bs in my life constantly every day. This is completely new to me. The stuff that I am dealing with on a clean and sober basis is alot of bs. I have disfunctional all around me, I don't want any part of it and it brings me to a low that I am not used to dealing with sober. I choose to be sober and make my life work the right way. I didn't know it would be this hard. I am making steps so slowly and have to keep reminding myself that this is God's will not mine. I am struggling on a daily basis and am feeling like my back is gonna break if I don't take my next step soon. The fear and self destructive ways that i have lived by have got to go. I am completely giving myself to God and my recovery. That's the only way I see things moving forward. The fear I have is so intense. I see it. It's like so huge. I have been praying non stop for like a week, and I don't plan on stopping cause I am so afraid of what will happen.

[navysteve]

They way I totally surrendered my life wat to work the 12 steps. I could not totally surrender my life whle the garbage was still sitting inside me and my ammends had not been started.

Step one tells me the problem

Step two tells me the solution

Step 3 thru 11 deliver me at 12

[RufusACanal]

What a great effort applesncream. Two things that help; try not to go it alone and remember this too shall pass. You are in my thoughts today!

R

[Clutch B]

I'm not sure if it helps you, but "acceptance" helps me when I find myself in situations I can't control.

From page 417 in the 4th ed Big Book:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

It's not that what they're doing isn't wrong. They could be totally wrong. But I have to let go of changing them or hoping they will change. The only thing I have control over is changing myself and hopefully growing in more healthy ways.

So it's ok to be "powerless" over other people. They are who they are ... and I am who I am. I have power over how I respond. I have no power over them.

Going to a meeting, calling another alcoholic, or talking to my sponsor is a good place to start if I'm unsure what to do about it. The serenity prayer helps too ...

"Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference"

I hope you feel better soon ...

[todd6138]

I try to surround myself with positive things such as talking positively to myself, practicing being nice in conversation with people at work I ordinarily would have been rude to, pray for guidance, exercise, treat myself to a movie and remind myself what I would have done with the money..

[Tommyh]

one thing I try to remember is God is in charge of me today.He will pull me thru what I can`t seem to get thru myself.He is there amongst the chaos.I am not alone,regardless of how I may be feeling at the time.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by applesncream

I am dealing with surrendering all the bs in my life constantly every day. This is completely new to me. The stuff that I am dealing with on a clean and sober basis is alot of bs. I have disfunctional all around me, I don't want any part of it and it brings me to a low that I am not used to dealing with sober.

The limitations and weaknesses of abstinence typically do not show up until sometime later-on in the recovery process, when the now sober mind starts to realize that only a few things get better while most “life challenges” go on. They begin to recognize that most of the slogans they heard were simply not true or were gross exaggerations. One such slogan is; “just don’t drink, go to meetings and life will get better”. Your parole officer might think your life is better but he is looking at the situation from the perspective of a baby-sitter who is responsible for cleaning up your mess. The reality is that if you can’t sleep at night because of worries and fears, your life may in fact get worse and the 4 horseman of the Apocalypse may even move in with you. Peace of mind is a precious commodity to the soul living a sober life. Drugs and alcohol may have been a “rock” comfort-wise, but life without them may prove to be the “hard place” for the person who was caught in the middle and must now choose one side or the other. Now where does he or she find refuge?

[Tazman53]

applesncream I was amoung those alcoholics who found a far greater strain in life and pain in life sober, for so many years my solution to problems was drinking, well the old solution was gone and I was suddenly facing all fo my issues stone cold sober and the pain was slowly becoming unbearable.

I had heard an old timer tell a newcomer who asked him "When is the right time to do a 4th step?".... The old timer replied "When you are ready for the pain to stop!".

I was at the point where a drink was really seeming like a damn good idea because the pain was going to kill me!! I listened to what that old timer told that guy, I got a new sponsor who was willing/able to take me through the steps as quickly as I needed to go through them.

As I took the steps the pain subsided, when I finished taking my 5th with my sponsor the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders..... I continued on and as I have been making amends I am experienceing all of the promises in the BB.

You have received some great advice, the one piece I would like to emphasize is taking the steps with a sponsor.

When I replaced my old solution alcohol with the the new solution I have found in AA things have gotten a lot better.

[MCH]

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

I used this as a battle cry for a long time, at the same time feeling it was a cop out. I'd pray the Serenity Prayer constantly and get relief as long as I was focused on what I was saying. I heard the above quote many times at meetings, as though people had made peace with their lives because of it, but it never had any lasting effect on mine.

I'm sure I'm slower than most, but I finally understood what the message in this passage was. The last sentence set me free. I'm powerless over everything, but I can say no. I can say no to the thoughts that bombard my head, the very thoughts that I was victim to for so long. I can say no to them and ask God to remove them and even tell the thoughts themselves to "GET OUT!", not necessarily as benignly as that.

I practice being in God's presence, taking second by second sometimes, there I'm able to relax. It is a matter of practice for me, without that practice, my mind is jumbled and confused and I'm angry and lashing out.

"God does not render us white as snow and keep us there without our cooperation" -- quoted from either the BB or 12 & 12 -- my way of cooperating is keeping my mind clean. Then and only then can my new attitude (a direct result of taking the steps) live and develop.

[applesncream]

I have been doing better. I am excersizing my spirituality on a moment to moment basis. The disfunction around me , is around me not in me. I have realized that steppin up and working harder than ever on myself is the only thing i can do to stay sober and have serenity even amongst the worse situations. I am taking a ne class 2x a week and i am dealing with some things that i wouldn't have confronted high or drunk. It helps to hear all your guys' great advise, I need it and am amazed at how you all know how to read between the lines, and get straight to the problem. THank you!!

[Dean62]

Originally Posted by applesncream

I have disfunctional all around me,

I saw the same thing when I stopped drinking. Much of it was the wreckage of my past and very little of it did I have control over.

I love the advice that has been given to you here. Recovery is an inside job. Start there and stay close to God.