Memory of the Suffering and Humiliation

[RufusACanal]

"At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.


The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

[Boleo]

Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason-ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor-becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.
(Page 20-21)

[Rob B]

Originally Posted by RufusACanal

"At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.


The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

This is describing the powerlessness-insanity PRIOR to drinking alcohol, which will set off the physical craving. Many people believe they are only powerless after the 1st drink, not true for a certain type.

One of the most misleading slogans which is not found in my big book is the idea that I can "think the drink through". If I could think it through, I would have choice. This is a powerful paragraph from the book which is often overlooked or misinterpreted, it means what it means. Best way to see if it true is to reconcile your personal experience with what the authors are driving at.

[gravity]

Originally Posted by Rob B

This is describing the powerlessness-insanity PRIOR to drinking alcohol, which will set off the physical craving. Many people believe they are only powerless after the 1st drink, not true for a certain type.

In my case, I have all of the rock-solid proof I need:

-In January 2006, I seriously decided to quit drinking. I attempted this using self-will and recovery literature.

-From January 2006 until December 2007, I drank at least a dozen times. Before each drink/bender, my thinking was along the lines of “it will be different this time”. Insanity. Powerless. After each bender - "I learned my lesson, I will quit for good".

-I have not had a drink since December 2007, one day at a time. I could not have accomplished this through self-will alone. For me, it comes down to spiritual fitness and living the 12 steps.


If I had the power of choice, I would have quit years ago.


I believe that it was my ego which prevented me from accepting this very obvious fact, still pretending that I am in control, that I am always right.

Thanks for this thread. We have just started a 12-step commitment group and there are individuals who believe that powerlessness only refers to what happens after the first drink. It didn’t feel right at a gut level but I had nothing to point to, to articulate it. I will be sure to pass this on.

[bostonluv]

Huh. This is interesting. For me, it's after that first drink: I am powerless to control myself. Otherwise, I can make a daily decision not to drink. I still think I'm an alcoholic because of my chemical reaction to alcohol and not having that "off" switch that normal drinkers have. I just found this interesting....

[psyk0]

I remember when I was still drinking that I went to a meeting out of curiosity about 8 years ago. A guy there told me: "you should quit now, while you still have the choice"

That sounded so odd to me, I wondered what he meant.

Boy did I find out...

[gravity]

Hi bostonluv,

It is this powerlessness that I am referring to:

We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.

I did this for 25 years. Right from the beginning, my drinking resulted in a huge amount of suffering for me and those around me. Very close calls where I could have been seriously hurt or even killed someone. Blacking out, out of control. It was always very obvious that I could not control my drinking. Very obvious to everyone but me.

You touch a hot stove only once and learn your lesson. It should not have taken me 25 years to finally see what I was doing – risking everything, hurting others, losing so much in a vain effort to prove that I could drink like others. 25 years! It's just insane!

One passage in the Big Book that illustrates the distinction between powerlessness before the first drink and uncontrollable craving after the first drink is:

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

This passage describes my old life perfectly.




BB quotes from the 1st Edition of the BB.

[nandm]

Originally Posted by RufusACanal

"At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.


The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

This is a definition of alcoholism we can test for ourselves. Do we sincerly desire to quit entirely? Are we able to? Have we tried to quit and failed? How many times? Have we promised our families we would stop and then found ourselves unable? Have we failed to stay sober even after a promise to ourselves?

This is why good intentions, firm resolve, and sincere desire are of absolutely of no use in combating alcoholism. The memory of how bad it was will not keep us sober for long. Left to our own devices we will inevitably drink again.

Where are we to turn? We are powerless over alcohol. We cannot stay away from drinking. Our human resources have failed us. Once we admit these things to ourselves, we may be willing to look to the Power greater than ourselves for a solution.

[Tazman53]

"At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.


The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."

I read this and then I reread it........ I spent years winding up drunk once again when I was able to quit for a few days or even a week, I can only view it as the insanity spoken of in the BB, I had to have been insane. I crossed a line during those years where I physically nor mentally could go a day without drinking, this was the point where I had no choice when I drank, I had to drink. I was beyond being able to white knuckle it at all, the insanity was complete.

Looking back I was powerless over alcohol even without it in my body. Today the insanity could return, but only if I let it, if I quit working on that daily reprieve spoken of.

[RufusACanal]

Thank you Rob. This is the defining point of relapse; the thinking prior to the first drink. This powerlessness is the complete lack of a defense and only a greater power can pull me back from the brink. Hopefully, after working Steps, making life changes, depending on God for all, I will never have to go to the brink again. I have never come back once the insanity has gripped my thinking without drinking by my own power, not once.


How do I get to that brink?

Today, I realize it varies from one to another, though for me it is a combination of thoughts and behaviors that definitely turn my thinking and feeling inward only. As long as I am focused on my wants, needs and desires, I will get sick. For the Alcoholic, there is no difference; recovered or recovering, we all can fall if we return to old thinking, old acting and old results and no one is safe if the choices are made to separate ourselves from a greater power.

Small lies and deceptions, frequently used anger, out of the norm lust, greed in any affair; all can lead the Alcoholic back through the powerless thinking that precedes a drink. This is the Dry Drunk syndrome; the pure insanity without alcohol ingestion.

[Tazman53]

Rufus I feel this bears repeating, great post about maintining our spiritual condition:

Today, I realize it varies from one to another, though for me it is a combination of thoughts and behaviors that definitely turn my thinking and feeling inward only. As long as I am focused on my wants, needs and desires, I will get sick. For the Alcoholic, there is no difference; recovered or recovering, we all can fall if we return to old thinking, old acting and old results and no one is safe if the choices are made to separate ourselves from a greater power.

Small lies and deceptions, frequently used anger, out of the norm lust, greed in any affair; all can lead the Alcoholic back through the powerless thinking that precedes a drink. This is the Dry Drunk syndrome; the pure insanity without alcohol ingestion.

[sugErspun]

You know - I don't think it's about 'old thinking' vs 'new thinking'. If that were the case, we just need to work on our thinking, create this 'new thinking' and everything will be good.

The use of the word 'insanity' is perfect. There is no thought process which can avoid the first drink for the class of drinkers defined in the book. They will drink, no matter what. There is only ONE thing that comes between me and that first drink.

Not bashing your post Ruf - not at all. I just wanted to clarify..

I have alcoholism. I cannot not drink - in correct grammar - "I will drink, no matter what." because insanity is gonna creep up and there is nothing I can do about it, and after I take a drink, there will be another one - always.


For the record - insanity in the book is described as: "lack of proportion and the ability to think straight". And when it defines insanity - it is telling the story of Jim the car salesman - who was sober and thought it would be ok to drink whiskey if he mixed it in milk. They key here is that he was sober at the time. Insanity comes before the drink.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

[RufusACanal]

Thank you Adam, Martin. I definitely agree; insanity comes before the drink and I am insane right now.

[ananda]

Rufus...I am so sorry you are going through this dificult time! I hope that you are able to reach out to your sponsor and to your AA support group. They are there for you. You are not alone!!!!!!!

[Dee74]

I don't think Rufus meant he was any more insane than the rest of us right now Nands

D

[ananda]

oooops.....

(totally embarrased!)

[Dee74]

showing care and concern is nothing to be embarrassed about Nands


D