Burned Out on AA Meetings

[sobergirl77]

I've been attending AA meetings daily since April 16th of this year - sometimes 2 or 3 meetings per day. I've missed maybe 10 days since then. I have had periodic sobriety in that time. Right now I'm going on 24 days which is the longest uninterrupted period of sobriety I've ever had.

Anyway, lately I've been finding myself bored at the meetings I go to. It seems that the longer I manage to stay sober, the less I like the meetings and the less I get out of them. Seriously, the same people say the same things night after night. It's getting to the point that I can predict what they will say. And despite praying before each meeting, I find that I rarely have much to say during the meetings these days either.

Is this normal, to go through periods like this? I've tried other meetings in my city and I guess I can try some others.

But is it OK to not go to meetings every day, but instead go maybe 4 or 5 times per week, so long as you stay sober? I'm just so burned out that I'm beginning to dread going again.

I'm in the process of selecting who I'm going to do my 5th step with right now and still doing steps 1-3 daily as well as taking inventory every single night before I go to bed. And I don't have a sponsor to ask this question to. I've been through 3 sponsors and none of them worked out. There aren't a lot of women around here with quality sobriety that can take on someone new, unfortunately.

[dgillz]

In the early days of AA, they had one meeting per week. One.

So no, you do not have to go everyday. I go to about 3 a week personally. travel for a living, so I am always seeing different folks in different areas of the country. You probably cannot do that, but you can go to different meetings I presume?

If so try that, I have always found this a refreshing change of pace.

[Cathy31]

3-4 meetings work for me. Congratulations on your longest sober time yet!!

Remember, the program is :

Meetings
Sponsor
Stepwork
Higher Power
Service

Where can you put more energy in...of course you do not need to go to meetings daily...don't slack off too much though...you're sober today vespite the frustrations that the meetings might have brought!

Well done - stay sober no matter what!!!

Cathy31
x
PS I can relate to the sponsor issue, I eventually got a male sponsor...

[stone]

I am not surprised you are burned out! One thing I would say is ,if you cut down on meetings try to stay busy doing something else. Keeping busy is really helping me this time around.

Personally, if I went to as many meetings as you I would hate them by now, but some people seem to thrive on them.

[Tazman53]

First of all congrats on the time sober.

Number of meetings? Well meetings alone are absolutely not an assurance of staying sober no matter how many you go to, I will say this though, if you go to a meeting it is a time frame during the day that you will not drink! I go to 3 a week, sometimes 4.... do I need to go to them? Yes..... mainly to continue to show hope to the newcomers that one can stay sober and to make sure that the hand of AA is always there when some one needs it.

I would suggest a couple of things to try:

1. Go to different meetings.

2. When a topic of discussion is asked for, give one. Before you go to a meeting decide what you would like to hear discussed. Why not bring up the very topic of this thread "Burned Out on AA Meetings". I can assure you you will hear a wide variety of replies and reasons.

Meetings alone are only a part of the program. Possibly you could focus on making womens meetings. Another thing you may want to do is to ask if anyone would like to do some road trips. We do these sometimes, a group of us picks one day out of the week, find meetings in other towns, pile into a car, go out to breakfast, hit an early meeting out of town, drive to another town, stop to eat again and go to another meeting. This lets every one get to know each other and see how AA works in other areas.

[bballdad]

get on with the program,do the 5th soon as you can.Then follow the rest of the steps

I know a man who was going to 17 meetings a week,he was miserable,and got drunk...

[tommyk]

I would suggest different meetings for perspectives from different people.

Just curious - why did multiple sponsors not 'work out' for you?

If you have been attending meetings, working the program, doing the steps since April, and achieving 'periodic sobriety' that is an indication something is very wrong.

Congrats on the 24 days, please consider a relapse as NOT AN OPTION, patiently do whatever it takes to NOT drink.

Keep coming back and thanks for sharing.

[Rowan]

I've been working with two sponsees, and have been going to many meetings with them.
Nine last week! So I can identify with that burned out feeling. I think it's a great idea to go to out-of-town meetings and will do so myself soon.

I also agree that it's a good idea to bring up this very topic at a meeting.

Have you connected with many other alcoholics that you can do things with when not at meetings? I have made many friends and spend lots of time walking along the waterfront, sitting on a park bench for coffee, bbq's, movies etc. You're sober now, and there is SO MUCH out there. I used to stay home at the end of my drinking days and was afraid to leave the house, and I can't tell you how much I enjoy this change in my life. Recovery rocks!

[endzoner]

only takes 2 people for a meeting hows bout hookin up with a fellow member for coffee and have a one on one meeting this way you can talk bout the issues you may have ? congrats on the 24 days !

[CarolD]

How odd....
yesterday I heard a newly sober member say he loves the fact
that he sees the same people ..saying the same positive things.
He shared that it gives him a s feeling of hope and community.

Congratulations on your sober time SG....
You too are winning over alcohol.

[Music]

Originally Posted by sobergirl77

Seriously, the same people say the same things night after night. It's getting to the point that I can predict what they will say.

Is this normal, to go through periods like this? I've tried other meetings in my city and I guess I can try some others.

I call what you're going through, "being in a funk." The way I've always handled it is to change meetings. Go to some different meetings and meet some different people. A change of atmosphere. That's not to say though that I didn't hear the same things. The reason I hear the same things is because I have trouble concentrating on staying sober. I get into a funk about that sometimes. So, I need reminders that if I stop doing what's working to keep me sober, I'm in for trouble.

[Peter]

No you do not have to go to a meeting every day but you should.At least until you can string 90 consecutive days together.

I have been where you are and i believe it will pass. After 13 yrs the folks at my meetings still say the same things too, but thats okay. I may not particularly need to hear what they are saying that night but someone else in the room does

[sobergirl77]

Thanks for the replies...

dgillz, actually I can and do travel around the country. I'm heading back to the northeast sometime in the next month or two, and I plan to hit meetings every night along the way. This will be the first time I go to meetings in other states (well, other than Oklahoma and New Hampshire).

Carol, I used to feel that way too. I feel that way every time I come back for the first 2 weeks.

Good suggestion, Tazman. I will bring it up in my Saturday night discussion meeting.

tommyk, my first sponsor wanted to wait several months before taking me through the steps. I didn't want to wait that long and couldn't stay sober without doing them, so I moved onto another sponsor. The 2nd one was great, but she wanted me to call her every single day and tell her everything about my life day in and day out. Then she became unavailable when I was ready to do my 4th step, so I did it with another woman sponsor. When she found out, she fired me. I found a 3rd sponsor who informed me less than a week later that HER sponsor told her she isn't in a good place to take on new sponsees.

Anyway, I'm praying for God to lead me to a new sponsor and to help me select who I'm going to do my 5th step with. For now it's all I can do. I'll check out some other meetings in this area in the meantime... there are a LOT of them!

[jjaaam]

Personally I take the weekends off. I attend meetings M-F, with T and Th being the same group. M-W-F are three seperate groups.

It not only helps to mix things up a bit, but it gives me a little balance. With my work schedule by the time I get up, go to work, drive home, go to meeting, and come home I have six hours before I have to get up again. Trying to cram all of that in during the week means no time for me and family, so I have opted to, as I said, take the weekends off. It helps me to not get burned out.

So far so good. I questioned it at first, but now I feel that 90 in 90 is not a "requirement". I think you need to do what ever it takes for YOU to stay sober.

[RufusACanal]

Gratitude.

[Music]

One thing I forgot to mention is that I remember asking my first sponsor one day when I was new to AA, "just how many meetings do I have to go to?" His answer was, "until you learn to like them."

I've found that with time, and growth in the program, the questions about the kind of meeting and the fequency, tend to be answered as I realized that there were other responsibilities I needed to take care of, and often times I just can't do two things at one time. Also I found that I needed to find a balance between AA, work, love and play. Now when I get out of balance, I know it.

[TTOSBT]

Congrats on your sober time!
I do 4 meetings a week on average. I was going to at least one a day but I needed some balance. I work full time and am a wife, Mom, team Mom for soccer team, co leader for Brownie troop and bookkeeper for non profit professional organization. I really wanted to get healthy while I was getting sober. So now I go to meeting on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sat night. I go to the gym on Tues, Thurs and Sat morning. On Sunday I give myself permission to take the day off or if I feel like it I will go to a meeting or the gym. It was important for me to have balance but also to have to stick to a schedule. I have found that I appreciate my meeting days (it means I don't have to sweat, lol) and I appreciate my work out days (it means I don't have to think, lol). I am really loving my life right now. So I say, whatever keeps you sober and motivated. I talk to my sponsor on a daily basis and we work the steps. My life is so full today, I don't have time to drink

[RufusACanal]

Sobergirl,

An idea would be to look for new information in meetings rather than information you already know. Something noticable in your post was the word "I". Twenty four days sober and "I" is not happy. To much "I" for me is a sign that my Alcoholic Ego is once again attempting to run the show. Going to meetings for the sake of going to meetings never kept me sober, however, going to meetings to be a part of and to provide service for others if needed, allowed the miracle to continue. Lastly, it is all well and fine to ask others what they do, but you must decide what is best for you and act on it. Measuring your insides against others outsides is dangerous. Follow a Sponsor's guidance and keep up the good work. Excuses no longer work; no one really cares.

A daily gratitude list might help. Rather hard to be discontent when you are grateful!

I am cheering for you! Keep your chin up.

[lizw]

Are you helping out at any of the meetings you attend? Putting out chairs? Making coffee? All groups need members to do this service and this is away to get to know members in the groups etc....

If you are going to cut down on meetings, do some service at the meetings you are going to go to.

And now that you have a couple of days strung together, you can share your ESH with people who are 1 or 2 days sober, just by chatting to them before the meeting and after the meeting etc......

[RufusACanal]

You Are A Winner Today!

[tommyk]

You can be a winner tomorrow too!

[TTOSBT]

Service work is great advice! I have volunteered every month since I have been sober. As soon as a commitment ends, I take on a new one. If someone else is counting on me, I know I will be there

[Signal30]

Go to different meetings, (perhaps on the other side of town).

Chair a meeting.

Volunteer by buying coins, BB's, and other literature for a group.

Get a home group.

Go to different varieties of meetings, BB's, 12&12's, lead speaker meeting, etc...

There are two things you can do at a meeting. You can just sit there, or really participate by getting involved in the program. AA will not work, if you do not work AA.

Tom

[nandm]

I am thankful someone brought up service work. I have been trying to think of what has helped me when I have felt burnt out on meetings as it has happened to me periodically in my sobriety. But it has been a while.

The post about service work reminded me of what has worked. The first time I complained to my sponsor about getting tired of hearing the same thing from the same people all the time my sponsors response was that I needed to get more involved in the program and start doing service work. So I wound up secretarying that meeting. Since the secretary at that meeting chose the chairperson it allowed me the opportunity to find people whom I had not heard from before or people who had not shared in a while. It was a good opportunity to hear new things. Since then everytime I get that feeling of being sick of meetings I volunteer for service work.

What service work does it is gets me out of myself. By doing that I am actually working the part of the program which is giving back what we have been given. I try to focus on the fact that there were people at the meetings when I was new that took the time to share their experience, strength, and hope which was exactly what I needed to hear at the time. It kept me coming back long enough to start working the program. That is one reason I continue to go to meetings; to be there for the newcomer as we never know who we can help with what we do or say.

Another useful tool for me when I find myself struggling with feelings of being tired of hearing the same thing over and over is when chairperson is talking try and find the main topic of their share. Once I do that I open my Big Book and try to find out what the Big Book says about that topic (there are some useful tools for finding topics in the Big Book such as a book mark guide). Then I think about how the topic and Big Book relate to my life and situation today. I have found that it is also useful when listening to others share. This also keeps me in the facts of the Big Book rather than someone's opinion of what the Big Book says.

The feelings can pass. You have recieved some great replies to your post. I hope you find some of them useful.

[Tryin2Recover]

music you live in the same area as me (lake-borderline)...i wonder if we know eachother irl