What exactly is a sponsor?

[Isaiah]

I've been advised to find one. It's not even much of a choice, actually.

I think I've picked up the basic gist of sponsorship... you call them with problems, they check up on you, answer questions about the 12-steps.

I don't feel entirely comfortable with the idea of making some stranger my confidant. Not so much the principle of it, but I have a disposition towards unstable relationships. And my drinking problem was always something very personal. I went to great lengths to hide it from people I already had a trusting relationship with.

And can I have a sponsor if I'm indifferent to the 12-steps? I'm returning to AA meetings, but I just like the "group therapy" aspect of it.

[ANGELINA243]

A sponsor is simply someone who helps guide you through the Steps.

[Isaiah]

Hmm... this may not work well then.

[sugErspun]

My view of sponsorship: A person to guide you through the twelve steps.

Chances are - any person you find as a potential sponsor - probably relates very well to the notion of a drinking problem being a very personal matter. Nothing new about that at all.

If you are alcoholic and want to recover - I would say most of your dispositions will change somewhere in that process.

I hope you find this helpful. My first years around AA - the thought of a sponsor was horrifying. It seemed like taking on another parent or something. I couldn't have been further from the truth.

(...oops- posted same time as Angelina)..

[SelfSeeking]

Isaiah, it seems to be something that you do once you've decided you want to work the steps. They say to get one ASAP, at your first meeting, but I wasn't ready to think about the step part at that point so held off.

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by Isaiah

I've been advised to find one. It's not even much of a choice, actually.

.

What does "not even a choice" mean?

Are you willing to make a commitment to stop drinking?

If not, can you afford to continue drinking?

[SlvrMag]

I took my time finding a sponsor. I now have my Uncle sponsoring me but I am also told I need a woman as well. I have been to one womans meeting (AA, even though I am an addict) but I didn't feel comfortable there. I have a homegroup (NA) but only a few woman. It's kinda frustrating!

[Isaiah]

Originally Posted by Boleo

What does "not even a choice" mean?

Are you willing to make a commitment to stop drinking?

If not, can you afford to continue drinking?

I have an absolute commitment to stop drinking.

Unfortunately, I also have an absolute commitment to do what the courts are "advising." Their "advice" more or less reads to me as "we can't tell you you *have* to find a sponsor soon, but things might not go well for you if you don't." Basically my choice seems to be jump full-swing into the AA program or prepare for a harsher sentence when the time comes.

I just got back from a meeting.

[Boleo]

Isaiah;

Alcoholism is more about blind-spots than it is about the alcohol and drugs. Without a sponsor to help you see where your blind-spots are at you may never see them by yourself.

Look around for somebody who "has what you want".

[ANGELINA243]

Continue going to meetings and listen to what others share. Be sure and get a phone list--to have handy if you need to call someone. Later, if/when you want to work the Steps--maybe you can ask someone at that time to be your sponsor.

I didn't trust anyone when I first came into the program--I didn't get a sponsor right away. I did attend meetings and listened to what others shared both inside/outside meetings. I slowly got to know members--outside of group setting....like going to dinner with them afterwards..for example. I went to celebrations/functions at my group and started to develop friendships. When I felt like I was sure and I was willing to work the Steps I then asked another member about sponsorship.

[Isaiah]

I just feel so dishonest. I'm going to meetings very much under my own volition; regardless of being informed to. But the pressure to take it to the next levels when I'm not willing to do so really just puts me in a conundrum. It would be unfair to get a sponsor and have to lie to them or find one and admit to being a half-willing sponsee, but at the same time I'm pretty set on not having an alcohol conviction wreck too much havoc on my life.

[AW2486]

Get a temporary sponsor .. and take your time to find a permanent one.

[Pinkcuda]

Contrary to what a lot of people will say, the answer isn't crystal clear in the book. The first time through it I was really confused. It just didn't make sense. Actually I've been in several book studys and there are still things that I am learning from the book. Lots of them!
Think of it as a Textbook and a Sponsor as a Teacher.
A Sponsor isn't interested in why you drank and they are not your therapist. They are there to get you through the steps and familiarize you with AA and recovery.

[gravity]

Originally Posted by Isaiah

I don't feel entirely comfortable with the idea of making some stranger my confidant.

My sponsor is not my confidant. He guided me through the steps and we go for coffee every now & then to discuss the program.

My experience. I got a sponsor right away. We worked through the steps one at a time. I didn't know the guy but his advice was sound. The only reason I am sober and at peace today is because I worked through the steps with some urgency. It was well worth any minor discomfort.

[Isaiah]

This has been illuminating. Thanks, everyone.

[Rob B]

A good sponsor will tell you quite a bit, you should know these facts right now:

AA is not group therapy or self help

The program of AA is the 12 steps

Going to meetings does not treat alcoholism

Feel free to PM me if I can be of support or help to you in your journey.

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by Isaiah

And can I have a sponsor if I'm indifferent to the 12-steps? I'm returning to AA meetings, but I just like the "group therapy" aspect of it.

If this is truly how you feel then AA is not for you.

As for a sponsor, yes they are intended to guide you through the steps. However, this can mean very different things in practice depending on who you get to be your sponsor.

[BP44]

You do have a choice. You can always tell the judge to take AA, the 12 steps and a sponsor and stick them up his a$$. Dilemma solved. AA is not for people who need it. It's not even for people that want it. It's for people that live it. If your heart isn't in it, it isn't in it. I had to be hopeless to follow precise clear cut instructions to recover from alcoholism.

[FightingIrish]

I would just try to keep an open mind. Many of the people doing the advertising for AA here and elsewhere scared me away for years. It was only when I found people who seemed happy and in the swim of life through AA (which attracted me) did I give it a try and put myself forward.

[CarolD]

I suggest anyone looking for a sponsor...
get the correct information.

In most meetings ..on the free literature rack
is the official AA guideline pamphlet

"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"

[tiburon88]

I heard the AA big book doesn't even mention sponsership! Get a sponser whenever, don't rush it.

tib

[Boleo]

Originally Posted by Isaiah

it would be unfair to get a sponsor and have to lie to them or find one and admit to being a half-willing sponsee,

If you get an experienced sponsor he has heard this at least a 100 times before.

[SelfSeeking]

Whoa whoa... what the heck? What's all this with pushing a newcomer out and telling him, you feel that way (unsure about the steps, like the group support aspect), then "AA is not for you"? How are you the gatekeeper?

The only criteria for membership is the desire to stop drinking! Sheesh. If I had been met with that attitude at my first meeting a week ago, I woulda walked and not come back in. Only would have hurt myself but it would have been sad and unnecessary. Today after a week of meetings and support and people being ok with meeting me where I was, I have a sponsor and will start doing stepwork soon. What are people's motivations for posting these kinds of things? It's sure not to help people get sober.

[Rob B]

Study the traditions, this may answer some of your questions.

[RufusACanal]

Isaiah,

Maybe you need to continue drinking; maybe this will put to rest your uncertainty.