My poor little sister

[kj3880]

I thought I was the only recipient of the family addiction gene. My sis called me yesterday and told me that she is now drinking 5 days a week (about 4 drinks a day) and is worried about herself. I didn't know quite what to say. Until that moment, nobody in my family knew that I had a prescription drug problem. So I went ahead and told her about my struggle and that I went to AA and NA meetings. She was really surprised. She wanted to know if her drinking meant she is an alcoholic. I told her it sounded like the beginning of alcoholism to me.

I never drank, so I don't know as much about it as I do drugs. I told her there was no need for her to develop a worse problem, that she can go to AA now if she wanted to try to stop drinking. She said she doesn't feel she has to stop, that she will be able to moderate. I just listened at that point. In my experience, moderation is not possible once you have a problem, but then, like I said, I never drank, so I don't know as much about it. Suggestions are welcome.
KJ

[kj3880]

Should I call her and invite her to my homegroup???
I'm kind of afraid that having a family member there will inhibit my sharing??
Anyone have any experience with this?
KJ

[TTOSBT]

Hi KJ,
Your sister might very well have a problem but only she can decide. I don't believe the number of drinks or number of days matters, it only matters if it is making your life unmanageable. She sounds like she is not quite ready to stop, she is going to go do the moderation thing first. So fine. I would tell her that if she is ever interested in checking out AA, you know of some good groups and leave it at that.

As far as her coming to your home group. That depends on how comfortable you are with that. I have tow good friends that are sisters and go to a lot of the same meetings. That is comfortable for them. I have a sister that started going to AA when she found out I was (long story) and I (for my own recovery) had to ask her to stay in her community to attend meetings but that she was welcome at the speaker meeting I attended weekly. I am just not comfortable and honestly, I can not completely trust her to leave what is said in a meeting, IN the meeting. So, do what is safe for you. You can always hook her up with someone else to go to meetings with or take her to a meeting that is not your home group??

[serenityqueen]

Usually when someone thinks they have a problem, they do. And as you very well know, it's a gene that is hereditary. . . and it sounds as though your Sis may have inherited it.

In my opinion, I wouldn't introduce her to your home group for the simple reason you said, you more than likely won't be able to share like you do if she begins to come to the same Meeting. But if she wants to go to some Meetings, I would definately take/go with her. I'm sure you remember how hard it was to first go and admit you have a problem to a room full of strangers.

I had a little sister who also was an addict and alcoholic, however when she decided to get help it was too late. She never made it to treatment. I'm not saying this to scare you . . . I just want you to know that I can relate. I would like to suggest that you don't take on the "my poor sister" attitude. Find the gratitude that she trusted you enough to open up to you about this. That in itself is a Blessing. Do what you can to help her, without ignoring your own Program. And remember, she will need a Sponsor and I don't think Sisters are the best person to Sponsor one another. Many of our issues have to do with Family and this could create a sticky situation.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me!

By the way, how's the broncitious? Hope you're feeling better. Take care of you!

Hugs,
Judy

[CarolD]

....Most excessive drinkers try to cut back.
I have no idea how many are successful.

Is she drinking excessively? Yes.

What is moderation?

According to the Center for Disease Control

Moderate drinking is no more than
2 drinks a day for men..1 for women

They consider a drink to be
12 oz. of beer..5 oz. of wine...1 1/2 oz liquor.

Your body and mind processes all 3 toxins equally
so drinking only wine or only liquor or only beer
or mixing them is of no importance.
They all do the same damage.

Is she ready to stop? Not yet.

You did well in handeling her call...

[gravity]

I agree that only your sister can determine if she has a drinking problem. You may be able to help her access the resources to help her make that determination. If I were in your shoes, I would suggest that she see a counselor that would give her information on alcoholism and a broad range of options including AA. I would give her a copy of the Big Book and the questionnaire Alcoholics Anonymous Questions.

It’s a tough call on inviting her to your home group. I would have a hard time opening up if a close relative was in attendance but then again the door is open to anyone who wants to stop drinking. It’s our responsibility to be there whenever anyone reaches out for help. Perhaps ask her if she wants to attend a open meeting (different group) with you?

I think the important thing is to let her know that you will always be there for her if she is struggling with alcohol, that she can be open about it.

[lizw]

My litle sister text me yesterday and told me she is pregnant with her 3rd child. The problem with that is she already has two children that live with my parents because she can't care for them. More recently she was in the process of being diagnosed with a mental illness. On a positve note I was able to be honest with her about how I felt, which included OMG, you can't have it. I also accept, at the end of the day, the choice is hers though.

Then today my older sister, who is a Al Anon member) married in March this year, turned up in tears, telling me her and her new husband are fighting like cats and dogs. They've got alot of stress in their lives with building a house and she's in a job she hates etc... It was weird seeing her because this last year I've had to detach myself emotionally from her, and at times this has hurt so badly. I think our family life as kids (which was crazy) led me to start focusing on her, instead of dealing with my own life. I can still get a bit emotional about this too so it was weird to have her come over as we haven't seen each other much lately.

Walking along side people/family and just being there for them, can be a hard thing at times.