I'll Never Get Sober

[tiburon88]

I had been sober for about 2 1/2 months. The dark hoplessness sunk in and I gave up and picked up a drink. I don't think I will ever get completely sober.
I hate myself and struggle with self hatred every day. I am grateful that I stopped this latest relapse at 1 day though. I suppose thats some improvement. I don't think I'm going to tell many people in AA though. I will tell a few close friends and my sponser though. My biggest trigger to drink is thinking about all the stuff I messed up in life. I hate addiction. Anyways thanks for letting me share.

tib

[CarolD]

Yes...a day of drinking is better than you used to do.
You are way too young to have failed at life.
You too can start over...I did many times.

[MnStar]

tib--Where do I start. I've been down that regret road too. Not much to be gained there.

When I get feeling like that I try to think of things I am grateful for. And, I try to talk to other alcoholics. It helps.

Have you seen a therapist? It sounds like you are depressed.

Hang in there....

[ananda]

as long as you are alive there is hope!!!!! When I couldn't stop but wanted to, i had a few AA friends who I could tell about what was going on and I think on some level that helped to prepare me for sobriety. And my brother who relapsed repeatedly told me to go to meetings and just keep my mouth shut if I had been drinking.

My brother and I got sober on the same day and now have 11 mos and 2 days of sobriety.

Don't give up before the mirical happens!

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by tiburon88

My biggest trigger to drink
tib

You hear a lot of talk about triggers, but rarely one important fact. You have to pull the trigger for anything to happen. You pull that trigger, no one else. So for me, and everyone else here, we have one choice and only one choice today that has any real meaning. How are we going to live today? Good Luck.

[Rob B]

Tib, you posted this 3 days ago, I am pointing this out, not to ridicule you or call you out, but maybe to help you see some truth about yourself.

I like to do my "own program." I seem to be doing okay right now

when I am stuck in a belief system that isn't working for me, I am always the last one to know it. Fortunately I have been blessed to have friends that have no problem waking me up, this is never comfortable but it may save my life.

I hope you wake up, you can recover.





Tib

[1963comet]

Been where you are at and I have learned that regret and worry will not change a thing. As long as I stay sober I am not racking up any new regrets.

And it sounds to me that you are trying. I know some times life can be over welming. But if you can start over coming feelings without drinking you will feel stronger. This is what happened for me.

Tomorrow like a new beginning, we are not are past.

[barb dwyer]

*prayers for tib*

[Rowan]

I've relapsed more than once, and each time after more than 2 years sober. I, too, struggle with self-hatred, although much less so today. Each time I relapsed, I took that long walk to the front of the room and accepted my 24 hour chip. I needed to get honest. No secrets. And, the turning point for me was connecting, really connecting, with other women in the rooms. Big Book studies, going for walks, getting in the habit of calling regularly, informal get-togethers, risking being real. My friends who love me are teaching me that I have value, even on days when I don't believe it.

Never give up. Don't sell yourself short and figure you'll never 'get' it. Tell yourself you WILL get it, and do whatever it takes to get there. You are worth it.

[tiburon88]

Thanks everyone. Ya know I really do try to stay sober. I struggle with depression also and get overwhelmed very easily.

tib

[Rowan]

Me too, tib. Me too.

[serenityqueen]

Keep Coming Back . . It Works If You Work It

I'm living proof of that . . . I bounced in and out of the Rooms from 1980 until I finally surrendered in July of '05.

HOW?

Honesty . . . Open Mindedness . . . Willingness

Don't leave before the miracle happens.

One Day at A Time,
Judy

[MnStar]

Originally Posted by tiburon88

Thanks everyone. Ya know I really do try to stay sober. I struggle with depression also and get overwhelmed very easily.

tib

Depression can be quite the obstacle for someone trying to stay sober. I'm not saying it is an excuse to keep drinking, just that you may need more weapons in your arsenal to get through the first few months.

What I did was to go see a psychiatrist and got some help there. That, along with AA works for me now.


Good luck!

[Sheryl85]

Let me repeat the statement my sponsor made that I wrote about in an earlier reply on another thread, “No one gets here by mistake, but some of us get here a little bit too early.”

There is some helpful information in the responses here. Put it to good use. But above all, keep bringing the body and the mind will follow.

Good luck.

[Signal30]

Triggers can be combated with a phone and a list of AA'ers to call. If you feel the urge to drink, don't pick up the bottle, pick up the phone.

One of the best ways to get out of depression is you get out of yourself. Do something. Work on your step work, go to a meeting, and talk about your problems. Call your sponsor BEFORE you pick up that drink, not after.

Willingness, thoroughness, and honesty are the requirements for the program of AA to work.

"I'll never get sober." Why? Is it because you think you can't? Or is it that you don't really want to? Those who are successful at staying sober, are those who put forth the work into the program. I works if YOU work it. Not kinda work it. The tools of AA are there for a reason. If you use the tools, the tools will work. Self-pity is a form of selfishness that is deadly to us alcoholics. It is this self-pity "the bondage of self" that can be turned over to your Higher Power so the energy used in this self-pity can be put to better use elsewhere.

Your not in charge!!!! God is. We must truly rid ourselves of these forms of selfishness or it will kill us.

Do AA. Listen in meetings, talk to your sponsor when your a$$ is on fire, let this slip catapult you into rigorous action.



Tom

[Cathy31]

Originally Posted by CarolD

You too can start over...I did many times.

Thanks Carol...I did too Tib and so can you ...why not try do it just the way it's 'suggested' and see how you get on...meetings, sponsor, stepwork, higher power, service...if you are doing that you WILL get sober and you WILL learn to lvoe yourself and the promises WILL come true - you WILL know a new happiness and a new freedom. Guaranteed.

Rarely have we seen a person fail, who thoroughly follows our path...

Whoever you tell in aa will support you and love you - someoene announced a relapse yesterday the love and support was overwhelming. Cause without God's grace it could be ANY of us. Fact.

Your sister in recovery,
Cathy31
x

[Cathy31]

Originally Posted by Sheryl85

But above all, keep bringing the body and the mind will follow.

This is wonderful and it worked for me. Fake it til you make it.

Cathy31
x

[bballdad]

tib,I appreciate your honesty.I was depressed when I was sober,but I was depressed when I was drinking.So,I could not use that as a reason to drink.I had to look for reasons to stay sober and quit drinking and finds all the ways I could.
I had to walk that same road you are on until I got so sick and tired of it I was willing to do anything....just to stay sober today,regardless of outside circumstances,regardless of anything,staying sober ,one day at a time was my job in life when I was a new guy.Nothing else mattered as much as staying sober.


good luck

Tommy

[ruch]

Hi Tib....I feel as though I may be very close to the same situation you are in. I recently had a relapse myself after a very short period of sobriety. I too have been apprehensive about diving into AA.

Here is an excerpt from "Under The Influence"(Pages 76 and 77) which I just happened to read this morning when I woke up. I suffer from anxiety and feel as though this paragraph hit home. Perhaps it could shed some light, albeit a lot less than a doctor could on your depression:

Brain Amine Depletion. In alcoholics, the levels of at least two brain amines-serotonin and norepinephrine-are significantly lower in the protracted withdrawal period, apparently contributing to the alcoholic’s continuing depression, anxiety, tension, and irritability. Brain amines are the substances responsible for transmitting chemical messages from one brain cell to another and regulating various emotional states. The amines usually return to normal activity after several weeks or months of sobriety, although insomnia and nightmares may persist for years. A decrease in serotonin, in particular, seems to be at least partially responsible for persistent sleep disturbances. Studies have shown a connection between decreases in serotonin, insomnia and disruptions of deep (stage IV) sleep. With comprehensive nutritional therapy, however, sleep disturbances are rarely seen after the first weeks of sobriety.

[Pinkcuda]

Ruch, are you saying that Alcohol could actually be Causing the Depression?
Tib, Sometimes the hardest thing to grasp onto is the blatantly obvious. It's right there. Right in front of you, but you keep looking over, under and around the real answer.
I'm no Doctor but I would say that
Alcohol probably has a lot to do with your depression It's that simple.

[tiburon88]

I've struggled with depression before I ever picked up a drink. I think I would of been better off posting this thread in the Alcoholism or Mental Illness category.

[Pinkcuda]

Or possibly the "I don't want to look in the mirror" category. I personally think you're just picking handy excuses not to quit drinking when the truth is you really don't want to quit.
I'm just not buying any of it.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by tiburon88