Made and amends today...question

[markman]

Today I made an amends to a family member (my Uncle). I owed him about $4000.00. After telling everything, I was about to give him a check, but he said don't worry about that. Keep the money. He said he and his wife were more concerned that I was doing well and that was good enough for him. I asked if he was sure and said I had the check right here, he still wouldn't take it.

It took a long time to save that money. More money than I've had in one spot for a very long time. So being able to keep it was a bonus.

Here's the question...do I insist he take it? My sponsor said he forgot to tell me that I should insist. Then he said that my heart was in the right spot and that's what counts.

What do you think?

Mark

[sugErspun]

I have heard a couple of things on this. 1 - you can't force it upon them, maybe set the money aside and see if anything changes so you still have it (if he changes his mind).

2- Some people realize the money is not theirs, and if the recipient won't take it - they make a donation or give the money to charity.

3- Keep it. If the books are balanced in his eyes - there should be no guilt about it.

Personally - I haven't owed any real large amounts (more than a couple hundred bucks) to any individual, but I have owed money and if they dont want it and can explain why they don't (and it makes sense, which it sounds like your uncle did very well) - I keep it, save it away. If the books are balanced, they are balanced - often matters of the heart/soul cannot be measured in $$, even though it played a big part in the whole thing.

Hope you find this helpful.

[liveweyerd]

He gave you a gift. Thank him sincerely. Be a good steward of it. Be grateful.
Give him your time, as he wants you well cares about you and sounds like he would prefer a good relationship with you.

[Cathy31]

Originally Posted by liveweyerd

He gave you a gift. Thank him sincerely. Be a good steward of it. Be grateful.
Give him your time, as he wants you well cares about you and sounds like he would prefer a good relationship with you.

Well put! Give him your time and perhaps you can treat them out to dinner or a night away somewhere - together with you - to enjoy each other.


well done!!! That money is now yours, spend it well.

Cathy31
x

[Tazman53]

Some excellent suggestions and opinions, all of which I concur with, only thing I have to add is to hold your head high, you have done well.

[Jfanagle]

I think one of the most difficult lessons that I had to learn in sobriety was the ability to accept the good will and love of others. It takes awhile before we begin to believe that we are deserving of this trust. We talk about being "willing" to make amends, and it seems that you are. The love and understanding of our loved ones is the best part of getting sober.

Remember to pass on this same understanding and goodwill that your uncle has given you. Love is the one gift that we can give away over and over again and still have more. When you next decide to contemplate having a drink, remember your uncle's trust and love and that may just be enough to keep you sober. If it does, you will "repay" that loan one more time!

Take care,

Jon

[CarolD]

What I would do....
Accept the gift from your uncle
but set it aside in case your aunt has a different view.

When I get an unexpected windfall....
I take 10% and donate it anonymously
to my home group.

[PaulN]

Thank you for sharing this with us.

It's an amazing feeling when an amends has been made. For me, I'm in awe of how close to God I feel. Good stuff.

In terms of what to do with the money, maybe take a few quiet moments and thank God as you understand Him, for the experience you went through with your uncle. Afterwords, maybe take some time to meditate ... I'm confident God will provide you an answer.

Again, thank you for sharing this. You helped make my day.

[lizw]

I had the same expereince last year when I tried to pay someone back the money I believed I owed them. And they wouldn't take it.

Like others have mentioned I don't know if I am less gracious trying to give or having to receive!

I kept the money but still think of the person a lot. Not in a 'OMG I have to pay them' kinda way but rather 'I know some really nice people'.

[markman]

Thanks for your responses. I'll save the money for a while and see what happens. The thing that really blows my mind is that I even have $4000. Prior to July 13, 2007, I was a hopeless, penniless drunk. Now I'm working like crazy and enjoying spending time with family and friends. This morning I was even invited to a Rotary breakfast. It's amazing what a little sobriety will do for a person.

[RufusACanal]

This is a New Life.