Sober Time?

[CarolD]

I quit attending birthday meetings years ago.
My pet peeve is members who add
their periods of sober time together.

It's none of my business how anyone else counts
but I won't be there clapping either.

[lizw]

Originally Posted by CarolD

I quit attending birthday meetings years ago.
My pet peeve is members who add
their periods of sober time together.

Can you explain further Carol?

Do you mean like, I was sober from 85 - 89, then went back drinking for 10 years, but have been sober again from 99 - now so I have 13/14 years soberity?

Or they been round 25 years but forget to mention they were drinking last week? So celebrate 25 years?

Do people really do this kind of thing over there? Serious?
I don't believe it.

[CarolD]

lizw....
Member X had 3 years sober
He resumed drinking for 2
Came back to AA and after a year
celebrates and expects a 4 year medallion.

After reading how the tokens for sobriety
came into use....I consider this not in
the spirit of recovery.

Actually.......I don't think we should
use chips or medallions. Perhaps because
my first home group did not.

As I stated....it's my pet peeve....
don't expect anyone to give a flip one way or another.

Please excuse my hijack....my fault for going off topic.

[tiburon88]

I think he deserves a 4 year chip. Sobriety means different things to different people.

[CarolD]

I moved these over from Alcoholism
so others could continue to share
on the orginal topic.

Again ...I apologize ...

[Astro]

Thanks Carol. Just what I've heard, chips are taken to show the newcomers that the program works.

And oh, they're given to recognize continuous periods of sobriety. I take that to mean weekends and holidays too!

[barb dwyer]

My pet peeve is members who add
their periods of sober time together.

what a HOOT!

Talk about twisting the program... omg I'm giggling over here.

No WAY would you get away with that here... but .. if you wanna put a bug on him - tell him you have a friend online who's got 43 years.

Then add my upcoming two years.

I mean, if *he* can do it - right?

I mean, if you're gonna count it THAT way -
hell you don't even have a story, ya know?

Anyone THAT desperate for attention should just walk around naked and be done with it.

Thanks for the chuckle, Carol!!!!

[lizw]

I don't even know what to say.
I don't think I've ever met anyone who does such a thing.
Maybe us kiwis are a bit sheltered.

And over here we don't use chips so much, a group in my area goes through phases of it but it has never been consistent.

I've got a 5 year chip but my sponsor at the time gave it to me.
I am just waiting to give it to someone else.
It's just that I've been waiting a long itme. Lol.

Again, I am very surprised people to this.

:wtf2

[barb dwyer]

I must beg to disagree about the coins, though -
I needed something PHYSICAL to have with me in the beginning.
Something *in my hand* that proved to me I had accomplished at least ONE tiny thing in this roller coaster ride of a life.
Of course, it could as well have been a rock...
because it was the 'talisman' effect that stayed with me.

I had drunk my life away to nothing.
That little coin ... was SOMETHING
in a vast abyss of nothing.

I'm surprised my first months didn't have permanent intentions of my fingerprints
I held on to them so hard sometimes.
And it was a ... really GOOD feeling...
to pass them on to someone whose group didn't give coins.

All the prayers and goodwill that were placed in the coins when I got them -
I could pass them on to the next recovering person as well.
I know a LOT of people who put their coins on the wall -
Or stick 'em on their dashboards
and use them to help them when feeling tempted.

But B'day meetings - I'm kinda getting like you Carol -
I'm not going to mine either at the end of this month.

[Latte]

It really doesn't concern me how others stay sober as long as they do it. The person you are speaking of has to answer to himself.

Sometimes it hurts us when we try to hold others up to our standards. You seem to be upset about something that really has nothing to do with you. When I get like that I remind myself to mind my own business.

I stopped counting my days a few months ago because I found that it was too distracting for me. I only have a 30 day chip, after that I figured I needed to focus on just one day at a time.

[miss communicat]

wow.

I count how many days...back-to-back, in a row...that lead to months, back-to-back, in a row, and years, back-to-back, in a row that I have not drank alcohol and not misused a drug to be my own "sober time".

for me.

do I hold others up to my standard?

you bet I do, if they are part of my sober circle and I care about them. And, I realise that I can still learn alot about where they are in their life, and remember how it used to be for me before I got really honest with myself. A little dishonesty can stand between me and the freedom I deserve in my life, and I know today that it sure can lead me to a drunk.

Do I do, or say, anything to or about those people who count sober time in a haphazard fashion?

No.

They seem to have made their minds up, and I won't waste my time with a closed mind. I believe in the power of example.

[CarolD]

Barb.....you bring up a good point about early sobriety
and the 'talisman' effect . Thanks!

As I did not have a chip/coin I did keep...in my billfold
a small 4 sided laminated card I got at a meeting.
It had the Serenity Prayer-the 12 Steps ..12 taditions
and the Promises were on the back.
I think Hazelton published them.
...I cherished it...and kept me from drinking many times.

When I earned a year of continious recovery
my friend Ann K. presented a medallion when I
spoke for my anniversary. Yes...it was hers
I too give medallions to special friends.

I keep my current one in my billfold
I pick up my medallion at a regular meeting
rather than the monthly birthday bash.
April is a busy month here...we have 9 others
with 5 or more years.

I show newcomers recovery is possible...
they see me often in meetings and see
me doing service work.

Sooo...let's all continue our recovery

[ananda]

I guess I've run the whole gamet (is that a word?)

I picked up chips...then didn't...then did...then wouldn't till it was more time before...then picked them up drunk....

Right now I do get my chips and do celebrate with the groups in my area on birthday nites.

I think of it as an individual choice that should reflect a person's current values and beliefs.

Some of the chips I picked up did not reflect my beliefs at the time. especially the ones I picked up drunk...then again that has become an experience that I can share with others who think they are the only one low enough to do that...just as members of my home group shared their expereince of drunk "birthdays" with me.

[nandm]

Originally Posted by CarolD

lizw....
Member X had 3 years sober
He resumed drinking for 2
Came back to AA and after a year
celebrates and expects a 4 year medallion.

And they wonder why they can't seem to stay sober.....

Maybe they missed the part about rigorous honesty in the BB.......
My home group uses chips but clearly state "x amount of years of continuous sobriety".

If I counted all the time I have spent not drinking I could count most of my childhood so that would give me 21 years with just that plus my 7 years now, then there was 3 pregnancies I did not drink through so I could add another almost 3 years there. Hey I have almost 25 years........WOW I am an old timer.......

[AW2486]

Carol that is the first I ever heard of people adding up their time that way.

I remember early in sobriety being astounded seeing people get 1,2,3 year chips. Wondering how the hell could I do that. And they would tell me, when they got their chip. I needed that.

I still enjoy seeing people get their chips. Especially newcomers. Seeing the miracle happen over time. That is what keeps me coming back.

I also remember, having 3-4 years of sobriety and only working 3 step program, Sick in Self literally dying inside, watching people get 6 & 9 month chips who did all the steps living happy joyous and free. Quality of Sobriety shouldn't be measured by time.

[Tommyh]

the group needs to talk with the alcoholic in question
my sponsor gives out chips a lot,and he would stop the meeting and tell him he only gets a year...

[lizw]

I didn't celebrate a birthday (in a meeting) till I was four.
I didn't celebrate one this year either. I did last year though.

And now I'm thinking I gotta find me a meeting that gives out chips for singular days of soberity (so that I can add up to like 20 years or something) then I'll get all the ones I am owed.....

[Sugah]

Sug scratches her head. "To thine own self, be true."

I carry three coins in a little pill box that has special significance to me. On the bottom, I carry my current-year coin. Next is a coin given to me when I became an honorary alum of a treatment center (My husband and I gave a dual lead at their anniversary picnic). The top coin is a 24 hr coin.

I give the 24 hr coin away quite often when I see a newcomer at a meeting that doesn't give chips. Each time, my home group replaces it for me. My last 24 hr coin went into the casket with a friend who didn't make it.

I think this adding of sober time is like the creative bookkeeping I used to do for a business years ago. Sounds good and looks good at the time, but sooner or later, it catches up.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[serenityqueen]

My opinion on this is, if the person can't get honest with themselves, they aren't working any kind of Program of Recovery.

To me, I treasure my tokens, coins, chips. I agree with Barb. My tokens are a symbol of my accomplishments in my Recovery.

I love to hear what others have done with their "old tokens." Sug, how wonderful of you carrying the 24 hour token for the newcomer along with your special ones. As soon as I read that, what immediately came to mind was, "If we want to keep what we have, we have to give it away."

Over my years of struggling, I used to see people at meetings who would go up and get yet another 24 hour token and think,"How embarressing! I could never go up in front of everyone and get another one of those. It has to be humiliating to admit that once again I screwed up." Now, I see it so differently. I see it as humbling oneself and being honest. I look back and see how this was one of the biggest reasons I could never build up any significant time of a honest, solid period of Recovery.

For me, it's quite simple:



That's how I do the math in counting "my time."

Thanks for starting this thread,CarolD, I love a good discussion!

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

A dear friend that I reconnected with in the rooms came back after 8 or so years of sobriety. She was doing well for a month or so, then relasped again for a few days. I've never been happier to see someone pick up their 24 hour chip than her. I just felt really proud of her. She keeps trying and now she's working the steps with a sponsor, something that she had never done. She's being honest. I admire that.

I'm proud to be her friend.

[Lily]

That is crazy! I have never heard of such a thing! However, I can remember in very early recovery picking up a 30 day chip high......To thine own self be true. I did feel bad and I did start over later.

I am glad they do not do that in these parts, that I know of, I guess you really never know what one is doing unless they admit it, huh?

[tiburon88]

I picked up a year 1 chip once. I had drank only 2 days in that year and felt that I made enough progress that I deserved that 1 year chip and cake. Of course, people also took me out to lunch! I had fun that day and never felt guilty about it. My sponser was kinda angry about it but I didn't care. I felt like AA owed me something after 4 years of going "in and out" of the program.

tib

[Tommyh]

we also specify in our home group it is for continuous sobriety

[navysteve]

In the area I got sober, it was common to make a HUGE DEAL out of anniversaries. There would be presents, baloons etc...

I stoped partaking in that aspect of recovery years ago. I don't see it as a positive message for newcomers. At my last duty station however, the group had set aside the last night of the month as anniversary night. Where everyone from 1 day to 100 years had a chance to get up and speak from the heart. I miss that meeting very very much. Now I am back to getting a chip and sitting down. I miss the "WE" aspect of that meeting. It made anniversaries "OURS". I believe that I do not have 18 years sober, we have 18 years sober.

[debs4321]

Originally Posted by navysteve

At my last duty station however, the group had set aside the last night of the month as anniversary night. Where everyone from 1 day to 100 years had a chance to get up and speak from the heart.

I really like that idea.

I know in my home group we celebrate birthdays all the time. I attend because for one........it is my home group. And for another............at this point, it really isnt what I get from the meeting, it is what I put into the meeting.......what counts.

I dont go for the birthdays...........I go to celebrate the newcomers.