Can't think of a title for this ...LOL

[barb dwyer]

Went to a different meeting the other day.

A noon meeting .. but in a different part of town.
I'd been interested in this 'other' group I'd heard about.
Not a new meeting or anything ...
just in a part of town my car doesn't like to squeeze around in is all.

Anyhoo -

I walked in -
and knew everyone there, except the guy chairing.

So he gets all this information, pamphlets, etc...
and goes into the preamble dealie.
Then comes to the part anybody here for their first meeting?

And he stops and looks directly at me.

There's like... nine people there.

I just looked back at him.
So this silence ... stretches out.
Personally, I enjoy moments like that.

Unable to take it any more, my neighbor
(who drove that day)
gives the fella a little *get on with it* sort of wave.

It brought to mind for me
how gung ho we can get at times, you know?
There's a pretty decent adrenaline rush running a meeting
as probably all of us know.

Thinking about it later,
it became apparent to me how subtle
the Infinite's timing is...
compared to our own blundering most of the time.

We find such happiness
such relief
such ... healing
in the Program and within the Fellowship
that we can miss the gentle nudge of the Universe
and without realizing it
we're already making assumptions about others.

And in the zeal of wanting to help others
with what we've found
we wind up beating them about the head
instead of listening and letting
the One Who Dreams The Stars
handle it.

The guy saw everyone saying hello to me and stuff.
Butte is only so big, y'all.
Maybe the aspects of chairing a meeting
threw him off just enough not to notice
that the only person there who'd never seen me before ...
was him.

So I came home
(it was a great meeting, BTW)
and flipped open the BB
and there it was-
*I'm downstairs and don't have my book to give y'all the page #*
and I'm not gonna go digging around my neighbor's place to find hers.

right at the bottom of the page
the line leapt up and smacked me in the face.

(paraphrasing)

This Program isn't for people who need it,
it's for the people who want it.

something like that.

It's a razor's edge ...
to be quiet enough to let that gentle 'nudge' come when it's supposed to
instead of when we think
it should/would/could/ought to.
Because it's been so great for US ...

I dunno.

It was a pretty good meeting.
Lots of laughter.

Soon as all the readings were done,
and he opened the floor,
everyone turned to me and said
"HI, *BARB*
and laughed.

Every day above ground ... is a good day.

Thanks for reading.

[lizw]

I never know if I should introduce myself when I attend new meetings either or if I should introduce myself again if it has been ages (as in years) since I have attended the meeting I am at....

On the other hand (and this is funny) a few years ago me and a friend went to an NA meeting and I hadn't been to NA for 3 or so years, so was a bit out of touch, plus we were a bit early so we sat outside chatting etc...

When this guy turned up to open the meeting, I thought he was a newcomer by the way he looked. Unbrushed hair. Holes in his clothes. Unshaven etc... so I was being 'kind to him'. Telling him how great it was he was opening the meeting etc..

Anyway they have a clean time birthday count down thingy at this meeting and it turned out he was like 15 years clean.... after the meeting me and my friend laughed ourselves sick. It was a reminder about why both of us stopped going to NA - no offence intended to any NA members either.

[barb dwyer]

You know, it coulda been anything ...

being nervous about chairing
(we always get in that 'dont' screw this up mode)
busy day at work and doing a meeting on his lunch hour...
maybe he's new to the Program and still on that first
'hang ten' high of hope we all got ....

who knows?

It doesn't take much of anything to throw our connection to the Infinite ...
and when it dwindles, or becomes secondary -
we take over
and don't even realize it, huh?

[frstnm]

Im a little confused. I attend NA regularly. What is the big deal if the guy was a little rough around the edges ? Arent we all there for the same reason ?

[CarolD]

At a noon meeting recently....
no one had signed up to chair.

11:55 10 of us were chatting
and I asked "Who wants to lead?"

A moment of silence ...until I offered
(can't see to read the format or literature!)
6 voices almost in unison...."I will"

Everyone of us

Barb...not sure of the "nudge from the Universe "
however Gratitude was the topic.

[CarolD]

Hi frstnm ...
Of course you are correct in why we are attending meetings.
And I'm glad you are too...

I have no experience with NA meetings

However...I did take action in early recovery
to improve my appearance
I wanted my shiney new inside persona
matched by my outside.

....Maybe it was vanity?

[lizw]

Originally Posted by frstnm

Im a little confused. I attend NA regularly. What is the big deal if the guy was a little rough around the edges ? Arent we all there for the same reason ?

There is a little rough around the edges and then there is looking like one hasn't showered or changed their clothes for along time. This guy was the later.

My sponsor told me when I was first sober that society, whether I liked it or not, had certain ideas about how people should live/look and that one of these included personal hygene/grooming, and since I was now sober I should be adhering to them, right?

Now don't get me wrong, I don't get dressed up to go to meetings or anything weird like that but I have found (in soberity) I actually like wearing clean clothes and brushing my hair, I stopped going to NA (in my area) because I found a lot of people don't or didn't have that attitude, and it wasn't good for my soberity.

Maybe NA is different where others are from and I am just sharing my expereince, again no offence intended.

[bballdad]

a program of attraction not distraction

[lizw]

Is that what is called? I recall someone (who visited America) telling me there was a group/meeting he attended that 'encouraged' woman to wear skirts and men not to have facial hair.

Any comments? True? False?

[frstnm]

for me sobriety is 1st
sure I try to be fairly groomed when I go to a meeting of any type
I also "try" not to judge a book by its cover - never know who I might be seeing or talking to and what their circumstances are.
jmho

lizw--
a dress code doesnt seem to follow the traditions
i once heard of a womens meeting that there were "elders" and they decided on alot of unconventional rules that were not traditional in the 12 step program
again jmho

[ananda]

The clothes and bathing thing to me is a big detractor...expecting others to dress and bath as someone else thinks they should. We are not the fasion police as my sponsor said.

In the early 90s we had a specific group in town that required suits and ties for men, dresses for women and lots of other stuff....one poor guy went and bought a suit so he would 'fit in".

Fortunately, over years of that sort of behavior the group realized it was not a part of their primary purose and has settled down!

The whole consept of what is clean what is dirty what is proper dress...is all cultural and although i learn to relate in a healthy way with my world via AA or NA....i am NOT the cultural police.

Sorry - I feel very strongly about this as I have seen people treated terribly bad by others because of these sorts of issues. I don't care if you bath every day or once every 3 months...I care about your spiritual condition helping you and letting you help me.

[CarolD]

Fashion in AA?

Not in my AA experiences.

lizw....
....I've never heard of such.

[Mala09]

I'm new on these forums and feeling a little baffled.

Sobriety is about entering a new community and learning social skills, helping those out who have clumsier skills than I do.

Once or twice I have been mistaken for somebody new at a meeting and I have explained I am a visitor. Chairing can be stressful and people do make mistakes. I always introduce myself at the first opportunity when visiting groups I haven't attended before.

Meetings are about community and recovery, not some kind of passive entertainment. I stay behind to help wash up and put the chairs back because that helps me stay sober. I talk to anyone who is new. That is how service works -- and AA is about service, putting in and learning, contributing, making an effort.

Am I missing the point here?

Mala

[Jfanagle]

Barb, interesting thread. I don't know about dress and hygiene as a prerequisite, but it does make a close room more tolerable. Recovery is sometimes quick and sometimes slow, but the concept of judgment by appearance is only a side issue, but we are still part of society and the niceties are always appreciated. That being said, my real interest in this topic was sparked by the "misidentification" of one as a newcomer.

About 2 years ago I was getting too comfortable in my "regular" meetings and perhaps a tad bit smug. I thought I needed a change to invigorate my program so I began searching out meetings that I had never been to before. Here in Southern California you can't swing a dead cat and not hit a meeting! Therefore my choices were endless.

I began walking into meetings where in many cases I knew no one and they did not know me. It was a great reminder TO ME that I needed to be more welcoming of newcomers and try and make them feel at ease. I received all sorts of welcomes, some very warm and inviting, and some that if I had been new would have more than likely kept me from coming back. It was a big awakening, and one that I am glad I experienced. I HAD TO TAKE MY INVENTORY as a member of the fellowship and I hope it has made me a better AA, and caused me to "carry the message" in a more responsible and loving manner.

Thanks Barb.

Jon

[barb dwyer]

About 2 years ago I was getting too comfortable in my "regular" meetings and perhaps a tad bit smug. I thought I needed a change to invigorate my program so I began searching out meetings that I had never been to before.

exactly.

As is COMMON in the way my brain works - one teensy thing will set me off on this long inner trek. I call it 'wondering'.

I get to 'wondering' about stuff.

That as the point of the thread, really.

I got to 'see' something ... in someone else...
that revealed to me how easily intentions get 'colored' when we get distracted.
Which happens to ME ... alla time.

One thought led to another.
And so on.

I dunno ...
it was the 'hey look! a penny! thing
then we fall down a flight of steps.

I guess the point was more on where the focus is,
and actually SEEING how subtly focus changes one's entire perception.

And how we ... don't even know it's happening.

[barb dwyer]

oh yeah -

here's the page # and all that.
(brought my book today - ha!)

page 315.
"This program is for people who want it, not people who need it."

Source Quoted...
First Edition...Alcoholics Anonymous