The Tragic Truth

[RufusACanal]

Excerpt from the First Edition, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

"The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day will seldom arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically non-existent. We are unable at certain times, no matter how well we understand ourselves, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy, and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." or "What's the use anyhow?"

When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond all human aid, and unless locked up, is certain to die, or go permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, there would have been one hundred more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop, but cannot.

There is a solution."

[lizw]

Great post.

I just thought I must have wanted to leave my daughter with my parents and not go get her for a week, while I went drinking.
Why else was I doing what I was?

[Tazman53]

At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

I have often wondered where that certain point was for me (not that it really matters now). I quit drinking for a year and a half in my ealry 20s, I was drinking daily already at that point, but except for the occasional ire of my first wife I was suffering no consequences from it. We had joined a church that did not condone drinking at all, and I did feel rather strongly at the time about the church so I quit drinking, it wasn't easy, but through basically self will I quit and stayed dry for a year and a half. In a nut shell looking back on it, I left the church because I wanted to drink.

Some where about the age of 43 -45 I crossed that point they speak of here. I was physically, mentally, and spiritually incapable of stopping.

I would be lying if I said I am not a bit envious of those I see come into the rooms that saw their problem before they hit that point. They are well aware that if they started to drink again they would eventually hit that point. They are well aware of the progression of the disease and work a good solid program to stay sober.

[Dean62]

For me the tragic truth was that I kept drinking despite everything in my life screaming at me to stop. The thing that baffled everyone around me. The tragic truth was despite all the evidence to the contrary I would say to myself in the most casual way "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" The tragic truth is that I believed it. I was following this belief through the gates of insanity. Clinging with the desperation of a drowning man to the desire to continue on drinking as if my drinking was the only truth and everything else was a lie.

My completete failure of defense against the first drink was in fact for me a complete failure to accept the truth. I had long since reached the point that it burned me everytime without fail! My lack of defense was my delusional mind that beleived what it wanted to believe, heard what it wanted to hear, saw what it wanted to see in order to maintain control over the learned behavior that alcohol was the solution.

This quote from the big book finaly made sense to me and gave me the truth to the question "Why did I drink again?" In my last days of drinking I drank because I thought I still could. People say I can drink but I choose not to. I say I can't drink and live life anymore because what happens to me when I drink is not living. I don't want to exsist that way anymore.

I had to accept the tragic truth before I could stop drinking.

[sugErspun]

If I am alcoholic - like they describe in the book "Am I as hopeless as Bill?"

I WILL drink again. That is what this is saying right?

Unless through a miracle, a gift, divine intervention, God's grace, a spiritual revolution - whatever you want to call it...If I am given a new mind, I can live in the moment and THE problem can be removed. The application of the 12 steps to this alcoholic's life, has removed the problem...at least for today.

I had to go through some pretty awful things to become willing to accept this first step..particularly drinking when I reallly did not want to drink, when I would have told you the day before that I don't have a drink left in me...

Thank God for that drink.

[RufusACanal]

Originally Posted by sugErspun

I had to go through some pretty awful things to become willing to accept this first step..particularly drinking when I reallly did not want to drink, when I would have told you the day before that I don't have a drink left in me...

This is Alcoholism... Thank you Adam.