Helping the Newcomer to the Alcoholism Forum

[RufusACanal]

Many of you who have allowed me to grow and learn here and have allowed me to a friend. We agree to disagree and love each other all the while; I appreciate the care you give me. I would like to start a thread in Alcoholism on the First Step or more importantly to me the failure of some to get this new life. In my prayers and meditation the last few weeks, I feel like I am led to work on the misconceptions of recovery experienced by newcomers; going the extra mile to help them overcome self so that acceptance and surrender are more understandable. Your input, your experience, strength and knowledge on the First Step, on your struggles to get sober would be vastly important to furthering this workl; I want to keep it simple and understandable for the newcomer. There are days when I feel I have not given enough to these folks who seek answers to their pain and suffering. I would ask each of you and you know who you are to help me in this thread to impart information and to help the newcomers here. Many go to Alcoholism, but shy away from the Twelve Steps forum. Why do many relapse? Why do many hold on to the idea that they can one day drink successfully? Why do many die? This for me is answered through my and your victories in recovery. The First Step is the open door to a new life and if we can give something more, maybe, maybe more will live free. Please think on this request.

The thread is called A New Life. Miss C, Rob, Adam, Jim, Peter, Sugah, Judith, Music, Carol, Barb, Jon, Dgillz, liwz, TTOSBT, Scott, BP44, please contribute your experience, strength and hope on the First Step and your new life. I know I have missed some of you and please do not feel slighted. The newcomers continue to relapse; let's give them more options to succeed!

Let's help the newcomer with Acceptance and Surrender - help me to help them.

Ron

This is a reprint of a post in the Thread, "There is a Solution."

[Astro]

Ron, thank you for 12th Stepping us today, meaning everyone on SR.

I don't consider myself a "Big Book thumper" or "Old-Schooler", what I share is just what has worked for me. So my thoughts on Step 1 are very simple, they've kept me sober for almost 3 1/2 years now, I guess I'm doing something right.

Your post asked the question "Why do so many die?", that thought is what starts each day for me. When I awaken I remind myself that to drink is to die. I consider that a healthy fear. From there I don't have to look too far into my past to remember how unmanageable my life was, especially in my relationships with others.

For the last two nights I've had some ungodly drinking dreams. Normally I experience about one every month. Does the disease have me thinking that one day I may drink successfully? Maybe so, last weekend I watched a lot of people drinking so maybe I'm being fooled by the illusion again.

Sooooo, rather than entertaining those thoughts I'm diving head-first into my service work and meetings, and I continue to remind myself that to take that first drink would almost certainly lead to death for this alcoholic.

It's working for me. Thanks for letting me share. I'll take another 24 beautiful hours in recovery.

[dgillz]

Surrender means you give up, you have accepted the fact the other party has won - not just the battle but the war.

I have 2 examples, first my own experience and one of the guys in my home group, that I believe demonstrates this perfectly.

In one of my first voluntary AA meetings they asked if there were any newcomers at the meeting and I introduced myself and said "I am here to beat my addiction".

After the meeting an oldtimer came up to me and said "Son, you aren't going to beat anything in there, your ass has already been whipped".

This pissed me off, but when I thought about it, he was right. What was there left to fight? King Alcohol, at 10ft tall and 600lbs in one corner, me in the other, and did I really need to go a few more rounds to determine who would win?

At that point I finally understood surrender and for the first time, and tryly took step 1 for the first time. The rest of the steps followed. If I had not surrendered I am not sure I would be alive today.

Another guy at my home group used to sober up for 2 or 3 weeks, go out and get beat up by booze, sober up for a couple of weeks, and repeat the whole cycle several times. Another guy that was trying to help him said he was retreating from, not surrendering to, alcohol. He had no acceptance yet of his true situation in regards to booze.

Retreat is different from surrender in that when you retreat, you do so with hopes of someday re-engaging the enemy and winning not just the battle, but the war. Drawing this picture for him helped him surrender and take the steps.

For what it is worth, I think surrender is completely and totally a step 1 thing. Steps 2 thru 12 will not take without surrender in step 1, IMHO.

[nandm]

Rufus, I am thankful for you. I love your idea and appreciate your sharing it. Keep up the good work!

[sobergirl77]

Originally Posted by dgillz

Another guy at my home group used to sober up for 2 or 3 weeks, go out and get beat up by booze, sober up for a couple of weeks, and repeat the whole cycle several times. Another guy that was trying to help him said he was retreating from, not surrendering to, alcohol. He had no acceptance yet of his true situation in regards to booze.

Retreat is different from surrender in that when you retreat, you do so with hopes of someday re-engaging the enemy and winning not just the battle, but the war. Drawing this picture for him helped him surrender and take the steps.

Wow, you have given me something to think and meditate about tonight! Thank you.