Something scary I realised...

[psyk0]

Just something scary I realised:

When I was still drinking I drank a lot, daily. I threw up every day, sometimes blood, I had to have alcohol in my bloodstream to feel "normal". I woke up with terrible anxiety every day, etc. etc.
This went on for years and years.

Here it is:

During those hellish drinking years I hardly EVER considered giving it up!

Once in a while I would think about moderating my drinking (this never worked) and would check out some internet pages about alcohol abuse, but for the rest I had just fully accepted the debilitating presence of alcohol in my life and kept drinking!

This, in hindsight, strikes me as really warped and strange. Truly sick.

[Tazman53]

Part of the insanity spoken of in step 2. I had to see my own death before I threw in the towel. Little moments of clarity.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by psyk0

During those hellish drinking years I hardly EVER considered giving it up

My sponsor says this disease is more about blind spots than it is about alcohol or drugs.

If we could see the truth about ourselves we would not need a sponsor to help us make decisions.

[CarolD]

My morning routine before work...

Drink a Screwdriver...Vomit...Brush teeth..
.Drink a Screwdriver take a Valium....
walk out the door.

That kept the shakes away for about 4 hours...
then another drink was necessary.

As long as I kept alcohol in my system
I figured I was doing well.
What a horrible way to function.

[gravity]

On many of my multiple day benders, I would end up at some of the most dangerous bars, in the worst part of the city, drinking with extremely violent people (strangers).

Before I would take that first drink (usually in a safe place), I would think:

"I hope I have fun before I black out."
"I hope I don't get hurt when I black out."
"I hope I wake up in a safe place."

I did wake up a few times bruised and bloodied and in some scary locations but I kept on drinking.

I once asked my sister what she thought when I disappeared for a few days, drinking. She told me that she wondered if I was dead.

My sickness, the insanity just blows me away. Thank God for AA and those other alcoholics who are taking care of me.

[tiburon88]

My worst is not sleeping and going on a 2-3 day bender. Not eating has become the norm as well. I use to think that taking multiple vitamins was preventing any kind of damage. My right side is tender and hurting as I right this.

tib

[Latte]

I've been thinking back to my bottom and realized how far I have come from that.

I'm just so greatful today that I don't have to live like that.

[Tazman53]

Tib I pray you know you are killing your self, please find a way into a detox/rehab.